LittleMix's blog

2012 CHALLENGE - January 18th - DAY 18 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Not much to report on today. My balls are huge at the moment. Had a little twinge of pain in the tube area between sack and penis.

Massive erection this morning once again with a ton of porn and fantasy flashbacks. They died down as the day went on.

Apart from that, fairly quiet. Pushed myself a bit too much during running today. Groin twinge is back again and my left knee is hurting.

One thing I have noticed in the last couple of days is that I've woken up much easier, more refreshed. I don't know whether it's due to abstinence or not, so I'm going to monitor that.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 17th - DAY 17 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Today was a fairly quiet day. I've decided that once I reach my PB of 21 days, I'll aim to hit weekly targets.

I'm on a healthy diet for 6 days a week with a binge at the end. I'm super strict for those 6 days and it's been my weight management tool for 2.5 years. Lost 3 stone on this. I've decided that if I ever relapse, I'll forgo the 7th day treat.

Had one worrying moment. The area between my ball sack and penis started hurting today. It was quite uncomfortable, but it went after a while.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 16th - DAY 16 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Had a stinking cold today. Nose is blocked in one nostril. Eyes are watery when my hands touch them.

Felt exhausted today. Perked up some energy to carry on with a writing project, but again, it's very easy for the mind to drift, especially when you use your imagination.

However, my energy levels are back down today. Crazy stuff. There have been some edge of the seats moments when I've thought 'I can't carry on'. Clicked on a few showbiz links with celebs I used to masturbate to.

Prepared some job applications which I'm going to fire off tomorrow and hope for the best.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 15th - DAY 15 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Well, I think I'll be off to the doctors this coming week. I can't stop crying. It's just one big wave of depression after another. To rub further salt into the wound, I've got a slight cold and itchy eyes and it's 0 degrees Celsius with frost and fog.

Always seem to wake up in the morning with erections and my mind racing with pornographic images. Crazy stuff.

Nothing else to report really.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 14th - DAY 14 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

I've decided that once I get to Day 21, I'll do weekly blogs instead.

What can I say about today. Brain fog, anxiety, tired limbs.

Got a little niggle in my groin today. Felt it after running, so I'm hoping that doesn't go.

A number of porn flashbacks occurred. Apart from that, nothing major. Had a massive morning erection which coincided with a ton of sexual thoughts which wore off once I stepped outside into the cold.

Onward and upwards.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 13th - DAY 13 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Had a wet dream last night. It was really strange. I had a dream that I was having sex and I couldn't feel any sensation at all. The next thing I know, I'm awake having an orgasm and a wet patch down below.
I checked my underwear too and there wasn't even a white leftover.

Today was back to the anxiety attacks. Nasty little things. Really make you feel worthless.

Is it possible that the wet dream caused my anxiety to increase?

Went out for a bit today. Didn't make any difference to my mood.

Guess I have to be patient and stick it out.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 12th - DAY 12 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Still a very anxious day with a few flashbacks back to porn. Very insecure about a number of things which is bizarre.

I cannot seem to recall getting a hard erection this morning, the first in a long time.

Concentration and memory levels are still shot to pieces. I'm going to start allocating some time to do the Brain Training and Sudoku.

Feels like I'm regressing rather than progressing. My brain seems to be making plans about when to masturbate and for how long. I reject them, but then it pops back into my mind again.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 11th - DAY 11 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

What a day. Felt so suicidal today, I'm surprised I've made this far. Every insecurity I've had rose to the surface today. My chest and ribs ache. Appetite has gone. I struggled with exercise today. I even cried.
It's just like being in a dark hole with no hope for anything. I hate this pain so much.

My mind is racing and it feels like it won't stop.

Hope this goes soon. Really struggling.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 10th - DAY 10 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Today has been a case of hidden anxiety, anger, headaches, frustration and increased sexual thoughts.

I feel like I've masturbated even though I haven't. My memory has returned back to its horrendous state. I feel tired and exercising has become a struggle.

I'm hoping this subsides soon. Concentration levels are at an all time low. Unable to read or write without my mind drifting.

Onto the next day I guess.