Day 41 of nofap and no PMO

Submitted by jameshall99 on
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I need some guidance. I am 59 years old. I exercise regularly and I eat a good diet. Recently divorced. I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who is sexually available to me. Several months ago, I discovered to my horror that I had ED. Her patient support and my discovery of Your Brain on Porn have brought me a long way. Now, I regularly get morning wood and sometimes it is middle of the night wood (does that qualify as a spontaneous erection?). Here's my dilemma: I get erect only when she directly stimulates my genitals. Even though our foreplay sets my brain on fire, my body does not respond until she touches me. However, I find her gentle stimulation to be very, very pleasurable. My erection is not a rigid as my morning wood and I lose the erection after 5 minutes even when I have not ejaculated. I am planning to marry her and I want to find a way to maintain my erection longer than 5 minutes. Suggestions, anyone?

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Not a porn user anymore

I was while I was in a sexless marriage and while I was separated from my wife (about 18 months). As my divorce was nearing the finish line, I fell in love and that relationship progressed slowly and naturally toward physical intimacy. 6 months ago I had full-blown ED. I was determined to find out why as it had not been a problem before. That is when I discovered YBOP. I stopped the porn use and then went all the way with nofap. I made steady progress and the ED eventually disappeared. However, it seems that I have hit some kind of plateau (see my posting above) and I am wondering what, if anything, I should do about it.

Maybe

change your expectations (to remove all performance) for a while and let the healing continue.

You two might enjoy this book in the meanwhile: Tantric Sex For Men Read some of it together and see what she thinks.

At the end of the day, you may both be glad you found "performanceless sex." Let the erections come and go. Just fall into a reverie together when appropriate, and rev up when you rev up (kissing often does it for us).

Love making can be quite special when it's like breathing...rather than like a car chase. Bomb

it has worked for me

I get hard without any stimulation at all. If my wife comes into the room and gives me a look I may get hard.

My erections aren't generally iron and I don't care or want that anyway.

But the answer for me was, avoiding all manual stimulation. I don't masturbate and I don't really like it for her to stimulate me that way either. When we cuddle I often get very aroused and get erect just naturally, then it goes down and then it goes up...it's just natural.

So I would say, just give it more time and avoid direct stimulation on your penis. The more cuddling and bonding you do the better. And non-orgasmic sex is just amazing, something you may enjoy trying for a bit.

 

Thank you!

There are times when I am alone with my girlfriend where I am "lost in wonder, love and praise". And if I had to choose between orgasm and those moments, I would choose those moments. Right now, I am blown away by the comments above. This is truly a wonderful revelation, that I can pursue being lost in wonder, love and praise and sexual fulfillment / bonding at the same time.

you have no idea

the level of feelings makes an orgasm for me quite unattractive. There is such depth of love here and nothing is as great as cuddling with my partner or having my penis inside her and just hanging out, so to speak. It is as close to Nirvana as we will ever come to on Earth.

For me this whole journey of occasional ED was the greatest blessing because it is why I discovered this incredible joy and it has utterly changed my life.