Today is day 29 of no PMO. I don't know how to explain what I feel. On the one hand, I am so dominating the beast that I am just absolutely refusing to give in to PMO. I am DUG IN! I have my war helmet ON! This is like the battle of the porno buldge! Ha ha. And that is a good way to describe it, because although my attitude is strong, the beast is still there. I would LOVE to be able to go rub one out. But no way. It ain't happenen. I'm not screwing this up. I think the best way to compare this is to my experience with quitting smoking.
Well, it's 1:30am-ish and I'm on here updating. Still going strong on the ol' PMO. I'm feeling like I'm back to flatline. I was hoping that I was coming out of it, but now I'm just back to being kind of indifferent about things. Last night I watched X-Men First Class. There's a scene in the beginning with a whole parade of very scantily clad women in some Las Vegas night club. But when I saw it, I was just indifferent about it. So, either I'm getting over the 2D female image, or my brain is still desensitized. I'm guessing the latter. Then, last night, I was dealing with insomnia again.
I have read several accounts now of guys who swear up and down that women are more attracted to them after the reboot process. What's the deal? I would love to hear some female insight on this if possible. Is it just that your behavior changes in a way that's more attractive? Or do women have a sort of "sixth sense" about the whole thing? Just curious if anybody has an explanation, or theories.
It's Friday night and I'm feeling really agitated/restless. I just got home from class about a half hour ago. Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to go take a practice test that is supposed to mimic one part of the bar exam. So, I'll write about my issues/"bad stuff" first, then the "good stuff". Here's where I'm at...
Well, it's day 27. I may or may not post twice today. It's only about 12:30pm, but I wanted to write a little something because last night's blog entry was so long winded. A couple of positive things to take note of. I have been wanting to socialize more. Yesterday morning, I decided it was too boring studying in my apartment, so I went and found a coffee shop downtown that I never knew was there. It was really nice to get out and just be among other people. I was sitting alone but the atmosphere, the people talking, the cars and people going by outside the window, was nice.
I have found that reading posts on other’s recovery experience has been very helpful to me in my recovery, so I thought I should contribute. Besides, journaling or “blogging” may help me to some extent. Anything is worth a shot at this point.