Day 113 - people pleasing

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I had a revelation today whilst reading something about addictions. So I have quit webcamming and PMO and this has changed my life massively. I have had acid reflux (it's when the valve at the top of your stomach doesn't do a good job of keeping your stomach acid in and it can rise back up your oesophagus - it's pretty unpleasant) I have been on tablets from the docs for this for about a year or more and I was gaining weight slowly, even on a crazy low calorie diet.

They were causing sleeplessness and irritability too. So after a good bit of reading I decided to cut out the causes and quit the tablets. This was a big step as the medication stops me throwing up when I run/bike and makes life ok. I also found out I have high cholesterol, I am a relatively fit triathlete! So I cut out coffee, chocolate, spicy food, ate less, drank water with meals and concentrated on my posture. It has really worked and the benefits outweigh the loss of the "tastiness" so like quitting the addiction it has been worth it. Also the weight has been falling off and my recovery from training has rocketed. So there is some balance here now too.

We have visitors next week and was thinking about the fact that they will turn up cakes, chocolate and red wine in hand ready to over-indulge. I was thinking about how to deal with it and it really got me into thinking about food and my relationship to it and with other people.

I could visualise myself saying, 'no thanks' to some of the things that will the reflux worse and maybe explaining why. Then I could see the look of disappointment in my friend. My mother and step-father where both alcoholics (oddly at different times of their lives) and I have quit drinking before for years (not that I drink a lot anyway) and I know that look! It made me think about, "why do people get frustrated/angry/disappointed if we make different choices about what we eat and drink?" I realised that it's all to do with them. In the past I think I have ate/drank the 'wrong' things to avoid that look. (people pleasing) Their approval makes it ok for me to over-indulge and my indulging validates theirs too.

So now to please myself - it's my choice and I choose for me!


Just thank them with a big smile

and go get a healthy snack whenever everyone else is sticking their noses in the trough. Maybe your will power will help them take the same risk. You don't owe them an explanation, but if you like, say you're conducting a personal experiment for a few weeks to see if staying away from  ____ improves your health. Who can argue with that?

Been there (people pleasing)

I feel for you. I've been in that position many times. My wife LOVES to cook. She is always trying new recipes, new spices, etc. The problem is that I am a very boring eater. Meat and potatoes with little extra spices. For years, I quietly shoveled down whatever she made because if I didn't eat, I would get that look you're talking about and the, "What, you didn't like it?" (Which I felt as "What, you didn't like ME?")
I've been working on this for the last six months or so. My new position is that her meals are very good, but the taste of this particular dish doesn't appeal to me.


people pleasing and the desire for approval

are the trickiest and often the most painful things in our human daily living.

I like what Byron Katie has said on the subject: If I had a prayer, it would be this: “God spare me from the desire for love, approval, and appreciation. Amen"

I try to release a lot on approval feelings because this is huge for me.