Day 83 no porn, day 2 no MO. Feeling strangely fine.

Submitted by Normal256 on
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So since I first began this journey in late September / early October, I've gone through three different periods of full abstinence from PMO, with relapse periods thrown in between. The first time I went 16 days without PMO, then I indulged in MO for awhile, before finally looking at porn again after 45 days. All in all, it took 5 weeks for me to get back in the saddle. Then, I went 29 days without PMO, before breaking down and MO'ing for about 3 weeks (but I still stayed away from porn). Then, on my most recent stretch, I went 26 days without PMO before breaking down and masturbating to orgasm a couple of days ago. Still haven't touched porn in 83 days though.

Recovery from porn-induced ED is truly a two-steps forward, one step backward process. I've made progress only to fall back into relapse before finally gathering up the strength and the determination to begin abstaining again. But after all that I've been through since I first started this journey nearly five months ago, I do feel different. I'm not sure if I'm fully cured yet - I can masturbate without fantasy and acheive a decent erection, but I'm not walking around horny all of the time. I feel balanced. For the first time, I can envision a future for myself in which I have a balanced sex drive - masturbating only occasionally, and probably not much at all if I have a partner.

I feel strangely fine. But I want to continue abstaining from MO as much as possible. I want to give myself the best chance to finally overcome this thing. Also, because I got hooked on Internet porn before I lost my virginity, I suspect the battle will take longer for me. Which is fine - however long it takes, I will continue to fight. The alternative - a life devoid of healthy sexual and romantic relationships, drowning in a sea of addictive pornography, is simply not an option.

Comments

83 days without Porn is

83 days without Porn is awesome. MO is not going to have much of a negative impact on you as long as the "chaser" effect doesn't lead you back into porn. I'd say your doing a damn good job! Keep it up.

I wish, Marnia. I was dating

I wish, Marnia. I was dating someone a few months ago and things didn't work out. With the added pressures of work and school, I'm a little weary from the whole idea of dating. And yet I want someone badly. I see attractive girls all of the time. I may just say the hell with it and make a move anyway. I don't know. I just feel like I have to continue to keep MO in check. I am cautiously optimistic. Emphasis on "cautiously".

I have a couple of female

I have a couple of female friends who MIGHT (emphasis on MIGHT) be interested, but they have significant others. I'm afraid it would be too weird. And for the others, well......I don't know. I love the idea. I just don't want to be looked at weird for suggesting it or bringing it up. Even if I give them the article.