(blissed) My wife lies flat on her back on our bed. I usually start by massaging her legs from thigh to ankle. I can tell how effective I am by the sounds she makes as she lets go of tension. This is time well-spent as the more deeply relaxed she is, the better the Karezza. Then, from the foot of the bed, I slowly move forward on my hands and knees, over her body, until our chests are matched up. I hold the bulk of my own weight on my knees and lower arms, but press into her to the degree that's pleasant for both of us. Gentle movements against her pubis, while our chests are together, soon has her squirming around underneath me. Sometimes, in a gentle, playful way, we will dry hump like a couple of horny teenagers. No attempt is made at PIV until she says to me in her sweet voice, "Honey, I'm ready."
Early in our marriage, rather than me always asking her if she was ready, we decided to have her ask me specifically to put my penis in her vagina, but only when she was completely ready. This let me know she was ready, and just as important, her asking me to put myself inside her was very good for her emotions because her initiating gave her more of a sense of freedom and choice.
Sex had been so traumatic for her in a previous relationship that she had spent a lot of time running away from it, and then giving in to sex she didn't want out of a false sense of duty. Her specifically asking me to join our bodies in lovemaking has been an effective remedy for the trauma, stress, and lack of freedom in her past.
(FinallyHappy) *Almost* everything I have learned about Karezza has come from this amazing website. I thought I should pay-it-forward in a sense and offer a very personal part of my Karezza experience as I think others will benefit from it greatly.
My love and I call it nursing, although I am not making milk at this time. I nursed two children and very distinctively remember the feeling of my body being flooded with oxytocin... I loved the feeling and I loved caressing and staring at my children and would frequently get completely lost in the moment as I nourished their bodies and souls.
After a particularly stressful workday for my love, I was holding his head to my naked chest and I asked him if he would like to nurse. I couldn't help but wonder if it would soothe him in the same way I used it to soothe my children when they were feeling particularly emotional. After a very quick yes, I taught him a proper latch and we were off.
We learned three things that day... One, it all came very naturally to him, like it's meant to happen. Two, both of our bodies became immediately flooded with massive amounts of oxytocin. Three, after about 10 minutes of nursing, my vagina was dripping (and i mean dripping) wet and I was more aroused than I had ever been in my life.
My love says that he has never in his life felt so comforted as when he latches on and I hold his head in my arms. His eyes roll back into his head and he is in ecstasy. There's nothing erotic about it either, it's just beautiful and delicious and we are very deeply bonded by it.
I find this topic especially appropriate for this site as I recently read an article about a woman who healed her husband's drug addiction by nursing him whenever he was being pulled toward the drugs... she said that once he felt the flood of oxytocin, it's as though his addiction just vanished.
One of these days I hope to write down my whole story and my experience with karezza, as I know that my mission in life is to teach others about this. In a nutshell, I was raised in a home without affection, security, comfort (yada, yada, yada) and I had reluctantly accepted that I was suffering from an insecure attachment disorder. My partner was my very best friend and we loved being together, but every time he touched me, I was filled with anxiety. My heart broke whenever I looked at him because all he wanted to do was give me his love and he couldn't. I had no idea how to be loved by him and I had even less of an idea how to tap into my love and give it to him. Psychologically I understood exactly what was going on and why, but I was unable to find a tool to help myself. I was consumed with "fixing" what was "wrong" with me, but no matter what I tried, nothing worked. My partner and I were heartbroken together.
On a (very) random occasion, my anxiety was at bay when my partner touched me. We made love that night in a way we never had before (very karezza-ish) and the next day I felt so good and so close to him. I wondered why, so I started researching and realized that oxytocin was the reason I felt that way. I started looking up ways to increase oxytocin and stumbled upon this site. My life was forever changed. Karezza was the tool I had been looking for. My love and I have been together for 9 years - 8 of those years, we suffered a great deal together... but the last year, with karezza, has been nothing short of magical. I am finally happy <3
I have had great success [explaining this to] couples. My love grins ear to ear as he watches me work karezza into conversations at just the right moment. He says people are captivated by me and that I could sell anything to anyone. I don't agree that I could sell anything, only things that I believe in whole-heartedly. People look at me like I am reading their minds, but in reality, we are all fighting most of the same battles. The answer is always the same... it's true, connected love, and it's usually sleeping right next to them.
[Reply by a man on the forum]
What a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing!
Sarita and Gebo, in their excellent book, 'Tantric Love,' call that technique 'Mother-Child Meditation' (p. 106). They recommend that the male latch on for 20 minutes. They recommend that the couple not pursue intercourse immediately thereafter, but wait a few hours, as "...This (intercourse) would disrupt the delicate inner process that has been initiated in both of you..." They also recommend that a couple perform this, ideally, daily on 10 consecutive days.
The rest of the book is akin to the 'Ecstatic Exchanges' in Marnia's book, but with lovely photos.
Here is the entire section on p. 106:
The Breast-sucking (photo on right) technique can be done whether or not you and your partner are lovers; it does not involve sexual intercourse. The woman takes the role of the mother with a baby and the man becomes the baby. After the meditation you should not, under any circumstances, enter into intercourse. This would destroy the delicate inner process that has been activated in both of you. If you and your partner are lovers, you can enter sexual union after a few hours.
It may happen that a great desire for sex arises during the meditation because of openness, intimacy, and vulnerability. Sometimes the man fears losing his manhood and will want to prove it by having sex; sometimes the woman may feel a surge of pleasure as she relaxes inter her breasts. Just keep witnessing those feelings, but do not let them distract you. The sucking is that of a baby seeking nourishment, not of a man seeking to turn on a woman. There is a great differences If you are not sure what the difference is, watch a baby sucking on a mother's breast.
This mediation is to be done ten times, preferably every day, for ten days.
(This is the verbiage under the photo)
If you are the woman, take the role of a mother with her baby. Hold your partner and be with him exactly like a woman is with her infant. Do not talk other than in baby talk. If you are the man, become the baby. Curl up in your partner's lap and suck her breasts for 20 minutes, just like a baby. After the meditation, separate, bow in gratefulness, and move apart without speaking. Under no circumstances should you enter into intercourse.
(Post by husband in his 50s, recently remarried) This post will be at least a start of relating some of the highlights of what we have learned in our practice of karezza for the first 6 1/2 months of our karezza marriage.
After we had settled into our nice room where we spent our 3 day honeymoon, we took turns slowly "unwrapping" each other, kissing, and touching, and then we took a relaxing tub bath together. After that we took turns touching and looking over each other's bodies in the natural light. I then told her that she was very beautiful, and that her vagina and labia were also beautiful and looked like the petals of a flower. This was a miracle because, when we had talked a week or two before we were married, my beloved had voiced that she wanted us to make love under the covers and in the dark. I simply voiced that I would like to make love openly and in the daylight or with the lights on. And then we prayed that we would be brought into harmony on this question. Fast-forward to us walking into the room with our bags with her walking ahead of me. We were both immediately pleased with everything about the room, and all her reservations about me seeing her body, and us making love in the light, were swept away in an instant. What a pivotal moment !!
When we first attempted intercourse, we used some walnut oil for lublication and I was soft. My beloved laid on the bed with her back flat and straight, and when I saw how low her vaginal entrance was, I suggested that we try connecting with her legs straight up in the air. I was upright on my knees and moved in close to her. By pressing her feet and calves against my chest and shoulders she was able to arch and raise her bottom so that her vagina and my penis were in perfect alignment with each other. I then asked her to part her "flower" for me as I slowly and gently and easily inserted just the head of my penis inside her. With that first small step she had (on a scale of one to ten) level 5 pain in the entrance to her vagina. I asked her to tell me if she wanted me to withdraw. She wanted to hang in there, and let our genitals talk to each other, while we both remained perfectly still. Within 5 to 10 minutes the pain had diminished to about 3 and remained at that level, and after another 5 minutes or so I withdrew. We then spoke about what we had learned, cuddled, put our chests together for a short time, and then had some light refreshments.
A couple of hours later we joined together again in the same way, but her initial pain this time was less, and the duration of the pain was also slightly less. Later that evening we joined together in the scissors position and fell asleep for a couple of hours. We were both very encouraged by the immediate, small incremental improvements, and we felt that the more time that we had my penis in her vagina the sooner our bodies would be completely at peace with each other.
Within 24 hours, (after joining together 5 or 6 times) I was able to enter her exactly like I did the first time with her having only slight pain for a moment or two, and then no pain at all as long as I remained perfectly still. She still had some slight pain or discomfort (a 1 or 2) if I moved at all inside her vagina. We had absolutely no agenda, and I made sure in advance that my beloved did not feel under any pressure to perform. I had assured her two or three times, (before we were married) that if we simply held each other in our arms for our entire honeymoon because she was not ready or able to make love yet, that it would be ok. That assurance helped her a lot. When we went home three days later, we were both very happy with the progress we had made together, and the confidence in our future happiness that we had both gained.
The second night of our honeymoon we again fell asleep joined together in the scissors position. After an hour or so, I woke up suddenly with her pulling violently away from me because of the very severe pain from a firm erection I had inside her. Later the next morning, as we talked more about what had happened, I had complete clarity that her severe vaginal pain was from her past, and was not from anything I had done in the moment. My penis was simply responding to her female polarity when it became erect in her vagina while we were both asleep. (I wasn't moving at all) At first she had a bit of trouble understanding what was going on, (generally it's much easier to focus on and blame whatever's going on in the moment) but she saw it more and more clearly that the pain was from her past as we talked and reasoned it out.
Our honeymoon consisted of four primary activities: lovemaking, taking nourishment, going for pleasant walks in the surrounding area as we talked about what we were experiencing and learning, and sleep whenever we wanted for however long or short we wanted. The first three days of our marriage was everything that both of us wanted and hoped it would be. The motel we stayed at was within 10 miles of home, nobody else knew where we were, and we were able to lock the world outside while we learned to make love to each other in a safe, comfortable, and very pleasant environment. It will also be very easy to return to the same motel and room on our anniversary if we choose.
After reading Diana Richardson's books we decided to always use the words "penis" and "vagina" when referring to our sex organs because we can say either of those words 100 times in a row without it sounding goofy. Once in a great while we will refer to my "wand of light" or her "sacred space", but most of the time we use "penis" or "vagina". Once in a while my beloved will say "the vagina" when referring to herself instead of "my vagina" and I'll reply with "Who's vagina are we talking about?", she'll correct herself and refer to "her vagina", and we'll have a good chuckle between us.
Before marriage, we had hours and hours of spooning with her legs resting on mine. It was pure bliss for both of us. We still enjoy spooning because we have so much positive history with it, but I did not really think much about spooning with intercourse because for the first 2 or 3 months virtually all my entries were soft. (and I thought - mistakenly - that rear entry while spooning was impossible, or next to impossible, without a firm erection).
One morning 2 or 3 months ago, I woke up with a partial or full erection, my beloved was lubricated from our earlier lovemaking, I asked her if we could join together, she placed "the little man with the helmet on" at her entrance, and with very little effort I was "in". I was (and still am) absolutely amazed at how easy it was (and is) for us to "plug in" this way. I've also been totally amazed by how much pleasure is possible for both of us without me having a full erection, and also how easy it is for my soft or semi-soft penis to slide around in her lubricated vagina.
We are both completely relaxed while spooning, and the sensations from our slow gentle movements and pauses are amazing. If one of us wakes at 4-4:30am, we will often turn toward and gently wake the other, and put our chests together for a short time to wake up our polarities, we'll fall asleep this way, I'll wake up with an erection, and then she'll turn back over on her other side, and we'll join together as spoons. On a few different mornings I have had just the very start of an erection, my beloved has placed the head of my penis right at her entrance, I made a little flick with my hips, and I was "in". While we are joined, I will often move my free hand slowly all over her body with feather-light touch and it really helps her energy to move freely all over her body. I know from previous experience that regular rear entry sex can very quickly lead to orgasm. When we spoon I do have to use more discipline to resist the old impulses to thrust, and more discipline and focus to keep moving my energy up frequently, in order to not get too close to orgasm -- but the benefits we both enjoy with this very satisfying position make it well worth any extra effort.
The pain and trauma that my beloved has stored in her body generally and especially in her vagina (much of it for decades) is now being released and healed by our gentle lovemaking. 30 years ago she spent a few hours of her honeymoon in the emergency room due to severe pain. (possibly semen allergy, or honeymoon cystitis, mixed with some deep fears she had of the unknown about sex) She spent the better part of two decades with a man who was often insensitive, ejaculated quickly, and fell off to sleep after he was done, while she went and sat in a tub of warm water to relieve her pain. To try to cope, she would stay late at work, do other things away from home, and let him have sex as infrequently as possible. She was on tamoxifen for two years which caused her severe vaginal dryness and irritation. She once had a medical device inserted in her vagina to take pictures of the walls of her vagina and she recalls clearly that the pain associated with that procedure was "off the chart". (level 10 or over) The medical assistant commented that that was not "normal" for her to be in that much pain, but didn't make any suggestion of where to seek help.
Before we met it was painful for her to even touch herself on any part of her vagina or labia. Bathing with warm water alone produced level 5 pain, and the pain was increased to level 6-8 with a quality hand-made soap. She remembered that at some point after we started spooning without intercourse (during our 2 year long courtship), her pain while bathing was reduced to level 3 pain with warm water alone, and the pain was increased to level 4-5 with a quality hand-made soap. A month or so before we married, she propped herself up-side-down against a wall and poured some walnut oil into her vagina because we planned to use
that as a lubricant on our honeymoon -- it felt very good to her and she had NO negative reaction. As her vaginal pain has lessened during lovemaking, it has likewise lessened during bathing when she touches her vagina and labia. She now has NO pain in bathing or lovemaking and lovemaking is more and more
pleasurable to her. And I am becoming more and more sensitive in my penis and I can often sense her mood and/or energy level from the vibrations I recieve from her vagina.
My beloved has told me that when we spoon, if I gently move once or twice, and then remain still, that she has bursts of energy from her vagina that travel all over her body. This is now happening to the lady who had faith in me and my tenderness 6 1/2 short months ago, and pushed through her level 5 pain so that together we could help each other, step by step, get to where we are today.
I have ejaculated 7 or 8 times since our wedding - none of them were intentional. We made love every day for 5 weeks before my first inadvertant ejaculation. I have only ejaculated twice inside my beloved's vagina. The first time she had NO noticable reaction, the second time she had a slight burning sensation in her vaginal area, and her focus and energy level that day was less than usual. So we are especially thankful for a knowledge of Karezza. I will share a few more comments and observations on ejaculation in a future post.
My darling wife, the woman who has been through all of the above, is the same woman who now frequently asks me for PIV and asks if I am going to bed with her so we can fall asleep joined together in the scissors position. It is always a pleasure to respond to her lovemaking requests. She just as eagerly responds to mine. We remain open in heart and mind to whatever the future holds for us on our karezza journey together.