made it to day 7 last night, then did something stupid.

Submitted by Mr.NiceGuy on
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The past week has been terrible for the most part. I have been depressed, lonely and axious. I made it all the way to day 7, had a pretty good day. It wasn't great, but I went out to the beach and got to actually socialize with people. I felt proud of myself for trying, even though at times I still felt awkward (I didn't used to have this problem to this extent.) Me and my buddy decided to smoke some herb and have a beer or two because he is moving across the country soon and it was the last time I'd see him. When I got home, I was feeling pretty good about making progress (and was still a little high). I was actually trying to get on this site to blog but a scene popped up in my mind.. one of my favorites. Over the years I developed a fetish for deepthroat porn. Idk why, and much of it is actually quite abusive and even violent :( Needless to say, I decided to look at it. Then I had another tab open, and another, and another, for about 1.5 maybe 2 hours. just edging, no orgasm. I did notice that it didn't really give me the exact same rush that it used to. It's like it was almost boring, just wasn't exactly the same. I haven't O'd in 2 weeks, and up til yesterday hadn't looked at porn for a week. I'm so mad at myself. How big of a deal is this? Do I need to put myself back at day 1? or just keep moving forward like it didn't really happen?


restart fresh

it's the best way. you'll feel guilty about the edging, and then you might rationalize that it's o.k. to do it in the future. Please, son. I've been there and it doesn't work. Restarting the counter sucks, but you'll get used to it. It's not about the counter really, it's about your level of commitment to this process. You can do it!

damn, in a way that's

damn, in a way that's discouraging because that's not what I wanted to hear, but I guess you guys are right. it's weird man, i was doing fine until that one split second decision. after that it was like i just went into some kind of autopilot mode. sucks but i'm going to keep moving forward. this relapse did feel different though, i could immediately tell that something was different and that it isn't worth it to do it again. i appreciate the wisdom yall.

-much love