Love, Addiction and Science

Marnia's picture
Submitted by Marnia on


I posted it because

it shows that the neurochemicals related to mating overlap with those that underly addiction. That's always interesting to me because that's a major premise of my book. For me, it indicates how powerful neurochemical fluctuations can be - and why more careful management of sex is sensible (rather than "sex negative").

Karezza can help ease the fiery mating frenzy at the beginning of a relationship, but few people have the knowledge/will to do so. In an established relationship, the relationship pleasure can be intense without being as risky and unstable. Hopefully that's what you're experiencing.

In a sense, we're always running on "drugs." It's just a matter of choosing which cocktail of drugs. Karezza is a way to steer for balance and stabilize - to maximize pleasure and minimize fallout.

How is your "drug trip" going? Can you function? Is your relationship harmonious? Or are you overdosing? Every couple has to figure out what works for them.

NYT had a good article about

NYT had a good article about how people change over the course of very long relationships. I have a hard time thinking that a frenzy at the start of a relationship is a bad thing. New relationships often need energy. Of course, people should think about what will keep them together over long term.

I have a very hard time managing stress. This can be a chronic problem and I look for different ways of managing it. Some of it is my internal personality and some of it is the career path I have, plus family, plus everything else. Early in a relationship, especially when you are young, you don't usually have to worry about that stuff. I worry about stress hormones as much or more than sexual ones.

So, my wife and I have to shuffle things every now and then. What's going on right now feels good, but at the same time, foreign to myusual internal dialogue. Last week felt physically intense. That has worn off a little. The psychological intensity is still there for sure.

One thing that has also worked that has been different than Karezza altogether---to decompress my wife has gotten a better understanding of my need to also have time completel away from stimulus. For 2 hours or so on Sunday I will go in a very dark quiet area in house while she does her own thing. So many aspects.

What intrigues me

is that with karezza in the picture it seems so much easier to work out the compromises needed for harmonious couplehood - whatever they may be...and even with needed changes over time. Your example of "quiet time" helping to reduce your stress is a perfect example.

Especially true for teenagers/young adults

Interesting material, the romantic love, especially early in life, often begins as sheer sexual craving/attraction, no wonder it is addictive. I remember I was even losing weight, if the person I was craving for did not respond, or something else went wrong, and the dopamine release was crazy.

I also get "high" doing shopping, especially trying and buying shoes, the feeling is less strong than in case of romantic love, but it is the same feeling.