QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
What was your wife reaction when you annouced her this decision? Did she oppose? I mean, women also need sex, right? I'm asking because I consider taking this way but I'm afraid how my GF will react.
You want a relationship to last forever, right? At least I do. In the spectrum of forever, a year is hardly anything to ask for. Faithful woman abstain for years for their deployed, sick, injured, long distance husbands. If sex matters more to you then the longevity of your relationship, then monk mode wont work. And honestly, why would you want to be with someone who cares more about sex than how you feel?
After the 365 on monk mode, did you start having regular sex with your wife? Would you say the abstinence improved the relationship? What about the sex with your wife?
It definitely improved our relationship in the way that I see my wife as an equal more so then I did before. Its weird. We have been together for almost 10 years. Something happens in some marriages where you just start having sex less. This leads to an emotional and physical detatchment which I think is a main cause of divorce. You would think that by furthering that abstinence it would destroy my relationship, right? But it did the opposite. When I wanted sex, but wasnt really gettign it as frequently as I wanted, I seemed to almost become dismissive with my wife. When I chose to abstain, I took the power of sex away from us both. This lead to less frustration in the relationship. Instead of being upset that my wife was "too tired" or upset because she decided to let our daughter sleep in our bed on a night that love making was implied. That frustration disolved. I knew I was in it for the long haul, so I had to engage my wife on a more emotional and mental level. Its like, I was being distant as almost a punishment for the lack of intimacy, which is fucking terrible to do. It just leads to more misery. by abstaining I got closer in more important ways. This lead to my wife being more attracted to me as a person, and not just a dick. Which is like.... a majority of a womans sexual drive. By the end of the year my wife wanted to rip my cloths off. Not because we abstained, but because I put in the efforts in other parts of my relationship that rekindled her attraction for me. I feel more in love than I ever have.
A year without fucking your wife? You are fucked up buddy.
Was it fucked up for my wife to obstain for 9 months during pregnancy? Should I have cheated on her? Should my wife had cheated when I was deployed? This is probably the biggest flaw in this type of mentality, and it typically comes from people who's only goal is to have sex with a female. My goal wasnt sex. I can have sex whenever I want. The goal was to strengthen my relationship with my wife. After 10 years our relationship was in a rut. Sex was OK, but it wasnt mind blowing anymore. It got to the point where I was prefer masturbation over sex because it required less of my time and I wasnt going to let anyone down. Instead of fixing my relationship, I was introverting into fapping. How would this been beneficial for my relationship?
I didnt think for a second my wife would cheat. She was the most supportive person with all of this. More support even than this community. If you plan on staying with someone for life, a year for dedication isnt much to ask for. If your SO can't compromise like that, well then, the relationship was doomed anyway.
What physical and mental benefits have you experienced?
Mentally its liberating. Not thinking about woman as sexual objects and not subjecting yourself to a million sexual thoughts every time you leave the house or turn on a computer is probably the greatest benefit. Not being completely restricted by sexuality. I feel like the "confidence" I feel isnt really confidence. Its just the ability to talk to a woman and not feel anxious or awkward because of some sort of sexual tension or something. I'm able to just treat people as people, men and woman.
How would you compare life before and after?
Night and day difference. Our sexual life is 1000x better. Our ability to communicate our intentions are a lot easier now. Things in general are just better. I don't treat her like some sort of burden I'm waiting for the chance to fuck. I dont know. Its hard to really put into words.
How did your wife handle the year?
She was very supportive. Our relationship was on the rocks before so basically it was our chance to change for the better and make it work.
Did anything exraordinary happened to you during that time beside fixing relations with wife? Some changes in hobbies work etc?
I lost 65lbs. I stopped drinking. I started playing disc golf. I started to write music again. I hung out with my friends a lot more rather than sitting around a house all day edging. This lead to way better relationships with my friends. I got a promotion at work and im now currently a manager here.
Id say all aspects of my life saw gains that year. Weather they were from nofap or not I couldnt solidly say. I like to think they are, but last year was basically a giant reboot of my life.