What affect does male bonding have on rebalance/rewire?

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Tonight I met my cousin up a the elk lodge north of where I live for a wild-game dinner that he invited me to a while back. It was all guys. And when I say guys, I mean blue collar, regular ol' Joe Schmoes who work hard everyday at various automobile assembly lines and factories, and in constructin, etc. We played cards, drank beer, and ate an AMAZING variety of wild game. These guys were telling dirty jokes, calling each other names, bragging, telling fish, hunting, and war stories, and lamenting things like the cost of drywall. One old, kind chubby guy was sitting there in his white tea-shirt with suspender, a crumpled up baseball cap on top of his head, and a half chewed cigar sticking out of the corner of his mouth while playing euchre. It was great! I haven't been around a bunch of guys like that in a long time. On the way home I got to thinking about my current reboot process. I know it is supposed to be therapeutic and helpful to the reboot/rewire process if we have have contact with a woman, but now I'm wondering if this kind of male bonding has any affect on the process. Maybe there have been some studies I don't recall seeing. Anybody have any suggestions? What are your thoughts Marnia?

I guess my line of thinking is that if people are instinctively tribal, it would make sense to me that male bonding would be good for the brain along these lines. Maybe it stimulates the male competitive nature or something. I don't know. Anyway, I'm interested in seeing what you all think.


Any boding is positive! 1. It

Any boding is positive! 1. It gets you out of the house and engages you. 2. Relationships in general are more meaningful, regardless of gender(not talking about anything sexual here) lol.
Have fun and keep living. Family, relationships, and how you make your mark on the world are what are important. It sounds like you has more fun than being at home on the computer, porn or not. I would say that has to be better!!

I agree with that, and I am a

I agree with that, and I am a huge advocate of getting out of the house. I'm just wondering if male bonding in particular has any affect on the rebalance period. I agree, relationships in general are good (usually). But if anybody knows of any studies on the affect that male bonding has, I would be interested to hear about them. And I'm wondering if Marnia or Gary have studied this as it relates to what we are doing.

Hell yes

it's good for you. For exactly the reason you name. Tribal and pair-bonding connections are the "rewards" our brains are actually seeking.

Glad you enjoyed it.


One book that has been recommended by several folks on here, is "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. One of the things he says is that, spending time with other men is something that's really important in general. I'd tend to agree. "Not using porn" may be the specific thing we talk about a lot here, but replacing that with healthy things is really important, which includes not only intimacy with a woman, but also guy time with other guys.

In other words it's not just about not using porn, it's about building a satisfying life, and the two go hand in hand.

Infinity: I would be very

Infinity: I would be very interested to see the results of your experiment. I am probably the worst person be involved in the experiment right now, though, because I am extremely busy with school right now.

RisingSine: I have actually read that book twice. I thought it was really good, and I can definitely see some connections between YBOP and NMMNG. But, as I recall, he only talked briefly about porn addiction. The bulk of his book was about learning to be more assertive, and being able to set boundaries. There's no doubt in my mind that male bonding is beneficial. I love being around other guys. There's really nothing quite like it. I wish I had a lot more opportunities to do just that. I remember going on hunting trips when I was a kid, and how much fun it was. Not having any women around for a while was like having a real vacation. Ha Ha (sorry ladies, but it's true.) But I guess what I'm wondering is what affect all of that has on what we are doing here. How does it apply to dopamine levels, and rebalancing, etc. If I have an orgasm with my girlfriend/wife, and then go hang out with a bunch of guys for a few days, will I rebalance a lot faster? I could see that happening.

Marnia: Thanks for the insight. That's what I was wondering. I'm also wondering about how the rebalance affects our attraction to other guys, in the male bonding sort of way. I've heard a lot of guys say that they have noticed women responding more positively to them during reboot. But I wonder if any guys notice whether they are more readily accepted into groups of other guys. Just thinking out loud I guess. It's always interesting to hear your insight because you and Gary have so much more experience with brain function, etc.

I find it much easier to talk to guys

much easier to maintain eye contact and initiate conversations. Much more confidence with men and women. The other day I had a meeting with 11 strangers and it was so easy. I felt no awkwardness. And I used to feel awkward maintaining eye contact with men, sort of feeling inside like it was a bit gay in some way, but I don't feel that anymore.

That's interesting. I've

That's interesting. I've always thought that in new groups, it was more important to make friends with the men in the group first. It just seemed to make it easier to then make friends with the women.

One theory I have, (but I am so unknowledgeable obout this stuff) is that, in a tribal setting, if a man has sex with his female partner, and then goes off hunting with the rest of the guys from the tribe, maybe that would help reboot his brain a lot faster so that when the hunters return from the trip, he is ready to rock again. Maybe she would get the same affect from spending time with the women in the tribe while the men are away. I could just be blowing smoke though. Just a thought.

That's certainly

John Gray's thinking. (Men are from Mars....)

Men do also need to bond with men. Zimbardo mentions it in this short talk. http://yourbrainonporn.com/philip-zimbardo-the-demise-of-guys-2011

That said, I firmly believe that they need bonds with women, too, for best functioning and balance. Make your own experiments. Smile

I belong to an academic sexologists' listserve, and there's a gay guy on there who's constantly expressing his ecstasy over the fact that straight men are starting to kiss and hug each other (and of course experiment in other ways). He calls it an end to homophobia, but I also wonder if it's partly attributable to the insufficient touch most of us have to put up with today.

Thanks Marnia! I think you're

Thanks Marnia! I think you're right. And I'm certainly looking for my next opportunity to bond with a woman. =) I'll have to read that book at some point. It's been around long enough, so there must be something to it. Very cool. I think I'll put it on the list right behind Cupid's Poisoned Arrow for things to read when I get to choose again some day. Ha ha.