Victim Mentality

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Submitted by Louie on
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I re-read my last blog entry today, as well as all of the responses. and I realized that I was starting back down a path that I have walked too many times in the past few years. I am positioning myself as a helpless victim again. Sometimes I am a victim of an uncaring wife. Sometimes I am a victim of circumstance. The story changes, but the punch line is always the same. Always there is an excuse for why I cannot have the sex life that I want.

I am going to nip that in the bud right now. The past history is irrelevant. There is no point in analyzing and re-analyzing it. I don't need to understand how I got to where I am. What I do need is to understand how to move forward.

I need to get my wife into bed, as soon as possible, to start experiencing the healing benefits of karezza for our marriage. I won't force the issue, but I will be more proactive.

I will post again when there is a development of some kind on that front.



I wish you the best, Louie

I think of how lucky your wife and other wives of men on this site actually are. They have husbands who are trying to establish this wonderful kind of intimacy with them and they're not into it. You're not asking her to do anything demeaning or counter-productive to intimacy; heck, you're not even asking her to initiate it or strip for you or do reverse cowgirl. Only to be tender, affectionate and receptive to your masculine force. I'm impressed at how you and other men on this site work on being loving and forgiving rather than resentful and angry. That's real love, man. That's self-control, far-sightedness and determination. That's being a man.

Bruce Lee quote of the day:
To hell with circumstances. I create opportunities.


I like to think that at a deep level there is value in all of the sexual frustrations that I have had with my wife. I am learning and growing through these things. It is not all pain. There is also gain in there. I am becoming a better human being.

I have favourite quote to toss back to you:

There are no wrong turns in life. There are only paths that you did not expect to take.
Guy Gavriel Kay

Congratulations and Good Luck


I would like to congratulate you for being aware of what you are now, and the future. And you are so correct, the past is irrelevant now, and that what is important is how we go on to our daily lives and keep moving forward.
We have to appreciate though the blessings of our past, because our past has molded us of who we are right now, however, we shouldn't let our bad pasts hinder us from our moving forward.

The victim mentality really is a negative vibe that is circulating in our brains. We feel undeserved, we feel unloved, we feel the victim of circumstance, we feel we deserve punishment, blah blah blah, thus we tend to become unappreciative of the blessings and the goodness of life has to offer. We complain, we only see the negative side of others, eventually creates rift from oneself and others!

With regards to bedding your wife, I assume you still sleep on the same bed with her, (stupid me!) But might I suggest you do it in the morning. Make sure you wake up earlier than she is and practice karezza with her. On the women's part, waking up a bit sexually aroused is a good way to wake up to. Karezza is more on loving caresses, and sweet kisses, and is centered on the breasts and not on the genitals. I had this experience, my then partner just wakes me up with kisses all over my face, his hands caressing on my breasts, it is a great feeling! I hope it will feel great with you and your wife too!

Good Luck
Take Control of your urges!
Stay happy and positive!
You can do it!

Interestingly ...

... that is exactly how my wife woke up this morning. I cuddled her for an hour. Then she cuddled me for an hour. She slept soundly through those two hours. Then I cuddled her again and slipped my hand under her shirt to cup her breast. That skin to skin contact really brought out the energy. It was great. She is in a good mood this morning.


That makes me happy to hear that worked for you two! See, you can tell her, you don't have to do anything and we both feel good! LOL


I was really amazed that it also worked! Congratulations! I was confident it will work you know why? because even during her sleep, your loving energy was already reaching her. She felt how pure your loving caresses were. And with that even asleep she also replied with loving responses. I hope you can try to get her naked when you get to sleep. If not, make sure she wakes up your hands bare against her body. Or that even if she is is wearing clothes, you are naked beside her..She will take her clothes off for you. And after a few moments in the morning of cuddling, make sure you try to get a few more minutes of sleep cuddling naked. this time face to face. It will be great!

Good way to go waking up every morning like that
Ask her if she had a great day. A good wake up morning can extend to a positive day!
And have you asked yourself how are you feeling? I bet you love her more today than yesterday and you gonna love her more and more.
Keep up the good work!

Stay happy
stay positive
stay In Love!

Positive words are Magical!

Thank you enlightenmentgirl!

Positive words are really magical. Just by being in a positive mood can totally make things lighter for your entire day! Its just a matter of being able to see the positive side of things in life.

Just by reading a simple positive comment and encouragement already makes our day lighter, imagine the magic it can give us if we keep on thinking positive?

Thank you everyone!
Stay happy and positive!
We will all Recover!

you become a very attractive man

when you show masculine resolve and leadership. Which is what you are doing.

It takes a bit of time sometimes for our women to respond to this but they *love* it, Louie. And that reinforces our resolve. I think you'll be fine. 


Louie, I have read your posts and my heart aches for you, I think all of us (guys) have at one time or another been where you are, I know I have. Life with a woman isn't always easy, but then neither is life with a man, according to my wife. I am no marriage counselor and so I wont even go there but I do know a marriage takes a lot of work and time spent together and understanding and, and, and,..........well the list could go on forever.

I do have a suggestion for you and your wife. When we first got involved with Karezza we had a great sex life, you can read my post "Husband in orgasmic marriage discovers Karezza", but then we discovered Karezza and wow! No two of us are the same and how you make the transition is going to be up to you and your mate but the one thing that helped us the most was watching Marnias videos together "the Hidden Factor" It wasn't easy for me to get my wife to watch them but when we did it was like a lightbulb coming on. Notice I said we watched them "together". Have you and your watched them yet?

What needs to happen in your marriage may not happen overnight but those vids will be a place to start and it will get you both on the same page which is also a good place to be. So, don't give up, we've all been there and the good thing is it can and will get better. I would love to hear your wifes response to the vids.


I have thought about the videos and of showing her the bok. However, I want to wait until she has had a couple of karezza experiences before presenting her with any info. Due to a past history of manipulation on my part, she might misconstrue such info as another guilt mechanism. I would rather intoduce CPA when she is in a positive mood about sexuality so that she will be more open to it.

I do not imagine it will be long.