OK so I broke down and MO'd earlier today. I couldn't take it anymore. I had a horrible day today. Also, the sexual tension that had been building up for the last 26 days were just too much for me.
Overall, I think I'm doing OK. One thing I've noticed with this latest period of abstinence from MO (and other such periods before) is that even though people say resisiting the urge to masturbate to orgasm becomes easier after about 3 weeks or so, that's not my experience. My experience is the exact opposite - I go through a flatline phase for about 2 or 3 weeks, and then it becomes much harder (no pun intended) to resist. After about the 21 day mark or so, I start walking around with erections all of the time.........this time around is no different.
So I've gone 75 days without porn, and 21 days without masturbation or orgasm.
So the no PMO train just keeps on moving along......I'm trying to beat my previous no MO record of 29 days. If I can just make it to Valentine's Day, I'll be there!
So I wanted to provide an update since I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. I am day 65 into no porn, and day 11 into no MO. I'm especially happy about going 11 days without MO because I initially went 29 days without PMO, then went for about three weeks where I indulged in MO once every 2 or 3 days or so, maybe making it to 4 or 5 days once or twice. But 11 days feels like a good jump start as far as getting back on the no MO horse. I think I can stay away from porn, even though I did have a really vivid porn dream the other night.
So over the last few days, things have gotten really stressful (money problems), not to mention I've been battling a moderately bad cold for the last two weeks now, so I feel sick and sluggish every day. I find myself wanting to indulge in PMO not even because I really want to watch it, but because I know it will feel soooooooo good and will be a wonderful release. What are some good alternatives to stress release???? I know people like to suggest yoga and meditation, but I've tried those things before and they don't seem to work well for me. Kinda puts me to sleep.
So as I posted in my last blog update at day 30, I relapsed back into MO (but not P) on day 29 I think it was. I had very few, if any, porn cravings up until the last week or so. It could be related to the fact that since that first MO relapse on day 29, I've MO'd about 4 or 5 times. Haven't gone back to P though. But for some reason, over the last week or so the dreams have been getting crazier (I replay old porn clips I used to like in my sleep while I'm dreaming), and the cravings are stronger during my waking hours.
So I don't know if anyone read yesterday's blog entry and the comments I posted after the blog went up, but I broke down last night and indulged myself in MO.
Basically, I ended up masturbating, and "edged" three times without having an orgasm. The third time around, I just couldn't hold the orgasm anymore - the blue balls were leading to some fairly serious physical pain in my stomach, and I ended up releasing. A whole month's worth of pent-up sexual energy suddenly released.
OK so here I am standing at the precipe of one month without PMO (well, I slipped and rubbed myself for like 2 seconds the other day, but definitely not to the point of orgasm). Anyway, I honestly kind of wish I was in a flatline phase. I was in that phase for the first two or three weeks, but now I can't control it. Surprisingly, at this very moment, I'm "calm" but for most of the day I've been hard. My dick has turned into this raging pit bull that badly wants to be out of its cage. It doesn't crave porn - it wants MO. Well, actually it wants real sex, but I'm sure MO would do.
So guys, what constitutes a relapse? This morning I woke up with the strongest morning wood yet and before I could even realize what I was doing, I was masturbating prone. Not for long - no more than a minute, and granted I was half-asleep - but I did it nonetheless. Does this count? Does this mean I have to reset the PMO clock?