MrCrowley's blog

The Dark Corridor

Submitted by MrCrowley on

Yuck. I've been meditating, exercising, singing, and strictly avoiding alcohol and pot all of the last 10 days in addition to my abstinence. It's the first time I've done any two of these for more than 3 days. Also taking fish oil. Some purely physical anxiety began around Day 6. Fatigue, listlessness, depression, anger have since set in. But, whatever. I'm more confident than ever of staying on the wagon because I have my checklist of healthy habits to go through everyday.

Crowley success blog

Submitted by MrCrowley on

Day 20, been very tired and fairly apathetic this week. Kind of a lull I guess. Horny the past couple of days, but not interested in anyone. A little angry towards women in general. I never had ED, but my relationships tended to fail based on lack of interest/commitment on my part. Maybe whereas other guys experience libido flatlining, I'm experiencing an emotional flatlining? Thinking negative thoughts to keep people away from me. That early magnetism seems to be gone. Blah blah, grumble grumble.

No more orgasms! For serious!

Submitted by MrCrowley on

I've been 18 days without porn and not missing it. I've had one wet dream and M'd 3 times since. Now I really want to abstain from the orgasms and enjoy the benefits I was seeing last week after 7 days - people flirting with me and telling me I look good, vibrant, etc. My problem is not caring about all that once I get horny and my riskiest times are when I wake up from naps. I thought I'd just state my intentions and return to this thread when I'm feeling tempted.

Transsexual Cravings (triggers)

Submitted by MrCrowley on

I had sex with a transsexual woman last year that I met through a sex dating site. She contacted me after seeing that I'd repeatedly viewed her profile. This had been a fantasy of mine for some time and I was very eager to indulge. Although the experience was impersonal and somewhat mechanical I found it *extremely* pleasurable. I'd often fantasized about sex as a woman and this gave me the opportunity to do a lot of the things I'd imagined. The memory now arouses me more quickly and strongly than memories of porn or any other sexual experiences I've had.

Slip up

Submitted by MrCrowley on

I j/o'd yesterday. It was 11 days since the last porn and 7 days since a wd, so I might have been experiencing the 7 day spike. There was no porn and no chaser, but my mood is shot. I was coming off of a fast and I'd exhausted myself at yoga so when I woke up from a nap sore and groggy I couldn't keep my hands off myself. Exhaustion seems to be trigger for me so I have to be careful about over-exerting myself. I had been feeling extremely magnetic for a few days leading up to this.

Day 7

Submitted by MrCrowley on

I've been stupid horny the last two days and reading every comment on every quit-masturbating forum and watching doc's etc. My eyes are bloodshot and sore from all the computer time, but it's better that I'm absorbing knowledge and motivation than playing games and watching porn. I should get out but I'm fatigued from another cold. It's been about 90 days since I started trying to quit in earnest, and in that time I've probably masturbated 20 times instead of what would probably have been more like 150 times.

ugh

Submitted by MrCrowley on

I maintained a 22 (i think) day abstinence from pmo leading up to a performance and then had to relieve myself because I started smoking pot and fantasizing. It's been a week now that I've masturbated almost every day and 3 times yesterday. I haven't watched any porn but I've read some erotic stories yesterday and got off to pictures on facebook. I'm feeling spent, depressed, worthless, needy, and am missing my ex. A girl has taken an interest in me in the past couple weeks, probably owing to the confidence i got out of those 3 weeks of abstinence.

Day 21 - Pressure

Submitted by MrCrowley on

I've been PO free for 21 days now. I was doing well avoiding fantasy and self-stimulation, but then I smoked pot with my band a few days ago and went to get more the next day. From smoking I've lost my resistance to fantasy and M and I've built up a lot of pressure over the last few days. I got really close to O twice yesterday and my last shred of willpower kicked in to stop me. Now I really want to relieve the pressure and I'm very distracted. I watched a movie last night that turned out to be way too stimulating and I've ogled some craigslist and dating site pictures.

Day 14 - Is this what you mean by "flu-like?"

Submitted by MrCrowley on

This is my first time making it to two weeks. I've completely avoided any self stimulation as I've found it's only a matter of time to giving in once that starts. I've been tired since day 1 and have stayed pretty much housebound. Around day 6 I started noticing abnormal achiness that has continued. Day 10, though, I woke up with a sore throat -kicked off by breathing secondhand smoke the night before, I think- and some mucous issues and feeling more fatigued. Now, 4 days later, I'm experiencing headache, fatigue, fever, chills, sore throat, and I just coughed up some bloody mucous, LOL!

Day 7

Submitted by MrCrowley on

This morning I woke up to a bus t-boning a car into my front yard, and I just heard from my ex that she's dating, a firefighter no less. Pain!

Otherwise feeling fine :)

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