Ramblings and revelations

Submitted by johnjacob on
Printer-friendly version

My spiritual evolution and all its twists and turns has lead me to believe that I must now learn to channel my sexual energy in a creative productive way. Recently I practice 6 weeks of semen retention and I envisioned it having a profound effect in my relationship and sex life. The opposite came true, although i still am a believer in retaining ones seed for many reasons. But it was my experience that my wife and I grew further apart and my sexual energy overwhelmed her. It is true that we already had an imbalance in this area but this seemed to amplify the difference. So on day 46 I decided to solo cultivate and ejaculate. I am not sure if it was the state of my relationship or the loss of semen but I slipped into a major depression for the last couple of days. I seem to be coming out of it now, but what I realized was that I was looking for something outside of myself to fulfill me and make me happy, which is never a good plan for me. I know now as I begin this next round of semen retention I must learn to channel the energy in other ways. Has anyone else had experience with needing to lower their desire for sex to meet the level their partner is at? I am hopeful that if I can learn to be more balanced with my energy it will be more attractive to her and we can have a happy sex life. We have kids together and we both really want this to work out. It could be that karezza may save our marriage but how to get her into it is the question...

Comments

Thanks Marnia, at the moment

Thanks Marnia, at the moment we are not cuddling everyday nor are we very physical at all. We are just beginning to.pull ourselves out of a rut and I think we are headed in a good direction if I can be patient and allow her the space to have these realizations on her own. I do plan to suggest karezza when the time is right. For now I am going to focus on the things I can do on my own. Thank you for the suggestions, I think that I'll get back into daily.cold showers and perhaps some time in nature. I hadn't thought about socializing as a solution by I'll give that a try too. Appreciate the support!

my whole life

married has been unequal drives. My wife is quite low drive. But we do fine. And the secret as Marnia says is lots of snuggling and lots of scheduled sex. The first six months of this Karezza was difficult for me. I was feeling very needy and she was pulling away because she was feeling incredibly pressured by my not masturbating and seeing her as my only sexual outlet. 

I would suggest NOT ejaculating. It makes things worse. As I think you found out. The solution is naked cuddling every day if possible...and lots of intercourse...

Thanks Emerson, its nice to

Thanks Emerson, its nice to hear others have had similar challenges and have seemingly overcome them. So, do you suggest not.masturbating at all, even non ejaculatory? I have this fear that if my wife and I aren't sexually active at the moment and I stop self stimulation that things will stop working down there. I have no reason to believe this theory,just a fear.Also are you saying best to never ejaculate? I am new to this practice as of the last year and have really had profound results with not ejaculating, but before this I was a 3-4 times a week or more kind of guy. Perhaps not masturbating at all is what I need...

yes

I think it's best to not ejaculate and not masturbate at all. I think that works best. 

There is nothing better to move your life to having sex with your wife again. If that is an impossibility, then it will maybe help you make tough decisions in your life...that's my feeling.

 

re: yes

Thanks for the advice I think I'll give it a try and see what happens.I haven't tried that approach before. Could be the rebalancing I need.

You are on the right road, j

You are on the right road, j-j-.

I fully agree with emerson, that you should not masturbate or ejaculate. I think your wife and you will reach a mutually comfortable level of sexual activity in due time; that is what has happened with me and my wife. I prefer more sex, she prefers less. And, she states that she prefers ordinary, orgasmic sex.

But, 18 months after starting Karezza, we practice Karezza nearly daily. It has just evolved to that, of its own accord.

Great idea, to find a non-sexual outlet for your newfound energy and creativity.

Great idea, to schedule sex -- e.g., every other day or every third day -- which gives your wife comfort that not all of your advances are to culminate in intercourse. It worked for us.

You are doing something very important: changing your sex habits for the benefit of your marriage, your kids, and you. You seem to be exercising patience, understanding, and restraint. You are doing your part, and I would wager that your wife will do her part, given the good, newfound changes you are and will be showing. It will work out, j-j-.

Thank you, I appreciate the

Thank you, I appreciate the mature, grounded feedback from those who have been through it already. I feel confident that this change of not masturbating or ejaculating will be beneficial in balancing my energy. I am a little concerned that not masturbating and infrequent intercourse may cause me to be over sensitive and prematurely ejaculate when we do make love. I guess I need to be careful for self fulfilling prophecies. Its just most of the strides I made in overcoming pe were from practicing on my own. For now I'll keep the faith and know that if this has potential to save my marriage then its worth trying it out. Thanks again for the guidance on these issues.
John jacob

copied from the Energy Circulation thread

This is similar to mantak's Taoist teachings and may help with your PE concerns.

"And then I discovered solo tantra. The solo equivalent of karezza, if you will. And it's changed everything! The whole idea is to treat the sexual act like a meditation, rather than some uncontrollable animal impulse. I prefer to call it "genital massage" as opposed to masturbation (because masturbation to me is linked to orgasm!). So my whole technique involves a very SLOW, gentle, completely and totally relaxed genital massage, much like partnered karezza. The goal is to stay in the 60-70% arousal zone. If you go past that, you reach the "point of no return" and have no choice but to orgasm.

The goal of this solo technique is to awaken your own sexual bliss through a gentle, loving and meditative self-massage, and to let that blissful feeling fill up every single cell in your body. Once you have massaged yourself into a relaxed state of bliss, focus on your breath and feel every cell in your body radiating with creative energy. As you meditate on this feeling, your sexual parts will no longer be aroused but the bliss in your body will remain. It's like a natural high, and the feeling will last for hours if you do it right!!!I've gone 16 days without orgasm and have been using this method almost daily. It truly works for me, and I hope it works for you as well. If you're frustrated with your current inability to remain PMO free, then try this out!