Amazing Week and an Ejaculation Question

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So this last week something has clicked in my husband's head. And his penis. Wink It seems he's really begun to fully understand what is meant by "male authority" and "releasing Shakti" and other very tantra-centric ideas. We've been studying Barry Long and Diana Richardson together for a few months (I read more than he does and we talk together about it) and he's had what I can only describe as some kind of epiphany. It's amazing and full of sustained, satisfying pleasure. I haven't even wanted a traditional orgasm (that is until last night when I let my temperature get too high) and I can see where I will feel the need for them less and less as time goes on. The first time this new love style appeared for us, something amazing happened within me (and continues to happen). I've never felt more beautiful, more feminine, more in touch with love. Those feelings are far more satisfying than any peak orgasm.

And his orgasms have been all together different. He says that he's suddenly realized he could draw them out - make them last more than double their usual time. He is also barely ejaculating. He used to expel a lot and lately (since he's found the key to his new orgasm style) he only loses a little. I know because I can smell and feel it a bit the next day, but it's nothing like the fountain of fluid it used to be. My question: Have other men experienced something like this when exploring tantra and similar ways of making love? Could he be retaining his energy now? He seems in a better mood, has more energy, etc. Any thoughts from men or women out there on this topic?

The whole thing is very fascinating and I am looking forward to further experimentation. There seems to be an entire world of sexual expression that most people never even touch on in their lives. I'm grateful to get the opportunity and will keep everyone posted. Now if I could just get to the part of tackling emotions better, channeling that into love, and letting love heal it all. That will be a whole other level of experience and satisfaction. :D

All the best to everyone for a wonderful rest of your week and a loving weekend. ♥

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Semen quanity

I have noticed that as I progress in my intention to conserve my masculine energy, my body seems to be reducing the amount of semen that it produces. In January of this year I managed to go 15 days without ejaculating. That required a real effort of will. I was fighting against an incredible internal pressure to ejaculate. When I finally broke down and released it was a huge amount of fluid and I suffered a massive energetic hang over. So much of it came out so fast that it actually hurt (over expanded my urethra).

Now I can easily go 15-30 days without any real discomfort. When I do ejaculate there is much less fluid then there used to be.

Another thing worth noting: In January when I finally released after 15 days the fluid looked yellow and unhealthy. It had the energy of stagnant water about it. Just last week I ejaculated after 15 days and it was white and very healthy looking. There was no sense of stagnant energy about it at all, and no energetic hang over.

I think that between January and now my body has evolved in two ways:
- It is investing less of its sexual energy into semen
- It is has become much better at recycling the semen that is not expelled so as to keep the supply freash and vibrant

Evolution is a wonderful thing.

So cool!

That's neat what you and your husband are experiencing together. the stories of what couples are experiencing as they embark on slow sex and karezza are so moving and amazing.

Ejaculation~

We've noticed there is a copious amount of pre-ejaculate that flows from my lover while we are engaged (for hours sometimes) and because he is expending so much of it during lovemaking it leaves less to act as a "carrier" for the sperm if he does ejaculate (so the total amount seems substantially reduced).

Between the liquid flowing from me and the liquid flowing from him it's quite a swampy mess in the end, lol (and we love it).

So glad to hear you are both finding your way.

But Pre-ejaculate and Semen

are two different substances, produced by different glands, right? So an abundance of one wouldn't necessarily mean a reduction of the other.

Pre-ejaculate (pre-cum, Cowper's fluid), is produced by the Cowper's Glands, and ejaculate is a blend of fluids from the seminal vesicles and prostate, mixed with spermatozoa from the testicles. I'm no scientist, so someone please correct me.

Speaking of pre-ejaculate, sometimes it seems all I have to do is sit next to my wife and put my hand on her thigh, and I'll get wet. I hope that ol' Cowper's gland will calm down one of these days! Smile

No scientist required

you are correct, different sources. Hell, thanks to prostate cancer, everything fluid-producing got cut out of me EXCEPT the Cowper's, and you're not the only one that still gets wet - my wife does the same thing to me - in our house,she's not the only one that the other can make slide out of the seat. But as Rachel said - it's a beautiful swampy mess between the two of us.

Lazarus

What changes have you noticed as a result of the prostate removal? Can you still have orgasms? Does it feel different?

Yes, there are still orgasms,

Yes, there are still orgasms, no conventional ejaculation - Cowper's fluid can sometimes simulate a conventional ejaculation with orgasm, but sometimes it's just a spontaneous thing unrelated to orgasm. Yes, it's substantially different, with or without erection.

On the Emotions

I have found this wonderful book called "The Power of Now." Written by Eckhart Tolley. He has been a wonderful help in my life. I used to be out of control, mean, hateful, and plain rude. I got with my husband and noticed that he was just the opposite. He hates confrontation in all cases and lets things go easily. I have now realized by reading this book and putting it to play I have been a much calmer, nicer person in all aspects of my daily life and after sex. He used to tell me all the time I'm not giving it to you anymore because you are just rude and full of emotional baggage after sex. I guess the Dopamine spike also had a lot to do with it. I truly believe that (since you read) this book could be a wonderful break through on all emotional levels. My husband constantly tells me how much more of a pleasure I am to live with and I feel the same way because I'm not letting my minds thoughts get me all worked up over the simplest stuff. Please let me know if you get the chance to read the book it has been wonderful for me. He also has another book out called "A New Earth." I would suggest the power of now first it really lays out the simple details in how your mind works and how you can release it of all negative emotions.

Have you read

this article Megan? Women: Does Orgasm Give You a Hangover? I'd be interested in your thoughts.

I think works like Tolle's are brilliant, but I also think biology is at work in the disharmony in our relationships. That's why, the moment we're not 100% conscious...we can still act like a witch. Wink Harmony is a lot easier when you're not affected by a neurochemical hangover after climax.

No I sure Haven't

I will look into that. I agree with the disharmony in the neurochemical hangover that's why (for me) I have chosen to not climax because I notice how much of a witch I am when I do climax.

Read it! :D

Hi Megan! My husband and I both read The Power of Now a few months ago. We liked it but also saw so many parallels between Tolle's teachings and Buddhism (which best defines our spiritual practice). Also, much of Tolle's work was inspired by Barry Long. Check him out on Youtube and the web. His Making Love book is just wonderful. Love his no BS style.

Thanks to everyone for the input. I really feel some powerful and positive changes lately. I'm thrilled and excited to continue the journey and explore more.

Oh, and we had a bit of a "quickie" this afternoon that seemed to produce more semen. Interesting and I'm still pondering what that means. Maybe it has something to do with the level of excitement maintained throughout each experience - and how he remains a bit cooler more often in longer sessions. Hmm...

i think

the body down regulates production of semen when it doesn't need it.

I haven't ejaculated in nine months. I produce a ton of pre-cum though. I'm in my fifties but I was ejaculating almost every day at least once. Haven't noticed any issues. The key as I always tell people, is a lot of snuggling and cuddling and holding hands and kissing. That is really the key to being happy (along with a lot of sex LOL.)

Congratulations LB. I am so thrilled for you two. Just so thrilled. This is the most delightful best journey any of us can take in life, I think. After all we are designed for sex and it infuses our lives with meaning. So why shouldn't it be so vital and wonderful as it can be? 

Not sure if your husband is ejaculating at all, or not, or sometimes but not other times...even if he can orgasm and retain his semen that should be better than ejecting it. And it seems better still not to ejaculate at all, at least for me.

I find that I build up the most amazing feelings of devotion and love and interest in my wife. And they do not go away, but continue. Some days more than other days, but on the whole magnitudes more than I ever felt before. And I think in her way, she feels more love for me (she has an orgasm maybe every 3 or 4 weeks at this point.)

Thanks so much...

And I agree completely. Life, love, sex... all of it has so much meaning if we're willing and able to be a part of it. I'm planning on being in love forever and I'm touched and so grateful to have found this place and all of its resources. They've really helped us. ♥

He Dribbles and Then He Shoots

Long make out sessions do lead to a lot of pre-cum flow and “swampy messes”. There is an old basketball saying, “He dribbles and then he shoots.” A guy keeps dribbling until you remove the stimulus or he shoots. Think back to the time when you just made out and weren’t going to finish the guy off.

My girlfriend and I hadn’t been dating too long in high school when I took her to a movie. She readily agreed to a real stinker of a movie. We parked in a parking structure for the theater complex and she pulled her bra out her sleeve—something that still amazes me when girls do that—smiled and said “easier access”. I think I pitched a tent right then and there. We went in and sat at the back of the theater with the other high school couples waiting to make out.

The movie started and so did all of the making out. We had an “above the belt only” rule in place then. If I ventured a hand below, it was pushed away. The good thing was that I got free access to a really nice set of breasts and for a high school guy who was still just a little unsure of what to do next that was pretty awesome.

I wore fairly thin cotton pants because the weather was kind of warm. When the movie was over my girlfriend was buttoning her blouse up and looked down at my pants. There was a pretty obvious wet spot on my pants where my boxers had bunch up and I soaked through to the pants. She smiled and put her sweater over the wet spot and said, “Here carry my sweater out for me.” I walked a little goofy with her sweater in my hand over the wet spot but we got to the car. She immediately suggested that we “go parking.”

At the local high school make out spot, which was next to the nearby country club, we resumed making out and got even hotter. After awhile my girlfriend told me to lean back, she grabbed the top of my pants and yanked my zipper down. One zip and she repealed the “above the belt only” rule. She finally got me out and watched as I flowed pre-cum. She was amazed at the consistency of it and asked how much comes out and I told I didn’t know that was the longest I had ever made out with anyone—actually she was the only girl I had ever made out with then. That night I got my first hand job, something I will always remember. I think I can say I owe it to making a big wet spot on my pants.

With Karrezza style sex we probably see more pre-cum than if we were having more orgasm centered sex. My girlfriend says she thinks I am a dribbler away, especially the longer we do stuff without orgasm. It actually makes pretty good lube, I think the biological reason it exists. So Emerson and UM Rev and Rachel’s guy, we can consider ourselves lucky we have a good flow going.

Maso,

You're a brilliant writer...and have great taste in women. I know those aren't your only gifts, but I just had to say that.

Yes, it's great lube!

Secomd that motion

I love The Way of the Superior Man. However, I do not think it is necessary to go sit in a cabin the woods for days in order to find your purpose. That particular piece of advice is old school Zen and a little over the top IMO. The rest is really good!

I Read the Samples of That Book

And found it a bit off track. The table of contents alone left a bad taste in my mouth. "You will often want more than one woman", "Young women offer you a special energy", "What she wants is not what she says", "Don't force the feminine to make decisions" are just some of the chapters under the main heading "Dealing With Women". And in those chapters he compares women and feminine energy to spicy or bland food. Is anyone else uncomfortable with comparing love and intimacy with our dinner choices?

I didn't see much of a push towards commitment and love in those samples at all. Only more "boys will be boys" who want to sleep with all women fodder and a lot of assumptions about what women want and need (as if we aren't capable of making those decisions ourselves). In my opinion, this is not moving away from the androcratic way of looking at sex and relationships that is destroying our society, but simply hiding them within a kind of pseudo, mass produced zen.

Men would do better to remember that they are attracted to feminine energy the way that women are attracted to masculine energy. And the only way to truly tap that energy and grow from it is to stick with your committed partner whenever possible - being brave for love. Inherent attraction doesn't mean that wanting all women is something that happens by itself without the infusion of lifelong sexual repression and social conditioning.

A thought

The book is useful for men who have lost touch with their own maculinity. It helps them to regain a sense of masculine presence and purpose. Some men are very confused about what it means to be a man and books like David Deid'a can help with that. If a man does not feel secure in his own masculinity then he will have a hard time opening and sharing it with his lover.

The same goes for women who have lost touch with their inner feminine.

Having said all of that, I know several people who hate the writings of David Deida. He rubs some people the wrong way. That is why it is wonderful that there are so many spiritual teachers out there. We are all free to find the voices that ressonnate with us, and ignore the ones that do not feel right.

I agree that different things may work for different people.

But what I think is more important these days is to identify less with gender and more with being a human being. I don't want "the killer" in man (another chapter heading from the book). I want an equal partner, another human being who wants to be with me as a human being - not just as a vessel for feminine energy.

The conclusions drawn by the author seem to perpetuate gender stereotypes. Example: women don't mean what they say, they get lost in emotion, they can easily get sucked into shopping, idle chatter, etc. And men are competitive, aggressive, say what they mean, etc. This is all societal crap - creations of what gender is supposed to be - not humanity at its core. Any attempt to break free of these gender traps seems to have been lost on the author.

I'm a woman and I say what I mean. I also make decisions without hesitation on a regular basis. I could care less about shopping, getting my nails done, gossip, or any of that stuff. I do like to look nice, but on my own terms and for myself. And no amount of making me feel excited or exuberant if going to make me want to go to the movies if I don't want to go to the movies (yet another book reference).

So I guess I'm one of those folks Deida rubs the wrong way. LOL. Personally (without disregarding others experience) I feel this book could be little more than a stepping stone on a much longer path of self discovery and growth.

Understood

My wife would categorically deny that she is a feminine woman if anyone said it to her. She would start rattling off the traits of feminine women (according to her), all of which would imply weakness in some way, and then state that since she personally does not have these traits, she is not feminine.

In truth, neither of the sexual poles can be described by any set of traits or behaviors. They are both way too complex to sum up in any way.

I cannot describe what the feminine is, but I know what it feels like. I know what my wife's energy becomes when she is truly relaxed and allowing her authentic self to flow. When she is in a naturally open state she radiates feminine energy. She is not at all weak or helpless in those moments.

My wife's feminine energy is very strong and very beautiful. However, she feels that she needs to deny it and push it away simply because society has a view of the feminine that she personally does not like. She does not like being associated with those ideas about what it means to be feminine (according to society).

I had the opposite problem. I struggled very much with trying to live up to society's ideas about what it means to be masculine. I am here now because I have grown past that distorted view of polarity. I have learned how to relax and be comfortable with my masculine energy without needing to understand it on a logical level. I am hoping that my wife will be able to do the same.

No More Duality!

I'm probably a bit like your wife and that's because I was taught I was supposed to be 'a viking' by my single mother. She is tough, non-emotional, non-communicative. I actually had to struggle to say 'thank you' to people from a young age because it made me feel vulnerable. Now I cry at weddings, sappy movies, and basically allow myself to feel. I love thanking people and expressing gratitude in general.

Basically, we all have vulnerable qualities and that doesn't mean we are feminine in the sense of weakness. I know that's the standard opinion (especially if a man decides to cry or show softness) but both men and women are strong and vulnerable equally. How silly of us to think otherwise really. How quickly we will lose - or have already lost - our connection to our true human potential based on someone else's expectations of what we're supposed to be.

It sounds cheesy, but I think all every single one of us wants to be is love.

Well said

Very well said LB. We can go round and round chasing ideas, or we can just relax and let ourselves flow in ways that feel natural and authentic. I vote for the latter.

I like your comment about crying at movies. Last year my wife and I were watching a movie and she started to cry. She got very embarassed. I told her that I love it that she cries at movies and she said "I feel like such a sap!" However, she has relaxed about that in the time since.

Just last night she was getting ready for bed. She has a habit of putting her night shirt on before she takes her bra all the way off. I asked her why she does that. She said that she lived in a room with three other people during her semester in London England. They all changed in the same room so she learned to be modest. I pointed out that all of her room mates were women. She looked sheepish and said "well, I just don't like flashing my breasts." It is something that she does unconsciously, but it is another example of her not being entirely comfortable with her own femininity.

I don't need her to conform to any ideas of what a woman should be. However, it would be nice if she could learn to stop supressing that beautiful feminine energy of hers. She has very lovely breasts :)