LittleMix's blog

2012 CHALLENGE - January 9th - DAY 9 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Today was a complete, total and utter nightmare.

I've been really stressed all day, panicky, nervous, even suicidal at times. I almost caved in today regarding porn.

I had lots of sexual thoughts today and to be brutally honest, I didn't care. However, I really wanted to masturbate, to get that real dose of dopamine flowing. I decided not to.

So tired right now. Feel so angry. Hope once I've posted my rant on another site and received some feedback, I'll know I'm not going crazy.

See whether I can last Day 10.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 8th - DAY 8 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

First off, I've changed the title of my blogs ever so slightly to make the 2012 challenge more clear. I am attempting to go on for the whole year, hoping to have rebooted come the start of 2013. A minor target is to reach 21 days; the longest I've been without porn and masturbation (had two wet dreams in that period). A big difference between 21 and 365, but this time, I have this site as accountability. I feel that I must try because it's added pressure rather than a mental goal with no one knowing or keeping tabs on me.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 7th - DAY 7 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Made it to the one week mark. Another 2 weeks to go until I reach my overall PB of 3 weeks.

Today, I haven't been able to get erections bar once, but even then, I struggled to maintain it. Something is happening, but it still feels too early to be declaring it the flatline stage. Morning glory still there this morning, but it went really quickly. Quite bizarre.

Porn flashbacks are still there, but I do find myself forcing them rather than they coming into my head naturally.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 6th - DAY 6 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Today has been by far the easiest day to date.

I went shopping this morning, watched TV programmes with hardly any sort of provocative imagery which could cause the mind to drift. Best of all, some of the people I used to masturbate to on some programmes, I couldn't even force myself to get erotic images of them in my head when they came on the TV.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 5th - DAY 5 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Today was a case of a new symptom arising: anxiety.

I've had some issues recently about religion which has caused anxiety (think I'm suffering from religious trauma syndrome), but porn and masturbation always relieved them temporarily and allowed me to the temporary peace to sort things out in my fogged up brain. Well today, the anxiety returned and it's been horrendous. It started off mid-afternoon and hasn't shifted.

I woke up this morning full of fantasies and a few erections, but they disappeared the moment the anxiety kicked in.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 4th - DAY 4 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Today was another battle in the brain. I'll describe the situation.

I keep having fantasies about a real life girl getting ready to have sex with me. No idea why, but it's frustrating. She'd get into the position I used to masturbate too. At times, I was tempted to give in, but then I thought about this site and discarded the notion immediately. Then, my mind would revert to porn images which are easier to shrug off than the thought about the real life girl.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 3rd - DAY 3 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Today has been a case of mental torture and some headaches.

Continual flashbacks of pornography in my mind, along with some headaches this evening. Limbs still feel tired and skin is oily once again. I've had a few spontaneous erections today because of the flashbacks. Haven't noticed any improvements in my running or press-ups yet. This will probably happen next week.

Nothing else really to report really. It's more of a mental issue at the moment and that's the frustrating part.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 2nd - DAY 2 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Well, today was a case of mental rather than physical urges if that makes sense.

Fantasies of girls I don't even know just pop into my head, and I'm cuddling them. Don't know why this is happening on Day 2. Whenever the thoughts get sexual, I immediately change them to something else. I have taken to the tongue-biting at times.

2012 CHALLENGE - January 1st - DAY 1 / 365

Submitted by LittleMix on

Hi All,

This is a summary as to why I'm doing this, followed by my first day log (below the line). I hope that my blog will make it easy for people to follow:

I first discovered this site about a month and a half ago after I decided that my life was going down the drain because of porn, masturbation and sex addiction. Before I go any further, I'm 20, single and unemployed.