8 months of no porn, finally relapsed.

Submitted by Normal256 on
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So I've lost count of exactly how many days it's been since I looked at porn, but I know that it was on or around November 23 when I last looked at porn. Well, earlier today (July 7) I finally caved in. Life has been stressful lately. Tough new job, been screwing things up lately. I'm kind of involved with a girl, but things between us are not so great (that's a really long story, I don't want to get into it). My closest friends have been busy lately and I haven't been able to vent to them about anything going on. I have been having porn flashbacks / dreams at night for the last 2 weeks, I don't know why, but in any case, today I caved in. It was Saturday, got upset with the girl over something, and I just couldn't say no to the porn.

I indulged in the porn and allowed myself to feel better. I MO'd four times to porn today, and might do it again before I go to bed. It just felt so good to relieve the pressure. I just haven't had anyone to talk to lately about how stressed I've been, and I've been spending too much money lately to go and drink my problems away like I have been. So I just downloaded some free porn. I don't know what's going to happen next, this may be a one day thing or it may be a slide back down into the abyss. Who knows. I kind of don't care anymore. I'm losing faith in my ability to maintain (or even attract) a girl, so I kind of just don't care anymore.

Comments

I'm sorry...

you're having such a difficult time lately. Life sucks at times like this... but there have been times in the past for you as well and you climbed out, you can climb out again.
This is such a difficult topic to talk to people about, not like you can just call a friend or family member and say "help me not watch porn this afternoon!". Writing here has helped me but without the immediate feedback it makes it tempting to relapse. Shame there isn't a chat network here to reach out to in times of need...
Hang in there man

Here are two good forums

YOURBRAINREBALANCED.COM

REDDIT.NoFap

Suggest you check them out before you go for it again.

It's normal to feel hopeless after too much ejaculation. Just remember...it's a neurochemical headtrip, not a "glimpse into Ultimate Reality."

Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause a Hangover?

It sucks, but just because something feels good in the short-term doesn't mean it feels good in the longterm!

Time for a new girlfriend???

8 months is a crazy

8 months is a crazy accomplishment! my best streak was 50 days i think..?

Kicking the P has been hard for me.

get back on that horse! remember you were riding solid, the downer might be the chaser.

Thanks for the love guys, but

Thanks for the love guys, but it's been tough. I've been binging for 3 days now. My new job is stressing me out now and it's as if the high I get from porn provides just the rush I need. It's like a security blanket at the end of a long work day. It's so hard to just face life straight up without some way of getting a buzz or a high or something.

Yeah but....

Intense buzzes actually contribute to your stress over all because they leave you operating at less than full power the rest of the time.

 Block your access to the Internet temporarily with "SelfControl" or www.getcoldturkey.com - just for a night or two. There are other ways to relax. Take a long walk. Sit some place and watch people go by and smile at all the girls. Break your routine.

Here's a relaxing meditation recording: www.reuniting.info/download/misc/06Track6.wma

Or check out the self-hypnosis a site member contributed: Hypnosis Script for Becoming Porn-Free

Don't just spiral downward like a sitting duck. (I think I've mixed my metaphors there *wacko*)