She's just left. I'm a bit blown away by what just happened.
6 weeks without seeing each other. She had read Cupid at my request. Lots of discussion. Clothes on for 1 -2 hours, kissing touching, talking. Then me no clothes and her just panties. I liked the conscious 'now no clothes' decision rather than stripping each other in lustful passion. Another hour or so with us fighting hard to resist lustful touch and escalation. I was the one pulling her back but then I kept on escalating which was sending mixed signals. I knew what I was trying to do but was failing to fight my urge. Occasionally we would step back and talk a little. I went down on her but she told me to stop just as she was about to orgasm. I was amazed she was actually giving this a go.
But she was doing the same and trying to wind me up. I wasn't hard until she took control. I failed to resist and we found ourselves having sex. But that's where things changed. We went so slowly, often barely moving. When she was getting too heated up we slowed right down and despite several close calls she managed to completely avoid orgasm. We moved in sync. No domination, no force, no running sex chat dialogue. It was the most immersive sex I've ever had. I couldn't of talked if I wanted to. I didn't know what talking was. Time stopped being relevant. Present. From my reboot days I learned really good ejaculation control which enabled the lengthly session.
There was a point where I felt something other-wordly. I was looking up at this women and saw pure beauty. Connecting with my deeply missed female polarity. We shared an intense eye lock. We actually stopped once or twice to cuddle before "connecting" again.
A phone call from a housemate ended it. She wanted to stay but had to leave. I saw in her eyes a need to 'finish' me off. She sat over my face and gave me oral to O. I literally exploded. That was by far the most powerful orgasm of my life. I had been abstaining from O and despite my efforts I had two wet dream earlier this week. Oddly spaced within 2 days of each other.
So what came of our experiment? 4 hours 'Karezza' session. She managed to avoid orgasm. I sadly failed. I'm surprised it happened that way given our history and me being the one to propose this idea. I remarked that I had never kissed someone that much before. Constant kissing.
What's my conclusion?
It's hard. It felt like both of us were constantly fighting our urges. Engaging and then backing off. Your mind telling you one thing and your body shouting another. The emotional day and mate starvation sure didn't help but I can imagine this discipline taking time to learn. Also how do you end? Without a clear cut finish line it's difficult to know when to stop. You can't finish and then cuddle, because this is a large part of what has been going on already. I never felt like I wanted to stop. How do you make time for Karezza?
Where from here? Who knows. I'm pleased to of experienced my first mutual non-orgasm driven sex session. I felt very close and bonded. Like we were physically close but also emotionally. Both of us in the same place. Just being together without a need to perform or calibrate for the other's sexual state as I always used to whilst pushing her from one orgasm to the next. And now my body seems to just be buzzing. Oxytocin overload.
I realise this is not the way to have casual sex and sadly her headspace of not wanting a relationship at this point in her life remains unchanged. So we have a problem. Can't be friends due to sexual attraction; it seems our bodies aren't going to change their minds on that one any time soon. Can't do a relationship because of her issues. But having sex like this would make it very hard to just catch up and hang out once in a while. Sadly this seems to suggest a final goodbye is the only route.