No major improvements, but I opened a business

kurisu's picture
Submitted by kurisu on
Printer-friendly version

Hi all,

As the title says, there isn't much to report on in terms of PMO recovery. Ever since I found out about and began treating the abuse from my childhood, the frequency of my relapses has dropped dramatically, to about 50% of what it was before. I first noticed this a couple of months ago. Currently, the situation remains the same--half the relapses, but no further improvement. My first reaction to this is that I'm just so happy and thankful that I was able to cut back that much all on my own!

My second reaction is that I wonder why things haven't improved any further since then. I am unhappy with a lot of things in my life, including my bad eating habits, lack of access to companionship/cuddle buddies, lack of any income, lack of privacy (living with the parents), and lack of ability to exercise the way I need (can't afford a gym, outgrew my own weight set). I very much would love to address all of these things, but when you grow up abused, none of these come easily. Besides, they all require an income, so that is really the main priority now.

That being said, it isn't quite right to say that I've made NO progress in the last few months. Last week, I opened my new business to the public, which is something I NEVER imagined I would ever be capable of doing. But, I did it, and even if I only get a handful of customers, I will consider that a success.

Finally, I made the very difficult decision to say goodbye to a good friend lately. It isn't what I wanted to do, but it was clear to me that it would be best for both of us if we stayed out of each others' lives for the time being. I have to admit that this has been extremely difficult for me, probably more than it should be, and it's probably been holding back my recovery progress somewhat. This was a person whom I was starting to think of as family, and I just hope she found my presence even a little bit as valuable as I found hers. I'll be back to blog more when something else changes. As always, thanks for reading.

Comments

Thank you Marnia. In fact the

Thank you Marnia. In fact the biggest challenge I've encountered is this act of creating space for new connections. Marketing a business of course requires that you create a comfortable space for your potential customers, make them feel welcome, etc. while also informing them of your product without being intrusive and shoving it down their throats. Observing people's reactions to my efforts is teaching me a lot about how to interact with people in a normal way - something I never learned growing up.