Day 16 no PMO today - day 1 no testing

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I made a choice to quit PMO and testing. A lot went into this.

First 15 days have been hell, but surprisingly, probably the easiest reboot I've had yet (this is my 3rd real attempt).

I think I need to quit internet testing, and probably other kinds of testing. Let this fall away for 3 months and see what happens. Take a chill time-out, as best as I can, considering the difficulties of rebooting. I think it's definitely contributing right now.

Glad to have a loving, snuggly girlfriend. It makes it easier in many ways.

How are you doing, Marnia?

Cheers,
M

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Hi Musician

Glad you've decided to quit testing. That's the core of any OCD affliction after all.

Have you also decided to give up porn entirely, for good? Because if you haven't, you'll soon be rationalizing its use...and--judging from your results to date--what do you think will happen? Whether or not your therapist understands this, you need to. Read this: The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make

This is an awesome article

Yes, I've completely given up porn. I'm pretty proud of this. Maybe that's why it's also been easier. Also, maybe because I've tried kicking this twice before. But this time, I've looked at no pictures on the internet - not even Facebook looking, and I haven't read any sexual stories. I don't have a libido, which is easier, but still, I know not to do it. I'm going to be strong this time.

The thing I'm kicking now on day 16 is just looking for HOCD and gay- or-straight related things. And anyway, if I've been this good about porn, this is the next phase, I think. Also, I'm quitting looking up recovery stories online. Everyone's reboot is different, and I can't compare. In other words, internet testing.

My philosophy is that if it doesn't help my recovery, I shouldn't do it, such as all of the above-mentioned things. It's hard, but it's ok.

Excellent video

Thanks. This guy's an inspiration.

Btw, quick mention: I've had urges to test when stuff has come up and I've held back. I think I feel better for it Biggrin

It's good

Little by little, I'm cutting out not only Internet testing, but working on cutting back all rituals. I think it's for the better. We'll see.

I'm working on the forgiveness part

I can see it, one moment you're ok, the next moment really severe headaches. I took an Advil today to numb the symptoms, but the dopamine rushes were still there. I'm just being patient and taking time. For example, now I'm feeling better than a few hours ago, but it's still a pain. Ups and downs, ups and downs. Somehow, I do think I'm doing better than before, though.

Yes

I hope. For example, today, lots of dopamine rushes and quasi-arousals to guys. On some level, feels alright, but in truth, totally intolerable. I mean guys in real-life, and not on a screen or something. It's a pain.

I'm counting on the no-fap faith here. I'm trying not to pay too much mind to it, and to power through. It's a giant drag though. Aside from feeling down and depressed. Yuck.

It would be nice if

healing and reality could compete with sensitized pathways in those moments of intense cravings. But they never will. That's just how sensitization works.

However, gradually, you can train yourself to realize that they DO pass if you don't act on them. They're temporary neurochemical surges in the brain. You mold your brain by the behavioral choices you make. It can be unruly, but if you are consistent...it will change.

It annoys me

that the porn industry knows this all too well and exploits it to the fullest so as to enhance the addictive qualities of porn images. The systematic manipulation of the reward circuitry to move product (and ensure strong repeat sales) at the expense of the well-being of consumers appears to be an accepted business practice; e.g. fast food, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, etc. I know that the anti-porn movement doesn't get a lot of sympathy in the media. If anything, they come off as hyper-religious fascists. But it seems that the addictive / destructive nature of high-speed internet porn hasn't gained the attention of the mainstream media channels yet. To wit, when I told my wife I thought I had a problem with porn, she was surprised; she thought all guys use porn, and that it's normal.

I think this is gradually turning around

Gary and I have just attended a conference at which it was becoming clear to disparate groups of experts/researchers that the common language for explaining the risks of porn use (especially to adolescents) is neuroplasticity in response to porn's supernormal stimulation. *fingers crossed* that they really start pulling on the oars!

One of the crappiest recent studies, which also helped mislead the public, was this one:

http://pornstudycritiques.com/uclas-span-lab-touts-empty-porn-study-as-g...

And just yesterday, there was published an official response by a doctor who has also been writing journal articles:

His response: ‘High desire’, or ‘merely’ an addiction? A response to Steele et al.

His most recent article: Pornography addiction - a supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity

 

There are still a lot of

sexologists/psychologists who don't buy the hard science, but frankly, much of their skepticism is due to ignorance. Eventually the hard science has to come out on top. Reality is reality. Can you watch this? VOON.CLIP Voon is a leading behavioral addiction expert at Cambridge.