Day 53

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Spent lots of time cuddling and karezza with my beautiful girlfriend. I went out with my buddy last night for a 2 AM burger at a nice restaurant. He's married, and he was saying how maybe he could do better. I told him about karezza and he was interested. That the orgasm cycle could really mess you up, and he agreed with me. It was a cool conversation. There were many beautiful drunk women in town, but he made a point of how disgusting they were, whereas all I see are legs and tits. And I realized how beautiful my girlfriend is, how she's a great partner, and why I chose to be with her. I was at the store today, and the "hot" girl I found beautiful last week was unattractive and the nice girl was gorgeous to me. Crazy how the brain works. So my girl turned into a hottie!

Today we were cuddling, but towards the end, I had a bit of an ejaculation. A tiny one. It wasn't precum and I held most of it back. But it ruined me. I have no interest in cuddling with her post-orgasm and I'm turning into an ass. I hate this very much. How do I control my urges? Should I take time away from karezza until I get my act together a little? If so, how long? Worst thing, is that I wondered what it would feel like if it was a guy licking me like she was, and I got off on that because of how nice it was. Then my girl said how her male friend told her that 80% of guys are probably bisexual but won't admit it because they don't want to be gay. Obviously, the number is probably wrong, but I take her point. I just wish things would be simple, I'd have love for her, and I wouldn't be getting off to male fantasy like that.

On a side note, we need to ask the landlord to repair the shower tiles tomorrow because we knocked about 3 rows of them in with gentle sex. It wasn't aggressive either. Just really old, crappy tiles, I guess.

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We'll do that

It was so weird. I was ready to go to bed at a normal hour last night, and after the escalation, something woke right up. I didn't sleep a minute last night. Like something shifted in my brain. Maybe I just don't have the right idea about karezza or I get a little carried away, due to PE and inexperience. There are beautiful, loving moments, where we're still and everything is wonderful. So in a few days or whatnot, maybe I can learn to focus on that without making my life harder?

Have you ever

Visited neurotic Planet forum? From there i see it's very common for guys with hocd to ejaculate very quikly when a gay image pop up in the head while having sex or masturbating. You can also ser how anciety is linked with PE. I shouldn't rassure you but this is information...