A short story what happened. Day 0.

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Submitted by Ksaver on
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After almost 2 months I am back. I thought that I will be just perfectly fine. And I was, for a while. But I have new experience.

At start of this year I have met a girl and we started to date. I was attracted to her and she was also. And we had sex (it is my first time ever). Everything was quite different then I have expected. Even though we used protection I was enormously that she would get pregnant (the fear is still here because only a three weeks passed). I have imagined that sex is some kind of miracle that would heal all my wounds and sadness but it seems that it is not the sex that I seek it is the love that I try to chase.

After (and few days before) we had sex I have MO to see if everything is working. Later on because I didn't get what I want I started again to PMO. And now I am here now... Because it seems that this place has same magic and help to overcome greatest desires and to become, as I say, clean and free.

But to say, I don't know exactly if it is the PMO or something else (don't know what more can it be) but I was just enormously growing and I was on the wave.

Not I am rolling back down. And I know why. As strange as it sounds, but I have felt the feeling of integrity, of love being here. Someone cared about me, I cared about them and I do. And when I came back to the real life, there was something like: Live for your self. But living just for yourself is so depressing and so not motivating... Because of that I start to sink into desires and in dulling my mind and soul.

So I am back here. And this is DAY 0.

Comments

congratulations

it's nice to be truly an adult and in touch with yourself as a sexual being made from love.

Don't test yourself any more, bro. Don't test. It is meaningless anyway, and just a way for part of the brain to get its fix.

I agree, don't test yourself!

I agree, don't test yourself! I've gone through alot of testing myself and it's got me nowhere fast! 1. Your not in the right mindset 2. You explore all the previous fantasies/experiences In order to strengthen/sustain your erection. I used to test myself every month or so and every time I was back to square one, I could never focus on one thing and end up having a YO YO erection until orgasm. This sets you back mentally.

Hey Ksaver

Keep your head up. Love is elusive but not impossible to obtain. I think it is fantastic that you went as long as you did without pmo and managed to interact with a woman.

Best of luck man.

I'm confused

What happened to her? Was your test just a regular old chaser do you think? Do You Need A Chaser After Sex? Or were you worried about something?

Welcome back! And congratulations on your progress. Most all adults have a challenge sorting out the sex-love issue. Some never do. It's often a messy process, so don't be discouraged. indecision

*big hug*

Some bizarre things have happened

Before sex I decided to "practice" because I knew that I am very sensitive and maybe by doing M, I thought, I could last longer in sex. So I M.

All the foreplay was amazing and I was free and with great courage. Then I had sex and it was very short. I was very tensed when the intercourse begin and feared of the rubber to slip of. After O (which I didn't felt because the tension) it became soft. And then I couldn't get hard. The other thing is that all that was in the car... When we drove back the police car (by accident) was standing 100 meters from us but didn't see us because of the building. I hit a tree but everything is good. So my first time is like a joke to me - funny to remember how I've screwed up.

After all these things I was very scared her getting pregnant. I've understood that we wouldn't be able to raise it. After all that we talked in this theme and she said that there is a lot of ways to do this (she mentioned oral sex). But I have noticed that while we are in passion - everything is quite good, but latter on I don't feel so good. The emptiness remains. To me the seek for orgasm (that is traditional sex) is like eating a lot of candies. While you eat - it is great, but when you are full and stop eating, not too long after, it makes you sick, you want to puke and etc.

So in conclusion while "fucking" and getting "orgasms" it is great. But later on - it is the same shit... So while having sex I felt like M. Only there was flesh in which my ... was. Although I respect the girl with which I was, but I think that the feelings were way to small to make the souls blend, so we just had the "ACT" and got the "Orgasm".

And with the M part, after that the switch of "Desire" was on. When I see a teaser - women with great figure or legs then the trigger is on and I need to "do something", so I M. Then I started again to watch P. And that what happened.

So I have decided now just to live and wait till the great feeling of caring will flourish in my heart for a girl whom has the same as I. And then to have souls bonding sex. Now I will communicate with all girls and be aware of my heart when it starts to sing.

And also, before all that, I should repair my body and mind - to be happy as I am because the pursuit of happiness through other people will give pain to both.

Ha ha!

You're right that those memories will make you smile for years.

Next time...no masturbation before sex. If you ejaculate quickly, don't worry. Bring two condoms. It'll go better the second time. wink You may also want to explore karezza. It's kind of nice not to have the "letdown" after sex. http://www.reuniting.info/karezza_korner_intro

Good for you reaching out to connect with her...whatever happened.

Sounds like the chaser really hit you, and that's what made porn irresistible.