Determined guy, girlfriend not so much

Submitted by Karezza Korner on
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April 7

I was excited to learn about karezza and really want to begin practicing it. I'm a male and I have practiced long periods of complete abstinence so I know the benefits are real but my girlfriend seems skeptical.

She admitted to me that she only has clitoral orgasms and doesn't really feel anything from penetration except sometimes discomfort from certain positions. Would she be able to benefit from karezza being that penetration is not really enjoyable? She doesn't seem too thrilled about the whole thing and I don't think she has given the book (CPA) or other links I've given her much attention.

I thought perhaps I can continue to give her clitoral orgasms with oral and manual sex then she won't mind gentle intercourse while I practice the principles being sure to give her lots of affection. I have read a few posts of couples with one practicing "no orgasm" ( the male ) and the woman climaxing and eventually the woman becomes curious about abstaining and eventually both are on board. But I noticed from the ones I read about, the women were having penetration orgasms which means both partners get what they want simultaneously.

How would it work in my case? She appears to only really like to receive oral and manual sex and tolerates penetration to satisfy me.

April 10

I have no doubt karezza will change things for the better. Everything I hear about it rings true in my spirit and I'm very excited. I just have to work on getting past these minor obstacles.

For instance I have the tendency to become aroused very easily. Sometimes only a touch or hug is enough to give me a full erection and involuntary kegels (pelvic floor muscle contractions.) I wonder if this might be a barrier. Can I convey "heart love" when my body is screaming "passion love" from the very start?

Also, now that I think of it my girlfriend once told me that sometimes she doesn't really feel much from breast play. Perhaps it's in the method. I'm definitely going to read those threads to learn more about the role of breasts.

Me and my girlfriend began the exchanges last week, but yesterday I was very horny and we had a little sex. It was just a few minutes but I got pretty aroused and kinda close to climax, but I didn't come. Afterwards though I felt kinda depressed and disappointed. Almost as if I DID come. It was a similar feeling to back when I first was trying to quit masturbating and I gave in. Is this normal and can it be attributed to the fact that it hadn't been 2 weeks? Should I start the count over and start at day 1? Really would like to get it right.

April 20

Is it possible to successfully begin karezza intercourse before 2 week abstinence? I ask because me and my girlfriend began the Exchanges and abstained for almost 2 weeks but then gave in and had sex with orgasms. We picked ourselves up and started over again but yesterday she was very aroused and we had sex. This was only 3 days after orgasms.

I was very relaxed and tried the techniques and was successful in maintaining a mid level of arousal and no orgasm. I saw it as a successful karezza session and I felt great afterwards and very loving towards her. I had no, and still don't have any, cravings for orgasm even this morning when she straddled me like usual when we woke up. Usually, I find this very arousing and I would grind on her a bit and feel her up. but this morning I just hugged her tight and rubbed her back and neck. so could I be in the clear?

May 14

Me and my partner can't seem to get thru the reboot phase. Last week we were on vacation and I drank a bit, and that's all it took to fall back in mating mode. Since then I can't seem to go more than 2 days without asking her for sex. Plus she has a habit of humping my leg which always gets me aroused.

We have been trying this for like 6 weeks. Our first try we went almost 2 weeks and it felt good but we gave in.

She's not as excited about karezza as I am but I know it can help our relationship. I always feel distant from her after sex, and I don't think the connection was ever all that strong sexually speaking as well.

I think I messed up by letting her get on top. She wants to get rough which makes it hard not to come. One issue we have is she gets bored and wants to stop but I like to stay connected. Plus her vagina gets itchy when we stay still.

I feel my girlfriend is a little resistant to the Ecstatic Exchanges from Cupid. I get the vibe that she finds them unromantic because they're not spontaneous. That is one reason why I'm not sure she will be thrilled about making love on a schedule either.

She really doesn't like being told what to do, so when I showed her the solo practices and invited her to try them with me, I was met with a sort of half hearted attempt, which I'm pretty sure she didn't benefit from and most likely won't do by herself.

I'm having a really hard time getting her to grasp the concept and sparking enthusiasm. I explained yesterday that the difference between orgasm seeking and karezza was that one is selfish and the other is selfless. Is this accurate or too extreme? I wasn't implying she was selfish. She said she understood, but this was thru text msg so I couldn't see her reaction. I'm not going to give up though even if she continues to come and I don't.

May 16

We actually had a conversation in the car where she actually opened up a little and voiced some concerns which is definitely a huge step forward.

May 22

Should one restart the 2 week reboot if one has a wet dream? I'm practicing with a partner and we are one week into the Exchanges. We're finally on board again really nurturing each other with the bonding behaviors, but last nite I had a wet dream. I don't feel low or anything like I usually do after sex with orgasm.

We have had to restart so many times because of sex (usually my fault) I think she will get frustrated if we start over again. I realize this is probably a common question that is asked but I don't have time today to search the site.

June 9

Finally having successful karezza sessions with my girlfriend. It is so effortless! There is no more craving! - at least on my part. She still has orgasms sometimes.

I realized I had to stop pushing and let her explore her own sexuality. I think in time she will follow my example and find the peace that this method instills. Meanwhile I have just been showering her with lots of bonding affection, and I allow her to initiate sex, (something I have never been able to do because I always initiated sex because I always wanted it before she did).

Not only that, but I have this method to thank, indirectly, for leading me to a new way life free of ego, free of suffering and illusion, and free to fully embrace the present moment. Thank you to everyone on this site who helped me along this journey.


There is an unspoken understanding between us about the change in our love-making. I know she feels the objectifying/lustdriven side of me has disappeared and that what is left is a side of me that savors her completely whether making love or not. Incidentally I have had a very spiritual experience where I now recognize the illusion all around us, the illusion we create with our minds and in turn the underlying reality beyond the mind. Karezza has been an important aspect of this experience. With this recognition comes a deep peace and stillness of being. Life is a miralce.

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