Day 46/9 - In between

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Mood is like a controlled manic. Kind of irritable.

We practiced a little karezza last night. It was ok in the moment, but somehow I feel nice today. But it's mixed with irritability. Like I'm in a good mood but cutting people off at the store, being a little arrogant with an attitude, having a little anger and blame towards other, not being introspective. It's weird. Before I quit porn, I never blamed others, only myself. But now I'm doing this. Like I'm not the center of the universe. I don't like my aggression towards others, but it's different than just being self-centered and miserable.

I don't know how fond my partner is of the idea of not orgasming. I am being gentle, but she gets excited and wants to cum. I am trying to do positions where I'm not stimulating her top muscles too much. She just wants to go, and I want to be gentle. I wonder how we will find a balance. I don't know whether to talk to her about this. We each know what we want, but I don't want to rub her the wrong way about this. For now, it's agreed that we won't be orgasming anyway, but I don't want to upset her by working her up, even if it's gentle. Afterwards, it will be interesting to see how we work this out. Advice and hints will be appreciated.

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Tell her to

keep relaxing her vagina and pelvic region and breathe slowly. She may also want to read Tantric Orgasm for Women by Richardson. This is not about giving up pleasure; it's about tapping more subtle (quite delicious) feelings as the brain attunes to greater sensitivity.