First Sexual Experience After Rebooting - Mixed Results

Submitted by Normal256 on
Printer-friendly version

Hi, so maybe some of you have seen me post here before, though I have not posted lately.

I'm 25 years old and I was hooked on porn from age 18-24. I began the rebalancing process back in October, with several different successions of going without PMO, then binging, etc.

For the last couple of months, I have found myself in a pattern where I would MO about 5-7 times a week (sometimes less), although for the seven days leading up to last night, I had not MO'd at all. Those 7 days were the longest I had gone without MO in awhile. I have not looked at porn in 185 days (roughly six months).

So anyway, long story short - made a move on a girl last night at a little get-together at her place. She went down on me, and it took awhile for me to get hard. I was only semi-hard when I came. But, I did come. In all of my sexual experiences / encounters / etc. (which have all occured while I was hooked on porn), I never could even get aroused enough to come during sex or sexual acts. Never, not once. So even though this definitely wasn't the fireworks that I was hoping for with my first sexual experience post-porn, it's still actually much better than anything I've done in the past, simply because I was able to come.

That being said, anyone else have less-than-stellar first experiences after coming back from porn? I guess since I got hooked on porn before I lost my virginity it's going to take me that much longer to fully recover and rebalance, but it's still a little frustrating, I guess. After 6-7 long months, it seems that I still have a long way to go.

But, for what it's worth, I suppose I should mention that in all honesty, I was not really attracted to this girl. It wasn't like I was dying to sleep with her. I just did it because I was almost 100% sure she was attracted to me and would be down for it. I hate to admit, but I guess I kinda used her. Defintiely wasn't hot and bothered for her, I just saw an opportunity and seized it. *shrugs*

Comments

you're doing great

I don't think it will take you that long to really recover. If you can socialize with girls and meet someone and do a lot of cuddling along with non performance driven sex, your brain should rewire pretty quickly. This is great progress and that's what counts. It's really wonderful, congratulations.

MO and fantasy was as much of an issue as P was for me

I'd actually stopped using porn a few months before my reboot. Although the porn was gone I was still fantasising about porn and porn style scenarios. I'd also got so used to my own touch and hard hand action that a soft blowjob didn't turn me on in the same way.

I tried cutting back on MO and avoiding fantasy (that's actually quite hard, but it's what sex is like) but I still had ED problems. It took completely cutting O out of my life for a few months (rebooting) to get back to normal. I also found just being with girls in a non sexual way helped me rebalance. My attraction grew from their femininity rather than porn style attributes or actions.

I find it interesting that even now after finishing a reboot and having successful sex for the past 7 months I still control my MO. I have more energy if I abstain, for sport, for women, for life. When with a partner I cut MO out of my life so I was as virile as possible when we met.

I recently said goodbye to my lover of the past year. I slipped back into MO and fantasy (note not porn) binge. I masturbated twice on Sunday, four times on Monday, and twice on Tuesday. It reminded me how much I hated living like this, always having an itch to scratch. I also know that it kills my motivation to meet girls and makes me less sociable and flirtatious when I do go out. So I'm doing another reboot of 1 month without MO and telling myself orgasm can only come from a girl. It's amazing how girls start appearing in my life when I stop MOing.

My advice is go 2 months without PMO (even if you have a partner as I did - I would please her but orgasm was off limits for me). Your libido will go all over the place, you might have problems sleeping, you will have wet dreams, you will feel worked up one day, and fine the next. But if you want to fix yourself you don't really have a choice. What's 2 months in the scale of the rest of your active sex life?

Best of luck.

Thanks for the encouragement,

Thanks for the encouragement, emerson. Yeah this only re-affirmed my desire to have sex exclusively with women who I have some sort of emotional connection with. Maybe if I had reached this point in my life at 16, 17, or 18 years old I would feel differently, but at 25 I just feel very differently about this sort of thing.

Intriqued, this is what I was afraid of, that MO would be as problematic for me as P is. I tried convincing myself that if I had given up porn long enough and if I felt rebalanced, MO would be OK, but I see that's not the case. But that's fine. For some reason, lately I have really lost the desire to MO, which is why I hadn't done it in a week before last night. Now I have even more of a motivation to stay away from not just porn, but MO as well. Two months will be tough though - my no-PMO record is 29 days - but I'll do what I have to do. This whole journey has been tough, but worth it. I'd just like to think that last night was not a total failure like every other sexual experience I've ever had with a girl, that it was *some* sort of progress, no matter how slight.

try this

are things:

the same

better

or worse?

In this case, they are better.

You are moving in the right direction. It all boils down to that: the same, better or worse. Just stick to "better" more often than the other two, and you're golden.

Seriously. You are on your way and this shows real progress. I wouldn't diminish that. And the next times will be better.

Think of it that way, think of everything that way. It's all a process. It won't always be better each time, but if it is better most of the time, that's what real world progress looks like.