No more M for me

Louie's picture
Submitted by Louie on
Printer-friendly version

I have mentionned this in other threads, but I thought that I should add it to my blog as well. I have made the decision to quit masturbation entirely.

I started self pleasuring when I was about 14. During my teen years I did it multiple times a day. Even as recently as a year ago I was having orgasms on an almost daily basis.

last December I made the decision to cut way back on ejaculation. It has been a gradual process, but for the last three months I have averaged about 10-15 days between Os. However, I was still indulging in M without O every so often. I had it in my head that this would be good training for being aroused without needing to ejaculate. However, I think that it was actually counter-productive. Getting myself aroused, but not releasing the tension only caused my sexual energy to be tense. I would end up exercising too much or otherwise being high strung.

I recently listened to a Barry Long tape in which he made the statement that the only comfortable place for the penis to be erect is inside of the vagina. After hearing that I reflected a bit and realized that for the last few months I have been forcing erections to happen when I want to indulge in some M. I use fantasy to get things going. Thus, it is not a very natural thing to be doing.

So that was two major strikes against M. It makes me sexually tense and it requires me to use fantasy or other unnatural stimulation to force an erection.

The final strike was delivered by the cuddle therapy experiment. I think that I was using M as a way to self soothe. Imagining myself making love with my wife allowed me to feel some degree of closeness with her. However, our cuddling has now become such a deep and loving experience that M seems woefully inadequate in comparison. The fantasy cannot hold a candle to the real thing.

Three strikes and masturbation is out. I have curently not masturbated in any way for 11 days, which is the longest that I have gone since before puberty. I feel little desire at all to do it. I credit cuddling for that. I think that the desire for M was driven by tension, and cuddling makes all of the tension go away. No tension means no fuel for M.

Last night my wife was looking very good in her tight pants. I thought to myself "that is a nice image to take into some M tonight". Then I gave my head a shake. Get behind me dopamine! There will be no more fantacizing here! We prefer the real thing here. It was surprisingly easy to avoid that temptation.



and the neat thing is...

the cuddling and bonding makes it easy to give up masturbation. I think if I were single I would have a very tough time. Being with someone who I love so much and bond with every day, morning and night, makes it so much better and easier not to masturbate. I gave it up about 10 months ago with no difficulties whatever because this (bonding with my wife) is SO much more pleasurable and so replaced masturbation completely and easily.

I think it will work that way for you too, Louie.


Is it really bad to masturbate while fantasizing about someone you find attractive? I mean watching porn and O or forcing erections is one thing, but if you get a fast boner from thinking about a hot girl you know and decide you want to sooth yourself, would it really be a set back?

no partner. Just been

no partner. Just been flirting with women here and there. I have abstained from yanking it since. However, It has been 15 days no PMO. Just that one day was the accumulation of non stop obsession for this one woman I was going crazy for, I had to release myself.

It's very tough

when you're on your own...especially in today's highly sexualized environment.

What can you do to increase your socializing with real potential mates? Also consider lots of exercise and/or regular meditation.

Did you manage to masturbate without porn or porn fantasy? That's a good idea too, as you're better prepared for real sex if your focus is on what you're feeling, rather than conjuring up in your mind. Maybe this will have some useful insights:

Are there any guidelines for healthy masturbation?


I did not watch porn or fantasize about it while i was wanking it. I just met this receptionist who was drop dead gorgeous, and days afterwards I couldn't stop thinking about her.

Yes I exercise. An hour 6 times a day. I work full time. I read books a bit at home. I will be attending Korean language school tomorrow. So I'm pretty busy throughout the week.

I don't really feel lonely because I can start up conversations with women pretty easily. I used to fail at this miserably many times in the past.

I quit weed, smoking, and heavy drinking along time ago.

My new goal is to quit PMO for good. It's been a while since I've dated. I'm feeling a bit rusty.

I wonder if this can also be applied to females

Thank you Louie for this post. Like you, I have started M at the age of 14.


You mentioned this comment that you heard on this tape that the only comfortable place for the penis to be erect was inside of the vagina. I think that you can perhaps apply this to the female situation - that the only comfortable place for the vagina to be aroused is together with a penis. Indeed, it would give me less and less satisfaction when I would do "it" with my fingers or with whatever kind of object. I wanted the "real thing", especially after having experienced how wonderful sexual intercourse can be.


Of course, it's a difference when you have sex with a partner. Then, you are realy dependent on him/her to give you pleasure. You are not the one controlling it. Thus, I have heard of a woman who had done M before she got married. Then, having sex with her husband, she couldn't climax anymore - at least not in the beginning. Because she was used to stimulating herself; and she did it in a certain way. However, her partner stimulated her differently, and so she had difficulties to climax, which really confused them.

But I still don't quite understand why men prefer to lay hands on themselves rather then having intercourse with a woman. Was it in your case just because you were so used to digital stimulation? But didn't you figure out that it's much better with a woman once you started having real sex?


I have always preferred to have sex with my wife, however, she was not available as often as I wanted. I used M to fill in the gaps so to speak.

I have now been 14 days with no M, and I am still feeling no real internal pressure to do it. So far this has been much easier than I expected it would be.

Different Approach

I find prolonged genital massage, with only a partial erection, while meditating on moving the sexual tension throughout my body (as opposed to sexual fantasies) to be helpful in turning heightened tension into a good experience.

You didn't say so, but do I assume correctly that you're still engaging in intercourse? My wife and I have cut way back on that, as I have with ejaculation; hope soon to be abstinent, leaving cuddling, etc., as the focus of our physical relationship. Nonsexual, low arousal genital massage is just an exercise getting and keeping me fit and charged for that.


I agree Em

There is nothing like it. Since we began over 3 months ago (wow time flys) there is no need for masturbation, it has no place in our lives now, Karezza fills all our sexual needs,it's amazing.
Louie, stay away from M&O , hopefully get the Karezza train back on the tracks and you will be glad you did, trust me, it works!