Karezza question and a little update - day 68

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Submitted by Musician on
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Hi,

It's been a while. Wanted to update on day 60, but I don't think I was ready. Now that I have a question regarding Karezza, I'll update a little.

My girlfriend might leave for the West Coast to do her Masters. Very likely, actually. She'll be gone for 9 months of the year, returning only during Thanksgiving, Holidays, Spring Break, and Summer. I love her very much, but with my reboot in progress, and me being horny eventually (in progress, at the moment, I guess) with no outlet, what can I do? I don't want to watch porn ever again, I don't want to masturbate. Is it possible to wait all that time? Or with karezza, is it possible for both of us to take a karezza partner for the time being, knowing that I intend to be faithful upon her return, and starting a family. The reason I ask is because without orgasm, maybe it changes the dynamics of the situation and decreases attachment. I would plan to be upfront with that partner, and tell her the situation, and maybe it would teach her this practice, and allow me to keep my stability and be less horny. Just someone to befriend and to hug and get my outlet out. I realized this because I got home from work raging horny today, did sweet karezza with her, and it really helped me move on with my day. I'd much rather do this than masturbate, I think.

I did speak with my girlfriend about this, and she is firmly against this right now. If she is against this, I definitely do not intend to do this, and hopefully will not. But I do see this as a potential difficulty, and I was wondering how to go about this. This decision has to be mutual, and if the outcome is "no", I will have to accept it. This is more of a hypothetical question right now, considering that karezza is a different animal than regular sex, and I was wondering if it could be treated differently, if say, the need arose.

About my reboot, it's going ok. I'm having really weird sexual tastes for boys and stuff, but I have no idea if it was conditioned or not. At times, I feel like my brain has two different paths it could take: either the kinky shit or the boring vanilla sex which it used to love, I believe. I don't have an answer, nor am I really looking for one. I kinda am, but definitely not pursuing it. I'm not masturbating or looking for answers externally. It's tough, but I'm waiting and hoping for my real libido to return, to drown out the kinky shit and return to my old manly self, who likely isn't even bisexual (or like 1%, but never even to arousal). I had an orgasm completely accidentally 3 days ago, for the first time in 26 days, so I guess that's kinda good. I'll have to keep at it for a while. Not much more to report, I think.

Oh, and good news - half of my students took prizes in multi-state piano competitions, so I'm really proud of them! And my girlfriend took 2nd prize in her school concerto competition on her violin, so that's great too Biggrin Lots of changes have been happening these days, not directly related to the reboot, possibly indirectly.

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Congratulations

on your students' success.

There are many traditions for circulating sexual energy that were developed by men who wanted to be celibate for whatever reason. You might experiment with some of those. I know that it was very healing and empowering for me when I realized I didn't have to be pushed around by my genitals. Diablo

Try some of the techniques from this page: Energy Circulation Practices

Also, guys swear by daily cold showers. ShokCold Shower Therapy Guide | Impossible HQ

Phone snuggling

It's amazing how much better you sound these days. You used to sound like a tortured soul; now you sound close to "normal".

My thoughts about how to deal with a long-distance relationship:
http://www.reuniting.info/comment/56081#comment-56081

Some other opinions:
http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/karezza-korner/long-distance-karezza

"She'll be gone for 9 months of the year, returning only during Thanksgiving, Holidays, Spring Break, and Summer. ... Is it possible to wait all that time?"

With frequent phone contact and phone snuggling as I described, I think it would be easy to wait.

"Or with karezza, is it possible for both of us to take a karezza partner for the time being,"

Nah, doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

"The reason I ask is because without orgasm, maybe it changes the dynamics of the situation and decreases attachment."

Avoiding orgasm reduces the desperate, uncomfortable cravings and will likely make it much easier to wait for your sweetheart to return. So I think avoiding orgasm is a great idea.

But karezza with someone else? No, bad idea. Karezza, cuddling, sleeping together... those are bonding behaviors. You run a considerable risk of creating bonds with that someone else.

"...and allow me to keep my stability and be less horny."

Best way to do that is to avoid PMO and related stuff.

"I did speak with my girlfriend about this, and she is firmly against this right now."

I'll bet! It means she likes you and want to keep you for herself. She doesn't want some other woman stealing her guy. Smile

"Oh, and good news - half of my students took prizes in multi-state piano competitions, so I'm really proud of them! And my girlfriend took 2nd prize in her school concerto competition on her violin, so that's great too :-D"

Awesome! Congratulations to both of you.

A piano and a violin, eh? You can make beautiful music together. Smile

My parents are both musicians, and have been happily together for more than 60 years. May you follow a similar path.