By now, it's no secret that I deal with a lot of repressed anger and emotion that comes out in unintended ways. My struggle now is to become well enough to at least function in society, so that I can get a job and afford the additional healing that I need.
Something happened to me recently that I can't wrap my head around. I got contacted out of the blue by a woman I'd never met--the wife of a former classmate--who said she sensed the sadness and negative tone in my recent facebook posts and blatantly offered me her friendship if I needed it. I explained to her that while I don't try to sound so negative, my current state of mind doesn't give me very much control over my emotions right now. This should have been a dream come true for someone like me who finds it hard to make friends, but it seems like something isn't quite right. I met up with her at a coffee shop where we got to know each other a little. She not only paid for my sandwich but she brought me flowers too. How often does a man get flowers?? I've never received flowers from anyone before. I was absolutely out of my comfort zone that night. Later we met up with her husband and went out to eat, where we paid for ourselves. I've hung out with the two of them a 2nd time since then, but I don't feel any personal connection with them and I don't think we can become great friends.
However, now she is telling me she wants to buy me something else, and she asked for my shirt size. This is starting to toss up red flags for me. On the one hand, I would love to take her up on her spontaneous generosity and compassion, because I really could use that right now. On the other hand...this kind of thing simply does not happen to me. People don't approach me out of the blue (unless they're selling something), and they certainly don't just start spending money on me with no warranted behavior on my part. I have no job, I can't pay her back or offer her anything of equal value in return. My emotions are out of control too, so I doubt I could offer her meaningful emotional support either. My instincts wonder what she may be hiding.
Another thing to consider is that I have had several other friendships begin in an eerily similar way. It's always a woman, slightly older than me, contacting me out of the blue, and offering her friendship to me for no apparent reason, getting too close too quickly.
All of the previous ones have ended badly.
Is this really nothing to worry about? Is this just my lizard-brain overreacting with paranoia? Or, is there a real cause for concern here? Do I give off a vibe that attracts a certain type of predatory woman? I have no idea. I'm maintaining contact but keeping her at arm's length for now. Yes, an affair is the first thing I thought of too, which is why I told her I wouldn't meet her unless her husband was okay with it. He was okay with it. But I'm not sure that I am, and I can't fully identify why.
I don't expect answers, this is just a blog entry for my own benefit. But if you do have insights, I would appreciate them!