Girls stress me out

Submitted by hotelcali on
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I realize that interacting with girls is good during the reboot, it helps keep my goal in mind and is a big confidence booster. However, I feel like my new found ability to talk to girls and easily set up dates is a dangerous area. I feel kind of stressed and a little down when trying to figure out the right thing to do in regards to relationships and girls in general. My first relationship ever was very short and I was the only member putting in effort, she used me basically. I've felt used in my other relationships as well. I think this trust issue/ fear of relationships thing is possibly a subconscious trigger because I know if I masturbate, I wont be able to be healthy and enter a relationship. So I've gotta be careful with my flirting.

Also, I've been keeping my mind clear of fantasy as much as possible, but what can I possibly do about my dreams? It seems like when I get on a good clean streak (7 days today) that my mind ramps up the sex in my dreams. I don't know how I can avoid porn if my dreams are basically the same thing... The past two nights dreams have been very over-sexual and I just now felt a strong urge to PMO, but I breathed and refocused before that happened. Just gotta keep waiting I guess :/

Comments

It's not easy

to find the right balance, but it gets easier...especially as your brain remembers how to evaluate women based on character rather than centerfold potential. Wink

.

Same here mate - some days just brim full of confidence but not sure how to use it!

"All the gear, and no idea" as motorbike racers say. Biggrin

After some time, you will

After some time, you will wean off the porn. After that point, you will be able to use masturbation to relieve stress on a scheduled basis and it will definitely help with stability of mood and mindset. For now, try to go three weeks without PMO, then slowly incorporate masturbation in the shower or in the dark or in nature or something.

I'm not saying one has to

I'm not saying one has to masturbate. The caveat is that what works in a committed relationship might not work as well when single. Finding balance and place from which to grow as a single person is rough.

used...

Well in most relationships I felt as though I was being led on. In my first relationship, the girl lied to both me and her father, which ended up with him threatening me (I even kept a bat in my trunk for awhile). I would drive her around to do stuff that didn't involve me (dress shopping for a prom she was taking another guy too). Honestly I don't know why I put up with it. Now I've learned not to put up with such crap, but I guess it wasn't a great way to start off...

Have you tried flirting more

Have you tried flirting more and then waiting for whomever is interested enough to take things further with?

I've also noticed a large imbalance. Occasionally, the woman has been interested and the balance better. This helps. So far, these partners' motivations and other aspects haven't gelled with mine and the relationships have died off. There's hope.

Fell again

Well I mean it seems almost all the girls I flirt with are interested, which ends up stressing me more since I barely know how to handle one, let alone balance multiple. I hate doing this, but I've gotta come clean. I had a binge 2 days ago and slipped up again just awhile ago. Honestly I feel like shit. I'm just so upset with myself. It's like I get a glimpse of what I'm working toward and I fuck it all up. I'm really stressed right now with just 3 weeks left in my last semester of school. I've got papers and lots of reading to do and I guess I'm reverting to old coping methods. I feel ashamed to come here and admit when I've messed up, but honestly it's not enough to keep me clean. I plan on looking up a sex-aholics group in my town when I return home in a few months. I think the personal aspect should help me out, admitting things here feels bad, but I don't have to look you guys in the eye. I dunno, like I said I feel like shit right now, but I guess I'll just get back up on the horse and try again.

Just get yourself

through exams for now and stay cool. This challenge will still be around when you're finished.

Support groups are great, but almost any group can help a lot, so make interaction a priority when you finish your academic year.

*big hug*

Thanks Marnia!

Yea, I guess it doesn't necessarily have to be a sex addict group, but I'd like to have a place to go in person to discuss what I'm going through. I'm thinking about getting into rock climbing again, maybe there's a group instruction or something. And it's true I can always wait till I'm back in a more familiar environment to try and beat this. Though today I'm 3 days clean again and I'll keep going as long as I can. Found out I have another paper due :/ but I haven't relapsed. Also, I'm approaching girls in my head as friends, a lot of my stress comes from what-if thinking, so if I'm only engaging them as friends then I don't have to worry. It's just that they're really pretty in Spain :P