Last night I decided that there is no time like the present and told my wife that I would like to make love with her. The response was like having a bucket of cold water thrown on me. She snorted (honest she did) and said she was waaaay too tired and waaaay too sore for that. Then, without skipping a beat, she starting talking about something else and that was that. I have been turned down for sex many times over the course of our marriage, but this felt rather like a dismissal. Needless to say, my desire to make love with her evaporated very quickly.
I suppose I could have pressed the issue, but honestly, my self respect is way too high to go begging for sex. I only want to make love with someone who actually wants to make love with me. I don't see any point to it otherwise. You cannot have a loving exchange with someone who does not actually want to be there.
In any case, later in the evening I saw her flopped in the easy chair playing a puzzle game on our daughter's hand-held game system. She looked very tired. I realized then that her response earlier had not been an excuse. She only plays video games when she wants to pretend that the world does not exist for a while, but does not have the mental energy to read. It is usually a sign that her energy is really flat. I felt love and compassion for her in that moment and it took the sting out of her earlier dismissal.
On a related note, we did not cuddle this morning because she was dead to the world until the alarm went off.
I will wait until she is back in a positive space and then I will try again to coax her into love making.