We had the talk

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Submitted by Louie on
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Today I told my wife that I have been spacing out my ejaculations to the point where I only do it about twice a month, and I intend to continue with that trend and hopefully strech it out over time. I told her that I have noticed my mind is much sharper, my thinking is calmer and more clear, and my general outlook on life is much better when I do not ejaculate for a prolonged period of time. She told me she has noticed that I have been very upbeat the past few months. We have not been very sexually active in that time, so she would not know if I was ejaculating frequently or not. However, she seemed to readily accept that not ejaculating frequently has an obvious (positive) effect on me.

Since she did not seem to have any concerns about this, I carried on and told her that I am also changing my outlook on sex. In the past I have been way too goal oriented. It was all about building passion and making it a performance. I do not want sex to be like that anymore. I would like sex to be much more relaxed. It should be about bonding rather than lust. She had her doubts about how that would work, but she had no objections to trying it.

So, it is now out there. The next time we have sex she will not be surprised when I take it slow and easy (provided that she remembers this conversation). She will not be surprised when I stop short of an orgasm. Just to be sure though, when I do stop I will remind her of why (not ejaculating). I will not force anything on her. If she wants to O then she can. That is her choice. I will take no responsibility for that. However, I will take full responsibility for myself and make the conscious choice to conserve my sexual essence and share myself in other ways.

I realize that this is easier said than done. If she does have an O it will be hard to not follow her over the edge. We will see when the time comes.



Good for you

I'm glad that you were able to talk about this with her. As you said, it's out in the open; you don't have to practice orgasm control stealthily anymore, she knows what you're doing and why you're doing it. And who knows? Over time, she might want to discuss or experiment with orgasm control for herself.


>She will not be surprised when I stop short of an orgasm

Id encourage you to read CPA to her, if she wont read it herself. Its a great cuddle activity. While she may absorb some of the experience by osmosis the same can not be said of the theory that underpins karezza. It takes a pretty large force to counteract the drive to orgasm, and its the front part of the brain that is your friend there.

Also id encourage you to reframe the above. Rather than stopping short, how about just savouring being connected. Treat it more like a dance, a slow dance, the kind like our grandparents used to do.