Mood is like a controlled manic. Kind of irritable.
We practiced a little karezza last night. It was ok in the moment, but somehow I feel nice today. But it's mixed with irritability. Like I'm in a good mood but cutting people off at the store, being a little arrogant with an attitude, having a little anger and blame towards other, not being introspective. It's weird. Before I quit porn, I never blamed others, only myself. But now I'm doing this. Like I'm not the center of the universe. I don't like my aggression towards others, but it's different than just being self-centered and miserable.
I don't know how fond my partner is of the idea of not orgasming. I am being gentle, but she gets excited and wants to cum. I am trying to do positions where I'm not stimulating her top muscles too much. She just wants to go, and I want to be gentle. I wonder how we will find a balance. I don't know whether to talk to her about this. We each know what we want, but I don't want to rub her the wrong way about this. For now, it's agreed that we won't be orgasming anyway, but I don't want to upset her by working her up, even if it's gentle. Afterwards, it will be interesting to see how we work this out. Advice and hints will be appreciated.