Hm... I'm just really depressed about this. My girlfriend really thought I would make it to 100 days. On the bright side, I did 37 on my first serious attempt. I did 8 days before, but I knew it wasn't going to last because we were going on vacation.
Today's karezza experience was really nice. It was our first real experience. She was so beautiful in that moment. We had such a wonderful time. It's every other time where I'm looking at the next beautiful girl, who may or may not be so attractive. But my mind does crazy things anyway. When I talk to a girl, I often feel nothing, but when I leave her I fantasize about her. When I do, it's just my willy moving and I think it's me trying to get a dopamine high. Or who knows? It's possible that my attractions are based more in the fantasy realm. Like any 9-10 year old boy, he has dreams and can't get them. Then, he lives in his fantasy world if he can't make the adjustment to real women.
The orgasm sucked. It was like what I'd imagine a hit of heroin to be. Just intense, body sensation. Man, that just sucked the life out of me. And I have to work all day.
I don't know if it was too early to do it. Or just that I'm inexperienced in karezza. A lot of the time, it was really beautiful and intimate. Other times it was a little too stimulating. But when we were trying it during my 8-10 day reboot before, I didn't last like this. So today was good because there was more room to play around with. I wanted to stop about 30 minutes before, and I think it would have been ideal. I think experience in this will guide me better in the future.
So, I'm not sure how I should approach my rebooting strategy now. First, I understand to watch out for a chaser, as soon as my crazy low feeling isn't so low as it is now. But I'm not sure what to do. How long should I abstain from this for? When can I do karezza again without ruining my reboot? What I felt was good about the past few days was that my HOCD was subsiding and that I could really begin to flirt with girls but not to go for them. And my libido began to return. I was in a rush to take my pants off and to say that, "I'm ok, I don't have a problem". Typical addict mentality. But the ability to be more confident translated into the bedroom a little too quickly, I think. So I'd like a suggestion as to how to rethink my strategy. I wanted to go for 100 days no PMO. So I don't know how to approach it now.