Alright, so last Tuesday there I was just minding my own business, when I get a call from my ex girlfriend, who I absolutely hate. She drinks a lot, snorts pills, and is just very unmotivated to further her life in any good way, and those are the reasons why I broke up with her in the first place about 2 months ago. When you look up the word "bitch" in the dictionary, her face will be there, that's the kind of girl she is.
Technically, this is day 37 without porn, but day 23 since I last masturbated (which I did not using porn). Progress has been good. The past week I've been noticing girls a lot more than I used to, so I know the reboot is in fact working. I've been hanging out with this one girl for the past few days. We haven't done anything sexual at all, just cuddling and making out here and there. She wants to wait for sex, which is great because I want to do this reboot 110%, so I'm waiting 3-5 months before I decide to maybe start having sex again.
I think this is my 4th attempt at this reboot. I caved in last Thursday around 11pm. Although, I didn't masturbate to any shemale porn. I was laying in bed about to go to sleep, and I had a bit of a spike. It wasn't an urge to masturbate to shemale porn, it was an urge to just masturbate. So I did, but I was thinking about an ex-girlfriend when I did it. Which is progress I think, because 6 or 7 months ago I was only getting it up for shemale porn.
Two weeks ago I relapsed during my reboot, but after having relapsed a few other times in the past three months, I noticed it was becoming easier and not as frustrating every time I started the reboot back up. So, I made another attempt at the reboot. But this time was different, I had more confidence and was more determined than ever before. A week into my latest reboot attempt my HOCD was minimal, practically nonexistent, and I was feeling great.
Well, my girlfriend and I broke up on Tuesday. She had been acting different the week prior, hardly talking to me at all, always having an excuse to not hang out like we usually do, etc. On Sunday I asked her what was wrong, she said she felt like I was moving too fast, that she wasn't as serious as I was, but that she still wanted to be with me and asked me to give her some space and slow things down. So I did.
So, I've been noticing that my girlfriend has became a bit more distant over the past two days, even though when I went to see her yesterday that everything seemed fine. So about an hour ago I finally asked her about why she was acting distant lately, and she said "I don't know." But I kept asking because I knew something was wrong, and she finally said that "I don't think I'm as serious as you are", meaning our relationship.
Well, these 10 days have had many ups and downs, but more downs than ups. Dealing with this HOCD has been really hard, sometimes I feel like I'm going insane.