Day 160 no porn. Feeling more re-balanced, MO with fantasy?

Submitted by Normal256 on
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So it's been 160 days without porn, unless you count an unfulfilling, unstimulating relapse about 60 days ago. That being said, I'm at a point now where I am MO'ing perhaps 5-7 times a week, sometimes less. Some weeks are better than others, sometimes I only do it once a week. But in any case, I find myself using fantasy (not porn, just my own imagination) during MO, though I try my best to stray away from that. Over the last few days however, I've become really disgusted with myself, feeling like I am MO'ing because I feel like I'm entitled to do so after 6 months or so of no porn. But what will really keep me from going back to MO regularly (i.e. several times a day) is that I simply lack the desire and the sex drive. That's a big part of the reason why I feel rebalanced, because I no longer feel the strong urge to get off all of the time the way I used to. If I'm not horny, I don't do it. And I'm not horny morning, noon, and night like I used to be. So I feel like I could readjust myself to MO'ing only about once or twice a week or so, provided I don't get bored.

Also, this week I shared my story with another friend (that makes two, so far). She was as supportive and understanding as the first friend I shared my story with. Though I certainly do not want to advertise my issues with the world, it feels incredibly good and relieving to share my problem (and on my ongoing recovery) with actual friends in real-life who I know and trust. Not to say that my online community isn't appreciated or meaningful, but I think all of us understand what I mean. It's different to share this with a friend in real life who has no idea what's going on. I feel more confident than ever that I'm on the right path, and that someday I will pull through this, find the right girl, and declare myself officially cured of my porn addiciton.

Comments

Nice job

Yes, real friends are better than cyber pals. And this issue is really common today, whether people talk about it or not.

Anyway, I'm glad you're figuring out your true libido and not feeling as driven. Hope you get to share your new mojo with a sweetie soon!

*big hug*

Thanks Marnia. Yes, it was

Thanks Marnia. Yes, it was funny - one friend noted that she knew "something was up" over the last few months. I guess those are just the holistic benefits of rebalancing - better mood, better "energy", etc. I can't tell you how meaningful it is to have even one, let alone two, real life friends know about this, and fully support me in my rebalancing efforts. It gives me a level of confidence and self-assurance I'm not sure I could have had otherwise. Of course your support is appreciated as well, along with everyone else here.

Finding a significant other will have to wait until I can iron out some other major issues in my life. I certainly do not and cannot commit to anything now, or even date, for that matter. But hopefully in a few months the dust will settle and my life will be in order and I will definitely put myself out there and date as soon as I am able to.

have you been feeling any

have you been feeling any negative effects from MOing up to 5 days a week? I try to hold of as long as possible, but its seems sometimes that at the 2 week point i am essentially boiling over with horniness. overall i kind of feel like abstaining is good, but what do you think?