Ive been thinking about this analogy since my last relapse because it makes a lot of sense to the situation. (I think its an old Seinfeld reference also) My first reboot attempt was pretty good, I went exactly one month and then relapsed. I remember thinking it was actually pretty easy and telling myself im never going to do PMO again. I guess I was being a little naive although it is good to stay positive. Anyway Im not too disappointed with myself that I relapsed a few times because I now know its part of the process. Its almost impossible to reboot on your first attempt.
With relapse number 2 in the books Ive come to a realization that I probably already knew before,
but now its resonated more with me after this last relapse. PMO makes love so cold and mechanical.
Well first off there is no love in pmo. Theres no love in watching P or in watching P and M and when I associate something thats supposed to be
saved for an act of love with O and I see P scenes that have people basically make a fraud of love,
I essentialy take my own heart out of real love.
PMO is like an old rusted prison in an empty town where the skies are grey and there
I notice a lot of people regard PMO as their "problem" or the "enemy" but Im not so sure about that?
PMO is certainly the issue we are dealing with, but our problem is right there in the mirror.
I was thinking back to my younger years when I would get "puppy love" and I really do miss those feelings. It seems when you start to PMO it just destroys ever having those feelings again because when you see someone you like, you just think about them lustfully. I think some of the elements of puppy love stick around but for the most part if your into PMO and have been for a while the lust part of your desire for that person will be in full effect as well. Its funny I think even as late as my early 20s (im in my early 30s now) I would still have puppy love.
Thought this might help some of you like it did for me. A few days into my first week of PMO my computer crashed because of frequent power surges. So I had to actually totally "reboot" my computer literally. Im actually ending my 3rd full week of no MPO and I have been getting some urges to look at P from small flashbacks here and there. Well something else that really helps me stay on path to no MPO is knowing my computer hasnt had any P on it at all, no pictures, video, etc. since my actual reboot of my computer I havent downloaded anything P related.
Just wanted to post a link to a video that inspires me daily.
The part im talking about starts at about the 3 minute mark when the animation starts. Im very interested in Buddhism in general but in no way consider myself a Buddhist. I really just like their philosophy towards life.