Day 0 - When shortened, it's pronounced "D'oh!"

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Yet another relapse. I'm very frustrated because a short time ago, I thought I was making real progress. I went 44 days with no PMO recently, but my last two attempts were only 11 and 13 days respectively. No! I'm not supposed to be going backwards!

What makes it so frustrating is that I feel I literally can do nothing more about it than I already am, which isn't enough. It's not that I don't know the solution--I know it very well; for me, the solution is absolutely to build meaningful relationships with other people. I have noticed a direct correlation between my frequency of relapses vs. amount of loneliness. But I can't magically make a deep fulfilling relationship appear. I do what I can to draw others towards me, but there's no accounting for whether they choose to reciprocate. And when they don't reciprocate, what more can I possibly do?

A few months ago, I became friends with Scholar Girl. I wasn't interested in dating her, but we had some important things in common and she proved to be a valued friend. I even told her about PMO, and she was supportive. She trusted me with many personal secrets of hers as well, and I was similarly supportive. We had this special kind of trust happening. As a result of just this one friendship, I made it 44 days free of PMO, a lifetime record. Unfortunately, Scholar Girl has vanished. For reasons beyond my understanding, she is not communicating with me anymore. I'm not going to push it because frankly I'm not interested in chasing one-way friendships, but it's very sad. Easy come easy go, I guess.

When you can't have meaningful friendships, then what else is there? We all know we can't stop PMO by ourselves. We also know that being mired in PMO makes us pretty unappealing to other people, making it harder to make new friends. I admit I am totally stumped here, I have no idea how to get past this. Thanks for reading.

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Oh yeah, and also, I applied for a job. Haven't heard anything back, but my mom "offered" to buy me some new interview clothes because--I'm not making this up--"it looks like you've gained weight, your old ones won't fit." Okay, first off, my old ones do fit. Secondly, who would call their own son fat when he's in the middle of prepping for job interviews!? Call me crazy, but I always thought you're supposed to build up a person's strengths while they're out applying for jobs, not remind them of their negatives! I desperately need to move out, of course, but again there is nothing I can do about that until I get a job. Who could reasonably quit PMO under these circumstances? I want to, but it's not working at all!

Gee,

I didn't think she was calling you fat. I think she just wanted to  help you feel and look your best. But what do I know!  Good luck getting that interview!!

*big hug*

Thanks!

Yeah, it's hard to communicate context through the internet. To clarify, when she says things like this, it comes more from her own insecurity/lack of trust than from a genuine desire to help. When I was younger, I often got the "how you act reflects on me as a mother" speech. This article sums up living with this kind of mother: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/family/2009/12/life-with-an-anxious-mother/ (While I'm not on a mission to badmouth my own mom, the truth is that identifying these problems is a necessary part of my recovery.)

Me too

Ugh, a year ago my mother started harassing me to lose weight (something she has done off and on since I was about 12 - and she wonders why I used to have an eating disorder!) and actually told me that prospective employers would think I looked pregnant.

Never mind that my interview dress makes me look thinner - and never mind that I used to be 20 pounds heavier. At least she stopped harping on me when she noticed some of my clothes were hanging on me.

Good luck.

GO ON MAN,CONTINUE...

Just persist,everyone relapses,so what.The important thing is what we learn from relapse.I relapsed because my far away girlfriend likes phone sex.My mistake not hers,I could easily say no,but I wanked my willy on her voice.Yesterday I said NO ,so my psichological clock is same like yours on ,DAY 0.Do not be a shoulder to cry to no one ,now is the time to think on yourself,be selfish,don't fight someone elses battle,when you got your own war to fight.When you get well,that is the time to start helping others,now help yourself.Just remember that this is the only way we can get well,we do not have any other option.When you take your willy out and say to yourself:I don't give a shit...This is the worst case scenario,when you orgasm,later you feel like crap. Why ?Because we are aware of fact that we are doing damage to ourselves,that we are slowing our heeling process.So what now? Chin up,walk proud,comunicate with any woman you please,young and old,a woman on the street in the waitng line,ladies that work in the stores,just normal,polite ,casual talk,even one sentence is fine.Any kind of comunication with woman makes man feel good and self confident.Take some reading,I have just taken Norman Vincent Peale:The power of positive thinking.Man we ll be fine,I too get worried and sometimes depressed,but there is no alternative, we have to abstain from PMO and we ll be fine,one day we ll laugh to our stupidity.

BTW. My mom who has died 7

BTW. My mom who has died 7 years ago was the same type of mom.It is up to you to not allow her too much influence on your life,slowly take control,you do not need approwal for anything you do from her.I did it that way,and it was hard but one day I guess my mum realized that her little boy is boy no more,but do not forget she is your mum and she gave you life,so love her and respect and live your life,she ll understend one day,because she is mum.