New Years Update

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Submitted by Louie on
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Hello All

It has been a while since I have updated my blog so I thought that I should throw up a post to let people know where I am at.

No karezza yet.

I am sure that some people are reading this and saying to themselves "Louie, what is wrong with you?! You need to get this going! The sooner the better!"

All I can say in response is trust me. I know what I am doing.

If someone were to judge our relationship based entirely on sex, they would be worried about us. They would be very worried. We have had sex twice in the past 1.5 years. By all clinical definitions that is a sexless marriage and one that is probably heading for disaster. However, one would only get that impression if they judged the relationship entirely by the health of its sex life.

If that same person were to put away their conventional ideas of what it means for a marriage to be healthy, and just watch us for a few days, they would come away with a very different impression.

My wife is not much interested in sex right now, but she is making a tremendous effort on other levels. She is healing at very deep levels.

Over the past few months I have come to understand just how conflicted my wife is. She really wants to experience deep love, but she does not trust love very much. She does not trust in her own femininity or sexuality. She is very insecure about such things. But ... she is working hard to overcome all of that. She is going step by step, slowly opening up and allowing herself to be vulnerable.

My wife is a woman unfolding, and it is a beautiful process to observe. It is painfully slow, but it is beautiful none the less. She is healing herself and I am determined to allow her to go through this process in her own way, at her own pace. I am not going to try to hurry her along. Instead, I support her by being a strong and dependable lover. When she opens herself to receive love she always receives it. It is a self-reinforcing process.

Would the whole process go faster if we were actively doing karezza? Probably. However, I will not use negative tactics to get karezza going. I will not pressure her. It will happen when she is ready for it to happen and not before.

In the meantime, I am continuing to work on myself. It has been months since I have indulged in any sort of sexual fantasy. MO is down to once every 40 days or so. I only do it when my hormone levels are getting out of whack and starting to impact on my day to day life. Karezza will help with that once it starts. However, it is interesting to note that the space between such periods of hyper-sexuality is getting longer and longer. Once upon a time I could not go 3 days without feeling like I had to ejaculate. Now 30-40 days is comfortable. It just required some self-discipline and patience.

As an aside, my sexual response to my wife is still very strong. I can get an erection in 2 seconds flat if she does something suggestive. No issues there.

Physically I have noted some interesting changes. All through the fall I was losing weight. Then my body reached its ideal weight and the weight loss stopped. I look as good now as I did when I was 25. I am lean and muscular. My work-outs have not changed but I look way better. My eyes are also very bright blue again. They were looking dull in recent years. I laugh and smile much easier. My memory is much better. It is amazing what the body can do when you are not messing up its hormone levels with frequent orgasms.

So, if you look at things from the point of view of sex, nothing has changed since my last post.

From a larger perspective, all kinds of things have changed, and are still changing.

Happy New Year!



Happy New Year!

Louie, you sound content and happy and I hope you and your wife keep getting closer and closer~~you are a good man and your patience will pay off in the end! I can tell you love your wife so much and that is a beautiful thing~~


I am content because I have learned how to love and validate myself. When you are truly comfortable and happy just being yourself ... regardless of what anyone else is doing ... then life becomes very calm and you no longer feel any need to bend other people to your own way of thinking. I am not perfect on this, but I have come a long way.

I have ideas about how I would like my life to be. When other people did not cooperate with those ideas I used to get upset because I thought they were blocking my happiness. In truth, they were only resisting my ideas. If my happiness was attached to those ideas then that was my problem, not theirs. It is OK to have ideas, but it is unreasonable to expect that life will move in accordance with my ideas all the time.

My wife has her ideas about life as well. When I was hung up on the ways in which I felt she was blocking me, I was not very compassionate about that. Now I can clearly see how she also feels blocked in her own life. Right now she is feeling very blocked in some things (mostly her own physical health). She does not trust her own body very much right now. It keeps doing things that are not in accordance with her ideas of what it should be doing. Bodies have a mind of theri own :)

We all have our hang-ups. We all have things about our own lives that we wish were different. If we allow them to, those perceived blockages will pull us down. I am choosing to NOT be pulled down by my personal blocks.

I would love for sex to be happening, but I am not going to allow my happiness to be dependent on that. I am choosing to be relaxed and patient instead. Choosing to be aggressive and angry would not help anything and I would feel much worse. Wen you look at it that way, it is not really a hard choice to make.

Sex as treatment

I am sure you are right. karezza would be a great treatment for my wife. Even if it did not effect her health issues directly, it would help reduce her anxiety about them. Anxiety makes all health issues worse.

However, she differs in her opinion on that point. When she considers sex, the #1 factor is whether or not she feels up for it physically. At present time her inner response is a consistent "no", so sex does not happen. Sex would probably help her feel better, but she wants to feel better before having sex. Its frustrating, but there is not much I can do about it right now.

Thankfully, the health issues are improving. She feels much better now than she did a few months ago. The trend is upward. That vortex of emotional energy that surrounds her health and well being is starting to subside. The more that it subsides, the more energy and attention she will have to devote to other things ... like our intimate life.

She initiated a "make-out" session last night. We haven't done that in a long time. It was nice, and it it was also a very good sign that she is starting to come around.