My last view of porn with masturbation, Feb 9th though I didn't do so to orgasm. In the last few years I've climaxed to porn very rarely. The last time I climaxed to porn was some time in Jan. My last orgasm was on valentines day. My wife had two orgasms and we were at it for the better part of an hour with me doing all the work.We haven't had intercourse more then once or twice in the last year and this time was not one of them. After she was done She helped me climax but it was not very satisfying as it was all over in 90 seconds . My last view of porn was on Feb 16th I was cleaning some files off of my laptop as I was getting ready for this reboot. With a defiant demeanor I looked at some shots as I deleted them from my hard drive. I was angry at getting rid of them and also that I had given in to downloading them in the first place. The following are my goals for this reboot
1. No viewing, reading or listening to porn or personal erotic memories.
2. No sexual fantasy (stay in the real world)
3. No Self pleasuring (not even in the shower or if aroused)
4. No Cheating (no staring at magazines in the the store. Keep my mind where it should be when seeing women)
5. Keep a daily log of feelings, libido, triggers, improvement in mood, clarity, etc. Listen to my body for signs of strain and tension.
6. Create new pathways in my brain tied to wholesome exceptional pleasure experiences.
2. I've not thought of anything sexual today. Well there was one moment when reading a women's short post about her reboot that I felt a twinge of arousal. I quickly moved away from that post.
3. I've held my scrotum and penis but not to bring myself pleasure, but comfort.
4. tonight I was watching a sitcom that was addressing some sexual content after the bit, was over I realized that I had experienced a small shot of dopamine.
5. Today was rough. I was angry for most of the day. I feel duped by my brain. My anger is out of proportion to my surroundings and experiences today. Told my wife I was trying this reboot. She didn't seem all that interested in it.
Feelings: anger, depression, loneliness,
Triggers: Just the Sitcom and the blog post.
Improvement in mood: Only as I was interacting with my kids.
Clarity: to cloudy to tell.
Body is tight and tense
6. I played Banana Grams with all the kids tonight we laughed and had a great time.