So far everything is going great. But I wanted to share something with you guys.
2,5 (15-16 days) weeks ago I had a relapse with porn. I watched it just like my earlier sessions (45 minutes or so). What triggered it? I think it was the fact hat my libido was returning and was stronger then ever, and also a feeling of euphoria. The fact that I was noticing my true potential, really contributed a lot to this feeling.
note: this was before I had the conversation with my father to put a password on his computer.
But I wanted to share some interesting changes with you guys:
- the next my libido was gone. I didn't had this feeling of attraction towards real life women anymore. This sucked a lot.
- I felt very conscious about my thoughts, especiallly around women. I remember thinking "oh I don't want to hurt her feelings" or feeling very "sensitive" (in a weak way).
- I started to feel lethargic again.
- I felt zero masculine energy. I think I'm entering a mini flatline again. Yesterday I was out on a date with a girl and there were other men around here, but it seemed like I just didn't care. The feelings of apathy that used to plague me, returned. I also remember going out and a girl "accidently" stepped on my toe and striked up a conversation with me. She was hot, but I didn't feel anything.
- My morning wood was far less present again. Before I was having it virtually every day. If I would say I had it 20 days out of the 21, I wouldn't be lying. It was a sign that my libido was returning and it felt great!
- Today I went to the bathroom and I experienced semen leakage again.
At this moment everything is blocked concerning porn (see conversation with my dad). I just don't trust myself enough with this. I think it's like with a former alcoholic, most of them just have to stop drinking completely. It also had a very strong impact on me for a very long time. I think this why I noticed these negative effects so strongly.
I'm now continuing the reboot just like it's supposed to go, no PMO. For me it seems that this reboot mostly affects me sexually (apathy, low libido). Socially I don't have that much issues, although i've definetly noticed improvements in my confidence.
My reboot is far from the perfect stories that you read on the YBOP websites. But I can only come to one conclusion: "I was just a much heavier user then I originally suspected". Yes you read tales about guys having 10-15 orgasms a weeks, but for how long did their sessions lasted? I remember that 30 minutes wasn't that long for me at all. At this moment everything is definetly going in the right direction again. I'm also incorporating far more socializing activities. These included a couple of dates that I've had in the past few weeks.
What I've noticed is that replacement activities make everything go much smoother. It definetly helps when you're not looking at the calender everyday. Before I didn't really had that much options since I was limited because of my exams.Which went excellent by the way, I passed all of them and I had a couple of A grades as well. Keep in mind that I was facing heavy withdrawal symtomps for 1 to 1,5 months before my exams. These included insomnia were I only slept for 4 hours over a period of 2 days. So I can safely say that my results are great.
I even know that I can do better :). So not everything was in vain. We'll be looking forward to a new High_Achiever for the second part of the year ;).
Hey you already liked the old one, the new one is just going to be even better :d