This is a story of my going from porn and masturbation and occasional ED to no porn, no masturbation, no ejaculations, no ED and wonderful sex and an even better life than before (and it was good before.)
When I started on this journey I was masturbating to porn maybe 3 to 6 times a week. I had been using porn since I was maybe 13 or so. Thankfully I never got into video porn. But even at age 13, one of the first erotic novels I read was one that had a lot of spanking and discipline stuff and this appealed to me hugely.
I thought I'd have intercourse at an early age but I didn't. In fact I didn't have sex until I was in my early 20s, and that was after a number of failed attempts with a few girlfriends. I just could not maintain an erection.
I knew I was heterosexual and this upset me no end. And being upset made it worse, of course.
Then I met this older woman who I was immensely attracted to and she was patient with me and we had sex. She and I are still together many years later.
I did not realize that my troubles with performance anxiety were linked to porn and masturbation.
Periodically in our marriage, I was having difficulty having or maintaining an erection and performance anxiety for three or four days until things calmed down and I got to trust my penis again.
Sex was twice a week and got to be a bit of a piston fest with my ability to come inside my partner sometimes on sometimes off, needing to masturbate to reach orgasm quite often afterwards, and the use of a lot of fantasy talk to be turned on.
I was doing better than most guys I know my age who have crappy marriages or very little or no sex. I'm in my early 50s.
I decided to begin Karezza and I told my wife that I wasn't going to orgasm anymore. I told her that I had masturbated a lot and that I wouldn't be doing that anymore.
I have a pretty strong sex drive and was always pushing for more, more more. More this, more that, more frequency. She hated the idea that somehow I'd expect her to "put out" all the time, now that I wouldn't be taking care of my own desires with my hand.
I became clingy and needy virtually overnight. So she had reason to panic. How would she take care of my needs when I was perpetually horny and needy?
We began twice-daily bonding behaviors, first at my insistence then upon mutual desire. Now she and I love it, and we went from my being needy and having anxieties to where we are today, very much in sync as a couple and having intercourse maybe 60% of the days and bonding all the time we can, every day.
I have not masturbated once or had an orgasm once since that time. About six months.
But what is interesting, I think, is that I have erections so easily now, all the time. And they can stay as long as I want them for. My erections now come at the drop of a hat. It feels very natural.
I try to avoid fantasy but I can see a beautiful woman or someone who is young and sexy and appeals to me, and start to get hard.
When I'm with my wife, I get hard just looking at her sometimes. And when she touches me. ..
It's really quite amazing how my erections have become so spontaneous. It's sort of like when I was an adolescent but it's a lot more fun than that was.
I feel like I am always ready for sex now, but not horny. There is a difference. I feel this amazing well of love for my wife. And I do look at other women, and my mind does wander to what it would be like...but in general I avoid fantasy. I never sit and think about another woman or any sexual scenarios. I might for a moment or two imagine being with my wife, but it will be more like Karezza fantasy than sexual.
I have no interest in spanking or anything that excited me before. I'm sure that somewhere that proclivity is there. But it is no longer encouraged and just isn't something I think about much anymore.
But I am very careful about avoiding triggers. If there is something that I might read that seems too exciting I skip over it. If something is on television that seems too exciting I look away.
I used to masturbate much more when I was away traveling but resisting that hasn't been difficult.
I attribute the ease of my change in lifestyle to lots of bonding behaviors, an extraordinary partner, and how wonderful Karezza is compared to sex with a 15 second orgasm and fallout over days or several weeks.
Even when my wife has an orgasm, I don't have one. I just feel more and more like that isn't me anymore. The reason is that the feelings and deep pleasure I get from Karezza is so amazing that it makes an ejaculation seem like nothing I really want.
The pleasure that I get from Karezza is too difficult to describe. And not just intercourse, but also just the touching is immensely pleasurable and gets more so all the time. Karezza makes sex more continuous with other parts of life rather than a time-out from the rest of life. It is a simple transition from just being together, to a bit of snuggling and kissing, to Karezza...especially because it is more gentle, doesn't involve ejaculate that has to be dealt with somehow, doesn't make you or your partner sore, and is just so rewarding.
I never ever in my wildest dreams would have thought that I would be thrilled with not ejaculating, not having an orgasm. But the truth is, this is so much more pleasurable and it's very easy to continue because I want it to never end.
My wife would have periodic yeast infections. That no longer happens. Yesterday she was "a bit sore" in her vagina but after we had intercourse she felt fine. The penis helped her feel better. No infections at all since we started this.
And it isn't just in the bedroom that this immense difference is felt.
I have to tell you that now that I haven't ejaculated in about 6 months, I feel a great well of personal magnetism and power. I feel like I could if I wanted to have many women that I meet. I could easily perform. It doesn't matter what position or anything. I don't have anxiety about intercourse at all any more. This is for the first time in my life.
I have this feeling of confidence that is unstoppable and I think creates a magnetic personality. I think people can tell, weird as that sounds. I look both men and women in the eye when I'm talking and don't feel uncomfortable.
And I've found that I get more done, focus better, concentrate better, have more prosperity and much less neediness and want. In fact I don't have any want in my life. And it just keeps getting better. Savoring your woman completely is what this is about. My partner still asks me, as she did last night or maybe this morning, "Won't these good feelings end?" I assure her they won't. Brain chemistry. The love I feel for her and everything else is mind boggling and it's all due to a lot of bonding and not having orgasms? Nobody would believe it. This is what makes non-orgasmic Karezza so amazing...there is no pleasure that holds a candle to this.
(added at 9 months) I have still not masturbated or looked at porn all this time, nor do I care to. If something seems a potential trigger, I look away or skip over it. I have no desire in that direction. And no desire to have an orgasm either.
Sometimes when I reflect on it, I'm mystified at how easy it has been to stop cold and really never look back. I think it's all the very strong and constant bonding my wife and I do together. I mentor a few younger guys and I have found that when I get them to do bonding with their SOs, they get incredible results not just in their sexual realm but in their business life too.
Plus, the feelings I have are so incredible that I never want to give them up. They have not worn out or fallen off. Sometimes I still want to just stare at my wife in joy and awe. It is still ecstasy to be inside her. I don't want that to ever end.