Can a woman do Karezza if the man isn't into it?

Submitted by Karezza Korner on
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(Rachel) There are some letters in the book Tantric Love Letters from women who were in the situation where their men just weren't interested in trying conscious sex.

The author's advice was that tantra is really an individual experience (when you are looking at just the idea of going within yourself and being conscious) and a woman can feel her breasts, relax her pelvic floor, remain calm and keep her movements from matching the man's fast/heated movements. She feels confident a woman is powerful enough to slow a man down just by her *own* presence. (we are the vessel and we have that power)

Over time, the man will become so magnetized by this way of being he will fall into the same patterns. It will be impossible for him to act conventionally when in her presence.

There are *many* times when I am able to slow us *both* down by taking my breathing down a notch and remaining still and present; in fact, my lover depends on me to do that~~if I go, he goes, lol.




I'm curious

I'm curious if its possible for a man to do Karezza if the women around him and/or remotely available to him aren't into it. I've found a remarkable lack of women who have a strong enough interest in a healing approach to intimacy to do anything about it. Many seem to get the idea that it might be a good idea for someone else. My solution to this is to work on uncovering the barriers to Love within myself. Whether the women around here ever get the value of that or not remains to be seen. From my perspective, there is alot of fear (and alot of sexual politics) around here.

Any suggestions? Ideas?

I'll warn you. I've been at this for a long time and have tried pretty much all the conventional approaches to meeting people.



I cant say much about whether a woman can practice karezza with a guy thats not into it, considering I'm a guy. But I can address your question of the other way around.

You can definitely practice your part of the equation with or without your partners participation. One thing you do need is a little bit of respect and consideration from your partner. Make it clear that you prefer not to orgasm and if you get too close, that she would stop or slow down, just for a moment, until you get yourself back away from the edge. Let her know if what she wants is a good orgasm you're happy to oblige. If giving her one through intercourse is too difficult that go for it orally. Be creative with your approach. I'm not saying it will be easy in the beginning but if you're commited you can do it.

In the beginning my wife chose to continue orgasming. All I asked was that she would momentarily stop if I said, "stop". She respected this request and we did fine. It didnt take long before she was very happy I chose to obstain from orgasming and then on her own timetable decided to join me in this approach.


Thanks for writing Daryl,

I'm actually even further back than that. I don't have a partner at all! Finding women who can even entertain the possibility that mutual support and healing could be a valuable approach to relating seems to be a real conversation destroyer around here. The closest I can get to this is women who share my interest in Reiki and healing touch but the level of personal intimacy there is quite limited.

I was hoping that there might be ways of generating the kind of energy I'm seeking with a partner on my own as I wait for a woman to see the value of what I'm offering.




If you are looking for a means of doing Karezza on your own maybe one of those Fleshlights would help. I have heard they are amazingly realistic and feel just like the real thing. So it may be you could use one instead of a vagina, in a Karezza manner, and perhaps obtain the results you are looking for. I have thought of trying one for times when my wife and I are apart as masturbation isn't for me. It looks like one of these would allow the penis to be inserted and have very little stimulation but still have the all the sensation.

Partners in healing

Hi Marnia,

That's a good idea and yet I haven't yet met anyone who fits that description. There isn't really much of a social network of people who are healing from Crohn's disease other than people who are committed to the medical model. At least, I haven't found it yet. Digestive illnesses are challenging that way. There is a huge amount of shame around problems related to bowel function. It's really difficult to overcome. There is a similar challenge with sexual health. I have yet to meet a group of local people who share my interest in health at this level.

It's a good idea though, and I'll certainly keep it in mind.

Thanks for thinking of me!