Wife says no more O's

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Submitted by Luv2fly on
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After about four months of Karezza my wife and I are doing just fine, our relationship is stronger than ever and our sex life is very nice and I have no complaints. (Thanks Marnia and company) There is only one thing that I am stressing about just a little and I dont know what to do about it, I dont like stress.

My wife and I don't discuss sex very often, as she is just not comfortable with it, that is one thing that Karezza hasn't changed, yet.
But I did ask her about having some conventional sex sometime down the road and she flatly refused! I can't see where a session of good old "orgasm driven intercourse" would do us any harm. I'm not talking about going back to it permanently just once every now and then. She said no more O's for her, that she is perfectly content with things like they are, (she absolutely loves Karezza) which is awesome. This is coming from a woman who five months ago was having earth shattering orgasms (two or three a week) with me and had been for the last twenty five years! Now having an orgasm together isn't even an option anymore. I was hoping we could have one (orgasm) together every now and then, but now she refuses, says she doesnt need them anymore. When she told me that I felt like I did when I discovered Santa wasn't for real! No kidding, this one has been a little traumatic for me.

So, what do you think out there in Karezzaville, should I continue to gently pursue this matter till she gives in, or let it go, I need some help here.



my take on this

things evolve. Things change. She may say that but may have an orgasm anyway. And you may too.

Today for instance, my wife had one and shortly thereafter I had one, the first in several months for me and the second this entire year. I could not stop it. Now I feel really crappy, kind of depressed, and deadened. It is fascinating how this has affected me and I am not eager for it again. I just fell off the cliff and couldn't help it and I'm glad I did because I am not interested in this feeling. I do like it when *she* has one...so there is a definite double standard going on around here (hers are infrequent nowadays.)

This always evolves so I wouldn't worry about the words or conversation or agreements. Just continue doing your thing. There may be a time when things change for a bit, and Karezza is about nothing *but* being in the moment, right? Why worry about making agreements for the future in this area of life?

thanks em

I know what you are saying, stay in the moment. I wish it was that easy, it should be. My wife is not one of those who will just "have an orgasm", I think she has a switch somewhere she can turn on or off, but she has to be the one that does the switching and right now it doesnt look like that is going to happen.

I know what you mean about those feelings after an O.

well it may happen...

she could go through a phase and change her mind. It could happen in a few months, a few weeks, or not. But I think things change. You must be of the mind of giving her space to develop and blossom her way and on her time. This is something I'm still learning with my wife and it is extremely helpful I think with regard to all women. I tend to be controlling and domineering and today, I just let her initiate everything, and it was very nice. I always have to make sure I'm giving her her space and when I do, I'm always delighted with what happens.

Honestly, I've wondered if a

Honestly, I've wondered if a sex schedule has ever been part of religious tradition - like the feast and fast calendars. It would make a lot of sense to me, to have different modes at different times. I don't think you can just mix them willy nilly. I don't think meditative sex can go as deep unless one has properly prepared by abstaining from orgasm for a couple weeks. And I think what a lot of guys mean by "every now and then" is really a couple times a week Wink So, I'm actually very open to the idea, but skeptical that they mean the same thing by it that I do. I will say, having had lots of nice slow, quiet sex with my recent lover before the hot and heavy hot tub action definitely made it much more enjoyable than if we had only been having that style of sex.

I guess

>I did ask her about having some conventional sex sometime down the road

I agree about just taking each day, each session as it comes, but my question is why do you think you want to have some conventional sex? Your partner sounds like a bit of an energizer bunny, so nothing like my partner. But what i have noticed is that i sometimes try to mildly excite her to get her more engaged. Shes, i dont know about half the time not really there in one way or another. Lately i discovered its better to stay with the stillness, than to try to 'warm' her up. However there are sessions when she has the potential to excite, but while her self control is good and we dont excite, we will play with the energy, and they are fun sessions, which she really likes. Because she likes them i like them, i like her, and hence my interest in revving her up. But i have zero interest in pumping away at her and never feel any frustration from 'non consumation'. Its hard to describe, its like i have forgotton how to have conventional sex. There was this one time when she went wild, and i sat there kind of like an observer waiting for it be over, lol, makes me feel like a girl.

But like i said that doesnt sound like you guys problem? Ill stop thinking out loud now.

Conventional sex

I suppose I want to experience the WOW factor, it was so darn good. I just miss it at times, but having said that I don't miss all the junk that goes along with it. Like I said I have no intention of getting back on the orgasm trail again.

Yes but

>I want to experience the WOW factor

Is that now talking or what you feel while you are making love? If the latter then id be inclined to ask myself where i am in my body, how am i breathing, what parts of me are tense, or clutched, why am i not really just totally present with my love. In that space you have no wants at all.

I think I'd hear it as

"I'm definitely not ready to go back to conventional sex at this time," and just let things unfold.

Meanwhile, thank your lucky stars for a loving, sexually active mate.Good

In life, you can never have it all, so it's important to keep your priorities clear and your gratitude in place.

I think

I think *right now* it feels like you will be missing out on the "wow" if you proclaim, "No More Orgasms!"~~it's more of a mind thing than what will happen in actuality.

In actuality, you might "go for it" every once in awhile and it will feel good...and you'll notice how you feel afterwards...but then, over time as you practice karezza, you'll notice it gets harder and harder to get to that excited point and you will find yourself staying at an even keel.

I say this because we've been doing this for almost three years now and today my lover told me he never really *ever* gets above a 7 on a 1-10 scale and that he'd really have to work at it to achieve orgasm (the only time he has an orgasm is when *I* do something to knock him off the cliff, such as move suddenly, lol~~he is not goal-oriented toward orgasm at all anymore). He says he would rather just relax inside me and feel the energy and the throbbing going back and forth than try for an orgasm~~and the times that he does ejaculate, it's a really small amount and it doesn't knock him down like a normal "tried for" orgasm would.

You'll find in the beginning it's harder to stay the course, but as everyone else has said, just live in the moment and if the moment tells you you want an orgasm, then don't hold back. But just keep practicing and you'll see that it starts to lose its hold over you. At least that's been our experience!

Have fun!

Thanks y'all

I hear what you are saying. I am going to stay on course, being thankful for what we have and let the orgasm issue fade away. What we have is so good, I will keep my focus there , or here, in the moment.