Im in a Relationship now :D

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Submitted by MraxisLynch on
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So much has happened since I stopped PMO, it's feels like a lifetime ago when I made my first blog here.

I've met an amazing girl, we have SO much in common it's absurd, she's literally the summation of what I've fantasized about in daydreams.

I don't even know where to start.

It's an amazing and quite insane story of how we met. But I'm in need of some guidance first lol

This isn't too new for me, I've had regular relationships before. They didn't last very long, but I have a feeling that after employing the theory of Karezza into our time together is what's making our connection grow more and more, despite the regular Orgasmic sex.

I met her and that same night, we had crazy Orgasmic Sex. This was the first time I had an orgasm in a month at the least. So there was ALOT built up behind it lol

We kept seeing each other and kept having Orgasmic Sex. After the first time we were both on a cloud the next day. But what I've noticed is that we've slowly started to drive ourselves into the ground from having this kind of sex literally 2-3 times a day. Physically and mentally we find ourselves being drained. She'll get really sore, and have headaches, and I'll be really tired and have a hard time keeping an erection with all of the Orgasms I've had :p Condoms are EXTREMELY annoying too I might add, and we're having a time trying to find the right one for this kind of activity.

My Body cant take that, and neither can hers :p

So here we are. Young 'star crossed' lovers whom cant keep their hands off of each other- like when we say goodbye, we literally have to give ourselves half an hour of kissing time before we part ways, yah we're THAT couple haha :DD- and are totally into each other, but at the same time are passively being pushed away by the effects of Orgasmic Sex.

What I'm doing right now to mitigate these effects, is spending ALOT of time cuddling, kissing, eye gazing, and playing with my lady. This kind of affection REALLY has a big affect on her feelings for me and overshadows that dissonance we sometimes have the day after orgasmic sex. We feel SO close and inseparable when we do this. We vibe so much I swear they can feel it the resonance across the street. We connect on a level that I KNOW young people our age will probably never experience due to the PMO epidemic happening these days. We feel these kind of things and we KNOW it's special, and something that doesn't happen often or by chance. It makes us all the more determined to stay together for as long as possible. We actually look forward to this kind of activity MORE than Orgasmic Sex.

But I'm feeling like we're sort of in a pickle at the moment.

We both have this socially conditioned desire to have Orgasmic Sex, but at the same time we this natural feeling of not wanting to. Every time we have it this 'expectation bar' that is being raised higher for the next time, and we're both expected to surpass it.

I've introduced her to the idea of Karezza, and she seemed indifferent to the thought of it. She figured it would be 'boring' during intercourse, but then she also loved the idea of getting closer with me.

So here's my question.

Should we jump into this Karezza cloud immediately and start embracing it fully? Or should we keep having Orgasmic sex but slowly and progressively start to limit it by decreasing the amount of times we do that and start increasing the cuddling :D

We are on Day 2 of no sex and not seeing each other atm, so our desire for each other has gone up tremendously.

Any tips, guidance, or anything at all would be awesome; not just on this Karezza idea, but also on the first steps of young and blooming relationship in general. This is an exciting time for the both of us, and we both want to make sure that it lasts :D

I truly believe Karezza holds the key to that.



I think u should slowly

I think u should slowly progress info karezza .... U cant just stop orgasmic sex and just jump into karezza .... Especially wen sum1 has been used to a certain type of sex for so long ... Anyways thats just my advice, wish ya the best of luck

Wow, I'm excited for you

Congratulations on your wonderful new love.

I am by no means an expert and there are some folks here who are amazing and knowledgable who have helped me.

I transitioned instantly to Karezza and I don't think half measures work.

Even if you do orgasm sometimes, you can still last a lot longer and begin a depth of pleasure and connection that is so far beyond orgasm.

And then you get back on the horse and try again. You may take to it instantly or it may take some "work" but it is so worth it. And there isn't a way or desirable goal of transitioning. You start by trying to avoid coming and stop looking at sex as a way to reach orgasm and everything changes for the better.

So glad you are open to this. You wll have the most wonderful feelings you have ever had in your life, I trust.

The formula is:

1. Spend a ton of time bonding, holding hands, naked cuddling, cuddling with clothes on, kissing.

2. Non-orgasmic intercourse

3. Give it three weeks of this if you can.

Your life will never be the same and you'll feel like this is the greatest gift after just being alive. That's my experience anyway.

emerson wrote:

[quote=emerson]You start by trying to avoid coming[/quote]

Is that accurate? I understand the idea as to avoid the goal of orgasm more than resisting orgasm. In practice, I could see one initially resisting orgasm. However, that won't lead into relaxed presence.


Should you jump into karezza now? Well, only good will come from doing so, there is no down side to beginning now. On the other hand, not doing so will most likely result in a very high probability that you will hit the wall in the future and wish you had. Easing into karezza is usually not a successful approach as every orgasm encorages another and continues the brain pathways in that direction. Beginning karezza is not unlike giving up POM, you're most successful by cutting the cord and making a commitment. Now you may fall off and have orgasms inadvertently but its the commitment that will make the difference.

I think the real question is, are you ready to? Something inside has to say, "I want this and will give it my best" Giving up orgasming is rarely easy, especially in a new relationship, and somewhere inside you have to have made up your mind to do so. If you dont find some core place that has made to choice, your attempts will most likely not have the "juice" you'll need to sustain your efforts. If you do, you'll quickly find the energy that is being syphoned off into hot orgasms will instead go into deepening your connection. Practicing karezza now will build the foundation of connection, which in the long run will keep your relationship alive with vibrancy and meaningful sexuality. It may feel like the great orgasms you are having are bonding you together but you will see in the future that this is not so. Even if your lady is not interested you can still make the commitement yourself. May not be easy, but if you do you will set the tone for what the relationship will become. Be the man, set the direction, if you're really ready to do so.

Do, or Do not. There is no Try.

Awesome Responses everyone. Thank you :D

I am Ready.

I have been ever since I began this journey, and with the momentum we have now, there's no point in hesitation :)

I've decided we're going to jump into it balls out. What I need to know are a couple of details in the mechanics behind Karezza, and what is considered non-Karezza.

First off, I should mention this now that it's fresh in my memory. When my lady and I had our first sexual encounter, I was doing it very roughly and hard, but I didn't Orgasm. However, she Orgasmed a bunch of times that night. The next day I felt like a God (literally on no hours of sleep) and she was dancing and bubbly all day too lol.

I saw her that next day and we had sex twice. I Orgasm-ed BOTH times. After that, our energy levels went down hill from there REAL fast.

Now here's my question, is 'light intercourse' open to interpretation? It seems ambiguous, and if I go at a normal pace, and focus on emotion/immersion more than dominance, I feel like I'm still getting that Karezza effect. How 'light' is light intercourse? Does it have to be little motions? Or can it be any movement/motion that is dependent on the couple's non-climatic thresholds? I feel that I can find a pace that is normal and go forever because I have no intention of Orgasming; if I want to Orgasm then I'm going to have to intensify the movement substantially. I read that there's supposed to be hardly any thrusting, and more of just you stick it in and kind of move your hips very lightly together. Any affirmation, or correction on what I'm picking up from this is welcome :)

Also, another very important question I have atm. Can you have Karezza with a condom on? Or do you need to be skin to skin to get that true intangible effect? From a glance, It seems unnecessary to have one, since you're intentions don't revolve around orgasms with Karezza. But at the same time, condoms are necessary to just to be sure no accidents happen. My lady and I would like to use them but are uncertain on how it will affect this new type of sex. Any experience with this or ideas are welcome :)

I'm very excited about this, and so is she. Just from employing daily Karezza bonding activities (like what Emerson mentioned) she's experiencing feelings and emotions so blissful and different than what she's accustomed to. But the Orgasmic Sex definitely makes our progression an uphill battle.

She's following my lead, and I'm going to take us to a realm where few in our generation have gone.

But yah those are the questions I have that were on my mind, I'm sure I'll have more later! ^_^

Again, thank you.

Have you read Cupid's

Have you read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow? If not, at least read chapter 10 and the exchanges. It seems to me that starting with nurturing exchanges makes more sense and that the most important thing is to really get into a giving/ healing mindset and out of the groping mind set.

I've been through a lot of passion cycle relationships and I know how powerful it is. It's also taken me 20 years of sexual experience to finally understand the difference between giving/ healing sex and groping sex. I can't comment much on Karezza (yet, sigh!), but I can say that although I've been wiring my brain away from orgasm and passion cycle triggers, it would still be very easy to end up in the same old patterns. Not long ago, I was cuddling with a friend and I started getting aroused. I had to use a lot of self reminders to keep with my intention and not just go for the pleasure I'm familiar with (ie. traditional foreplay and sex with orgasm)...and we weren't going any where near intercourse. Heck, we still had all our clothes on!

Also, on the condom issue, of course it's more sensitive without a condom, but there's still a strong chance you'll come inadvertently and that risk of pregnancy (and STD's?) would add fear (taking away the ability to relax) and that same risk can turn even regular sex into super sex, making it even harder to relax into loving, healing, giving sex. Believe me, been there, done that, got pregnant!

there isn't a right or wrong but here are some comments

If you can "go forever" at a certain pace, then do that.

There are moments of quiet stillness for us, and moments of more motion and "doing". The moments of stillness I find very sublime but they are made possible with the moments of more motion.

In general, this becomes far slower and more of a savor-thing than a move around and do thing.

Let's look at it as an arousal scale of 1-10, with 10 being full on orgasm. We stay in the 5s and 6s. You can edge and move up to the 8s and 9s but that will often spill over into an orgasm.

If you are coming too close to coming then you can, oddly enough, smile, look away with your eyes wide, and these will both somehow let off some of that arousal and bring you down again.

I'm focusing my attention more these days on the root of my penis, not the tip. And thanks to a tip from Darryl, focusing on delivering my energy to my woman when I thrust. I can feel that energy moving out and into her, I can picture it and feel it, and sometimes even coming out of her breasts back into me through my chest.

For your woman, avoid clitoral stimulation if you can, at least until after you have made love without orgasm. The best thing is to get that penis into her vagina and spend a lot of time that way, then later on, a bit of oral or whatever is great, but not before intercourse.

If you can avoid orgasm yourself, that's enough to start with. That is a huge advance. If she continues orgasms that's her business really. She might take your lead. That's what happened in our relationship. My partner has had three orgasms since the beginning of the year and I've had none. She loves this new way of life for us as much as I do (well, maybe I love it more at the moment). But the point is, set the tone yourself, be the leader here and you will be so happy with the result.

Condoms won't interfere with this at all. I definitely highly suggest them. If you go for a long time, like an hour or longer, and grow soft sometime then, you may have to withdraw and get hard again and put on another condom. But so what.



Glad to hear that you have

Glad to hear that you have decided to seize the moment and take the opportunity to give karezza a full go. You won't regret it. As far as what constitutes karezza? I will include a response that I have been working on from a conversation with another guy who wondered similar things. I think it applies to your questions fairly well.

I was talking with a friend over the weekend about karezza and I was made aware of,  what I gather, is a common view about what karezza is. Figured it might be a valuable contribution to spell it out clearly from our angle.

First, I want to say that there is no karezza rule book or reigning authority on the subject. As far as I know there are no ancient karezza scrolls with god's blessings on them. No karezza police either, not that I've ever seen.  In fact, from what I understand the word "karezza" was coined by a woman who wrote a book in the early 1900's and it seems to have stuck as the name for what we talk about on this site. Personally I like the name. 

My point is, we are all discovering this new territory as we go, reinventing our sexual selves. Nobody has the one approach.  Yeah, some of us have been at it for a while but it doesn't mean we are the definitive authorities on the subject.

With that said, here's my definition of what karezza is. Sexual intercourse without orgasm or ejaculation. That's it, the whole definition. Under that umbrella anything goes. May every couple find their way with so little to go on. I think we tend to like new things spelled out for us and karezza paints with a very broad, minimal strokes, and lets you fill in the rest.

With that definition in mind, one's behaviors would be governed by the no-orgasm rule. If what you're doing causes you to go over the edge into orgasm or makes you want to go over the edge into orgasm then those behaviors would be steered clear of. I suppose behavior that makes you want to have an orgasm would technically fit under the definition, as long as you didn't,  but I can't imagine that would be very enjoyable for long and would get frustrating pretty quickly.

One of the nicest places to be when engaging in karezza is to reach the point where you have absolutely no urge to orgasm at all, then you're cruising. 

Probably swinging from a trapeze in your bedroom while your partner is bound, tied and strapped to the bed, and using a double ended vibrating dildo is most likely not going to fit under the karezza umbrella. Someone's bound to have an orgasm, or be very unhappy. I don't think there's such a thing as BDSM  karezza....yet.

For many folks getting too heated up is the main hurdle, so gentle intercourse and lots of bonding behaviors make good sense. Well, bonding behaviors are good no matter what. For others something a little more steamy may be the ticket.  Some folks may want to turn it up while others need to turn it down.

I think one of the misconceptions around karezza is that turning it down is what should always be done. I think of karezza as a balance between stimulation and sensation.

Let me explain my take on this: Conventional orgasm-driven sex is predominately about stimulation, whereas karezza style love making is based in sensation and the flow of energy. In stimulation the energy builds up and seeks release, hence the orgasmic conclusion. With sensation the energy flows back and forth between partners without seeking this conclusion which is why karezza sex usually goes on for a much longer period of time.

Stimulation is predominately centered in the clitoris and head of the penis, where the energy builds. Sensation is within the vagina and at the base/root of the penis where the sending (penis) and receiving (vagina) takes place. To say that there's no sensation in conventional sex and no stimulation in karezza would be untrue. Both have some of each in them, it's a matter of how much, especially in non-orgasmic lovemaking. A lot of sensation in conventional sex will still end up in orgasm, although it may take a little longer to get there, but too much stimulation in karezza sex will hijack the experience over into the conventional realm.  

I believe understanding this framework can help couples find their balance in karezza-style lovemaking. If it's getting too heated up then reduce the stimulation. If it's a little too sedate and you want to build the energy up a bit, then add a touch of stimulation. Something that adds a little more contact/movement to the stimulation centers of the genitals, like more movement for the penis and more contact with the clitoris. A simple angle change during lovemaking can do the trick. Obviously for stimulation reduction the opposite would be true, which is why some positions are better for karezza and others not so good.

In the beginning it's the stimulation level one generally keeps an eye on, but after a while you become immersed in the sensation and the stimulation falls where it does as the sensation becomes the natural focus.

In the end, let your body and your heart guide you. Both put together will take you on a beautiful journey of pleasure, connection and love