[Excerpt from SEX in the Subtle Realms of Infinity (in press)]
Karezza Korner's blog
(emerson) I know this is difficult, but it's a romantic fantasy that people are going to "get" this up front. However, once you practice this sex with them, even if they are not, the magic happens. This is my preferred recommendation these days. Open mindedness happens when you are the example. Expecting to find someone already into this is like impossible. But someone receptive...well that's different.
I was watching a show from the UK called Fleabag, episode 2, and it actually addresses Karezza and lovemaking versus "fucking"...first time I've seen someone in a show get this right and address the issue. Point is, though, that you first meet someone, then you have sex, and you don't orgasm, and they get intrigued, and things evolve. That's how I see it. Anything else is doomed.
The worst way to explain it to a man is to say "it's like sex but you don't have an orgasm." Who wants that???? I also don't like the "affectionate gentle intercourse" angle, as that never seemed appealing when I was on the dopamine train. But if you say "you prolong sex, have lots of sexual intercourse, and delay your ejaculation for a long time and sometimes don't even bother ejaculating so you are always ready...and you get this amazing sensitivity and pleasure throughout your whole body" that can sell guys. Or at least the right guys.
"Karezza" is a term coined over a century ago, and several old books discuss it. It can be interesting and enlightening to read what others had to say about it, or similar practices. Click the "WISDOM tab at the top of the page and explore some of the links in the lefthand margin.
Here's one visitor's "Recommended Reading" list:
(thegentlevegan) Let me say briefly which books and articles about Karezza I have been reading that have been ultimately helpful for our experience:
Apple founder Steve Jobs wanted to indulge in tantric sex in his garden shed, new book by his ex-girlfriend Chrisann Brennan claims
I was a prisoner of the PMO cycle, and I came across nofap when I started having ED problems in bed. To make things extra stressful, my wife and I were trying to have kids. Not having sex was not an option and I needed to change.
I have been practicing a version of karezza / western tantra for about 6 months now, usually going about 3 weeks between orgasms. (some vuluntary, some involuntary) There have been many ebbs and flows so far, sometimes it seems as if I'm drowning in sexual desire, othertimes seems this practice lowers my libido, but overall the results have been very positive for my partner and I - more balanced moods and more warmth and more happiness and very long beuaitufl love making sessions.
The Exchanges in Cupid can help get around the following challenge because they "pace" the transition. A Cupid reader reported:
(clarity) You mentioned several months ago that one of the toughest times for you back then was at night, in bed, right before falling asleep. That was the hardest time for me at first, too. Then I started to just go with it, and go ahead and fantasize, but keep it calm. Sometimes basically a karezza fantasy, sometimes a full on energy circulation meditation. Now that it's been over a year, it's where my mind goes automatically. I don't have to try anymore, I can just relax and feel like I am indulging myself, yet I stay safely calm.
Time is the surest method. Women often seem to need longer than men to feel back in balance (if they notice a connection at all), but members of both sexes have occasionally reported recovery times of up to 15 days. Some people feel the effects for a shorter time, of course. And most people have both good and bad days during the cycle.