Fuck. I'm 26 days without P, 15 without MO, and 7 without O and feeling like a basket case. For a week I've had a headache, fatigue, depression, anxiety/guardedness around people. I'm sick of it, when will I feel good?
Here's my new method...
I've eliminated porn, pot, alcohol, cigarettes, sex (temporarily), masturbation, and sugar
Well, I'd been a long time porn free and had a setback saturday. No orgasm, but was glued to the computer for a few hours. Smoked pot, drank, and smoked cigarettes. I've been extremely depressed/suicidal recently due to this breakup/identity crisis. I'm pleased to have 15 days without orgasm behind me, in spite of the one day porn relapse. I'm now on day 2 of a 3 week plan to abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, pot, and junk food/sweets, and to meditate, exercise, socialize, take fish oil and vitamin d, get some sun, journal, work on music and acting, and floss everyday.
Wow... It's been a year since I've posted and two years since the beginning of this process. I'm starting the new year at 7 weeks porn free. I reached the 6 week point two or three times earlier in the year and it's been amazing. I've become a joyful, outgoing dude thanks to my efforts and the knowledge of Marnia and Gary's research.
The most helpful thing to me has been a weekly chart, a 6x7 grid labeled on the side with activities I've found to give me the most happiness and resilience. I sometimes modify it, but this week it reads-
It's been almost a year since I starting trying to give up porn. Been as long since I've had sex. I know I'm going to have a phenomenal relationship one of these days because of who I've become and all the great qualities I possess, but damn, where is she?
Well I watched this yesterday and found it pretty inspiring. Kind of about opening yourself to your inner guide, if you will. It also contains a lot of wisdom I've been picking up from various sources lately and it condenses it nicely. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvIBJVES6G0
Feeling depressed. I don't understand how people pair up. I had a lunch date last week. I felt "meh" about it. I got a girls number when I went out to see my friend's band play and she never responded. There were a couple hot, fit girls in my boxing class yesterday and I was on the verge of sobbing whenever I'd have a look at one of them. In the past when I've felt this way I'd explode, break a bunch of things, drink, and masturbate. I've masturbated kind of a lot in the past two days but with no porn and no orgasm. Now I think the urge has passed.
Today I'm at 6 weeks without porn (except for 5 minutes 3 weeks ago) and 14 days without masturbation to orgasm.
My new profile pic is a shot of my chart from week 6. This is my first week to accomplish everything I set out to. [blinzel]
The top row is my 10 minute morning meditation.
The second is exercise. R, Y, B for running, yoga or boxing. After some trial and error I added the rest days because I found over exertion to be a trigger.
The third row is abstinence from PO. I've found that I can give myself an occasional rub and still maintain control.
In the past six weeks I've watched a total of about 5 minutes of porn once about three weeks ago. Today is 10 days without orgasm but I'm super horny and I've been playing with myself on and off all day. I've lasted to day 10 only one other time in these six weeks so it's important I get though today and into new-ish territory. I've been to 22 days but it's been months since, and not since I've been back in school.
4 days no PMO. Some involuntary fantasy. I took myself off of adultfriendfinder, okcupid, facebook, a couple other sites... Before this 4 days I went 21 days without ejaculating but edged to porn a hell of a lot. I thought maybe it'd be helpful in spite of the porn. Now I'm in a deep depression. My band played our biggest, most successful show yet last night and I enjoyed it, but everything else has been misery. Seeing an attractive girl or hearing any talk of dating has been making me tear up.