Karezza's potential role in porn recovery

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Submitted by Marnia on
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Thought some of you might enjoy this post from a recovery forum:

What an amazing morning!

Hi everyone,

File this under another illustration of the potential benefits of staying off PMO. I've made 3 weeks today! But it's been a tough road. I'm keenly aware of the mental impact of PMO, and the struggles during the rebooting period. It's like I can feel my prefrontal cortex and limbic system battling each other. This morning, though, something amazing happened...

Backstory as I'm still pretty new here - I'm a greybeard, began fapping to "analog" porn back before the internet even exited (yes, kids, there was a world before email). Lived through hell as a kid, and struggled w/ depression and inability to connect emotionally for most of my life. Divorced once, and now remarried. The past few years my habit was a daily ritual. Usually in the AM before getting down to work. I wasn't the type to edge for hours, usually just wanted to get it out of the way. I struggled with all the usual feelings of being emotionally depleted and shame. But I ascribe much of that to my own emotional dysfunction, and hadn't made the connection that PMO-ing might be aggrivating my struggles until beginning to read up on YBOP a few weeks back when a friend mentioned it. Told my wife last week after having about 1 1/2 weeks PMO free under my belt, and was so relieved to find that she didn't want to kick me out, but has been amazingly supportive.

What happened yesterday I was in bad shape. Hadn't slept well (maybe 3 hours or so). Wasn't feeling tempted to fap so much I was just feeling awful. In a total haze, couldn't focus on work, really struggling with wanting to crawl into a hole and hide. Made it through the day intact. When wife came home from work (I work at home), she was also drained. We just went to bed pretty soon. But I talked a little bit with her about Karezza and the reading I've been doing on it. I've really been questioning whether or not I could, or should O if and when we had sex. I've been really nervous about it and unsure. I asked her if she would be upset if I didn't O, since I had read that some people report that women actually O more when the male doesn't. She looked at me and said, "I think that's the dumbest question you've ever asked me."

What Happened This Morning I'm still kind of in shock. Early this AM she rolled over and took my hand and put it on her breast. We began cuddling and kissing and soon things progressed. Here's the amazing thing - I didn't O, and I didn't really stress about it for the first time, EVER
We experienced a kind of connection that I don't think either of us have ever really had. It wasn't all kinds of fireworks and spiritual explosions of joy. It was calmer than that, but it was still wonderful. There was a kind of peacefulness and tranquility to what we shared. For the first time in my life I actually felt satisfied. I didn't O (nor did she), and a couple of times I found myself almost wanting to, or picking up on her wanting me to sort of go in to the "old mode" of pushing myself to O. And every time I just kind of checked in w/ myself, I slowed down because something inside of me really DIDN"T want to O. It was like all the performance anxiety and stress kind of disappeared and I was able to just be in that moment.

After Effects So Far I'm feeling more focussed this morning and a lot less stressed out than I have been feeling the past few weeks. I'm still not cognitively at 100%, but I'm maybe around 75% which is a heck of a lot better than I was. I honestly don't know if I will want to continue the contact as much as I wanted to this morning when we stopped, but I'm not stressing out about it like I used to. I think the best feeling of all was that I didn't feel crashed out like I normally do post O, and as of now, I'm not feeling nearly the kind of intense cravings and unhappiness I've been struggling with recently.

I'm excited to learn more and continue on this journey. Porn is not evil, per se. But the impact it has on some of us is truly destructive. And sometimes I wish I could be the type who consume it without it comsuming me. But if the tradeoff is no porn and having this be the direction my marriage goes from here on out, I'll make it happily.

Other accounts by guys who found this helpful during recovery

 

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