(Rachel) There are some letters in the book Tantric Love Letters from women who were in the situation where their men just weren't interested in trying conscious sex.
The author's advice was that tantra is really an individual experience (when you are looking at just the idea of going within yourself and being conscious) and a woman can feel her breasts, relax her pelvic floor, remain calm and keep her movements from matching the man's fast/heated movements. She feels confident a woman is powerful enough to slow a man down just by her *own* presence. (we are the vessel and we have that power)
Over time, the man will become so magnetized by this way of being he will fall into the same patterns. It will be impossible for him to act conventionally when in her presence.
There are *many* times when I am able to slow us *both* down by taking my breathing down a notch and remaining still and present; in fact, my lover depends on me to do that~~if I go, he goes, lol.