Can a man enjoy Karezza even if we didn't take the steps to get "ready for it"?

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Submitted by lady123 on
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The background story follows, but here's some of what I'm looking for
To those who have experience: (especially men)
Did you feel resentful when ending sex with no orgasm? Did the woman you were with do anything that helped you feel more inclined to do it? To those of you who used to have a lot of orgasmic sex before Karezza - did you find it especially difficult to come to enjoy or would you recommend anything or warn against anything? And how often did you start having Karezza sex and how long did the average session last? If you enjoy it now, how did you get into it?

Let me begin by admitting that I have always had a difficult time with sex. The skin down there is sensitive to a bad point, to where it feels like i have a friction burn after most times I have sex. I'd recently been feeling unappreciated because I felt my strengths were overlooked because I didn't offer enough sexually to my boyfriend, and he presented the idea of Karezza to me. We're both in our 20's and there's a stigma that females at my age should be wanting sex all the time... and that's just not my case, even though he's incredible and not selfish at all in bed.
We decided to try Karezza, but he didn't want to do it fully. First, he figured we could have Karezza some nights and traditional sex on others, so we could get a release. Eventually he agreed to the "Karezza only for 2 weeks" experiment, but he turned down the recommended 2 weeks of sexual inactivity accompanied by affection and penis massages and other ways to break that biological impulse.
I've loved it, and it always feels good while we're doing it, but ending it is awful. Because there isn't that release, he never feels satisfied and eventually when I feel it's time to go to stop or go to sleep (whether it's midnight or 2am) he's always frustrated and I can't help but feel terrible, which almost makes me want to do it less. I've read that some people do it very often, but did you begin like that? It seems like that would leave him perpetually frustrated.
I've read that many couples who do Karezza will fall asleep like that, but he's not ok with it. It's not relaxing for him and I think it's because we didn't take the suggested two weeks to try to break those evolutionary impulses. BUT I wonder how other men got into it, how they felt during those two weeks, IF you took 2 or 3 weeks off before beginning Karezza and if you think it helps to take every other night off. I would love for him to be able to really enjoy it, but after doing it for a while he just doesn't like it.

Please, any input, tips, thoughts, or personal feelings on this are greatly appreciated. Men, please help me try to understand what to expect or what to do to help my guy be able to connect with me on this.

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I haven't experienced karezza

I haven't experienced karezza but here's what I can tell you from solo cultivation experiences.

If you circulate the energy properly you get a "valley" orgasm

If you don't circulate it properly or stimulate too much you end fighting the urge to finish. I would suggest at the end of a session having something like a meditation where your genitals are still in contact and you remain still but focus on circulating energy through your microcosmic orbits. Sometimes when I get too heated, I relax and do this for a while, takes discipline bc nothing appears to be happening and I am heated. Next thing I know, valley orgasm.

The weakest valley orgasm trumps the most intense regular orgasm. Somehow the indescribable vibrating waves of pleasure moving through your body are less intense feeling and yet So. Much. Better!

In fairness, you said he brought up the idea so see if you can get him to follow through and not half ass. He may have to do exercises on his own with just focusing on moving energy through the microcosmic orbit with no stimulation. Actually this may help you as well.

Thank you so much! Maybe I

Thank you so much! Maybe I have the wrong idea of what circulating the energy consists of, but it always seems like once the energy starts flowing, that's when we've gone too far. I'm not familiar with a valley orgasm, but that sounds pretty wonderful. Obviously I'm new to this, but what kind of exercises can you do to focus on moving energy through microcosmic orbits? I'm open to trying these, but how would you suggest presenting the idea to him? Thanks again for the input :)

My information comes from

My information comes from Mantak Chia books. Obviously it would be much better to read one of the books, but there are websites and such also(google it), and what he wants to know is at least the "testicle breathing" exercise and the microcosmic orbit and basically you've gotta read about it. I don't want to take all the time and pages to explain and wiser men have already done so

it takes time to adjust

for me there was never frustration or a feeling of wanting to finish. I learned early on how to focus on relaxing my pelvic floor and not get too edgy. Edgy = very close to the point of no return and that brings a lot of problems early on. So I would suggest he relax and try not to get too stimulated and it will go better.

He brought it up, but now he doesn't really like the idea all that much, it sounds like. He may be afraid this will be an excuse for less sex and for more frustration, given that you are lower drive than he is and have these sensitivities.

I do think all of this will fix itself in time if nobody insists on this or that outcome. Here's the thing that is hard to "get" but you can practice Karezza and he doesn't have to. He can finish with an ejaculation/orgasm if he wants to and it has nothing to do with you, really. Weird thought but true. And I have found that when I try to use influence on my partner, it can backfire, so now my ideas are more to see what my partner wants, help her with that, and do my own thing so to speak. It's a work in progress, always.

I will say that as a man this is the greatest thing that I've ever "discovered" in my life and that it's been a huge thrill and magical and I would never go back to conventional sex. I'm in my 50s if that makes a difference.

thank you

One of the great things about this is that because it's so much gentler, I'm able to have it for longer and more often, and I've explained this to him and clarified that there will be more sex if we do it this way. (so I don't think he's worried about less sex, he just hasn't been satisfied by it even though he enjoys it while it's going on. He says it feels like perfect foreplay, but it's missing something)
I've become more open to the idea of it being a one-sided experience without the orgasm, but he recently explained that part of his enjoyment came from giving me an orgasm, and without that it's not so great.
Like I said, he's not selfish and few women would complain and I don't feel I have the right to, I just don't know how to work it only from my side without breeding resentment on his. When you first began practicing this kind of love making, did you find yourself running into any difficulties, even if not frustration? Did you have to do anything to prepare yourself for that kind of experience?

I still run into difficulties, lol

My partner and I aren't yet really in sync and it's been over a year. I think it is WAY easier for a man to get into this though than a woman. So you two should have a relatively easy time. And yes, you will find that your sensitivities probably go away. My wife used to get UTIs and they are all gone now, for instance.

Yeah, us guys love to have our women come. Women love to draw the semen out of a man. It's how we're each built.

I just resolved to do this for awhile, and that was it. My mistake was trying to influence my partner. I have learned now that this is not a good idea, and that it is better for us to walk our own path. I have always had sex where my partner often did not have an orgasm, and it never really disturbed me all that much. I just set my mind to this and did it. And it has been much better than I could have dreamed.

But it does expose a lot of psychological stuff over time and there is a Great Unraveling so to speak, and it takes months or years to unravel, but it's so worth it and SO pleasurable.

I'm not a man,

but I honestly don't think his insistence on "giving" you an orgasm is unselfish. Wink

Can you gently tell him that unselfishness is doing what you prefer? Just as you are unselfishly trying to find a way to meet his needs too?

It sounds like you two are getting too close to the edge of orgasm during your lovemaking. You might also try periods of stillness (almost a mutual meditation) during it, so that he gets used to ramping down. Then, when you get to the final one, it won't seem like a sudden stop.

Have you read any of the books about karezza?

Orgasm can be used

as an anesthetic. For me there was a lot of pain around my heart when I stopped. It can make you deal with all the emotions that you would rather not deal with. I don't know if this is the case; just a thought because he made the initial suggestion but then seemed to back out.

Genital massage can help put him to sleep. I found most of the tension was actually stored in the testicles. I'd suggest staying away from the penis except for squeezing and releasing with two fingers and a thumb from the base to the tip in order to release tension. Every guy is different but anything more than that I find is too arousing.