Well, I'd been a long time porn free and had a setback saturday. No orgasm, but was glued to the computer for a few hours. Smoked pot, drank, and smoked cigarettes. I've been extremely depressed/suicidal recently due to this breakup/identity crisis. I'm pleased to have 15 days without orgasm behind me, in spite of the one day porn relapse. I'm now on day 2 of a 3 week plan to abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, pot, and junk food/sweets, and to meditate, exercise, socialize, take fish oil and vitamin d, get some sun, journal, work on music and acting, and floss everyday. It's ambitious, but I have a checklist and I'm goddamned determined to find out if there's any happiness to be found in this. I'm already feeling a little better, but still keenly aware of my dysfunctional ways. I'm 29, my parents died and I live off of inheritance, never finished school, and haven't had a job since washing dishes twice a week 5 years ago. Anyway, I feel weak, worthless, and incapable, although I'm in good shape and fairly good looking. I just hope abstinence/sobriety and these healthy habits can balance my brain chemistry out and get me seeing myself more positively. Although I'm committed to avoiding orgasm I'm obsessed by the thought of going to the strip club or calling up this tantric massage lady from craigslist. I'm not clear on whether or not that would set me back or help me get through these 3 weeks. Thoughts?