After splitting with my girlfriend I decided to abstain from MO. I wanted to clear my mind and chasing sexual urges would only confuse my thinking. After my experience with ED last year I know I will never use porn again, however I also see merit in cutting right down on masturbation for good.
25 days went pretty fast but in the end O got the better of me. I told myself if I didn't find a girl on the weekend I woud allow a MO. I MO'ed when drunk at the end of the night and twice the following morning. My body, and perhaps my mind, is telling me I want a casual hookup but I know this won't change or help anything. It's like going out on a big night out. It seems like a great idea before, is very enjoyable during, but leaves you drained and regretful afterwards.
My O was really powerful. It's always more so when significant time has passed since a semen release. As usual I noticed the feeling of exhaustion and the chaser effect. I'm always amazed by the power of the urge to O yet the feeling of it being so irrelevant the second you have had your O. The Russel Brand youtube clip on the homepage on this idea had me in hysterics - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iEUpm3tSx5w
Post breakup blues and re-building
After a month of no contact with my ex, which was my decision, I feel like I'm getting close to contacting her. It's so strange for the closest person in your life to become the most distant, but no contact has been very beneficial in speeding my recovery. I've kept really busy with work (going great), seeing friends and family. I feel I've accepted the breakup and the fact that she is nor will be my girlfriend in the future.
I sent her a copy of 'Cupid's poisoned arrow' and am interesting to hear her thoughts and discuss the patterns in our relationship. I also just want to know how she is, share stories, laugh and hang out. However I do have a persistent thought at the back of my mind that maybe I should just move on and there is nothing to really be gained from keeping her in my life. Stay away from that which causes you harm. I guess I'll start with a phone call.
I'm looking forward to meeting and connecting with new girls although I am aware that I need to of fully healed before re-entering the world of dating. I've done the re-bound thing before and now realise it's really not fair. It's interesting that putting less importance on O has led to a greater level of maturity. We are rational beings and there is more to life than simply pursuing our innate urges. One more month of work and then off to travel in new lands. Distance and time will surely heal my wounds.