Greetings to the Reuniting Community, and thank you for all the great information and sharing that takes place here.
I'm a 45 year old male who has been married to the same woman for 24 years. We actually met in High School, but spent some time apart in College before deciding to get married. We have 3 children, 2 have recently flown from the nest, and one just started 6th grade. My wife and I operate a small business together: She as administrator, me as a technician.
Another interesting fact about me: I grew up in the Mormon church, and was taught that masturbation was a sin. I went through a difficult time psychologically because I had discovered masturbation at quite an early age - in fact I remember being interested in sex almost as long as I can remember. So I had been indulging myself for quite sometime before learning that it was "wrong". I tried to stop numerous times but always would fail in the end. I even talked to my Bishop about it. By the time I got into high school I was happy to discover that a couple of my other Mormon guy friends also had Masturbated. It was such a relief to me and them to know we weren't the only ones struggling.
Soon after that, I started dating my first girlfriend who had a very healthy Libido. Soon thereafter I decided to leave the Church. It wasn't that hard as I had numerous friends both in and out of the Church, and I was too much of an intellectual to keep believing in such a preposterous mythology. It was such a liberating feeling to be away from it.
My Relationship With Porn
I discovered pornography when I was about 9 years old - I found my 13 year-old brothers stash. I was absolutely fascinated! I seemed to know that it was somehow "naughty" but at the same time my parents never seemed to give me the impression that there was anything dirty about the human body. I also remember stealing a book of erotica from the library when I was around 11 or 12 years old. I believed I masturbated to orgasm 5 times that first night! It was exhilarating and exhausting! I continued to use porn into my adulthood. I never thought of myself as an addict. I was usually satisfied with a small stack of magazines hidden under my dresser.
Then came the internet! My hunger for porn definitely increased as the availability of free material and faster connection speeds. It also made it easier to come across extreme porn that I would never have been exposed to. I would get uncomfortable with my level of use, and worry that it was effecting my relationship with my wife. So I would quite for a while, but eventually the cravings would bring me back - first to the milder material, but eventually that didn't satisfy, so I would move to more extreme material, that also made me feel more guilty.
My wife had always been very tolerant of it. She figured "boys will be boys" and she also felt it took some of the pressure of her to meet my sexual needs. We always felt our sex life was pretty "normal". Over the years it was up and down, but until this past year we probably tended to get it on once a week or so, more or less. We might sometimes go almost a month. However, I would still be masturbating regularly, often once a day usually in the shower. I had proscribed to the idea that daily orgasm was a healthy thing. At the same time I also struggled occasionally with overeating, and mild depression. But overall I figured this was normal too.
Then there was a major event in my life last year that shook me up - my father, who at 75 was still very active, working full time and fairly healthy, suddenly died of a heart attack. At the time (December of 2012) I, myself was about 35 pounds overweight and struggling to get enough exercise. My dad's death was a real wake-up call. I watched some inspiring movies about diet and lifestyle ("Hungry for Change", and "Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead") and started delving into health and fitness books. I started losing weight and exercising more and was feeling better than I had in years. Then I came across a book that really was a life changer for me.
The title is Man 2.0 Engineering the Alpha: A Real World Guide to an Unreal Life: Build More Muscle. Burn More Fat. Have More Sex. This book really spoke to me, and it had some real surprises in it. One of the biggest was its advice to not use porn - not from a moral perspective but from a fitness perspective. In the book Jon Romaniello argues that porn interferes with achieving the best hormonal balance for optimal health. Also in the book was the information about Testosterone spikes that happen 7 days after Orgasm. For this reason he recommends not having an orgasm more than once every 7 days. Wow! I hadn't gone that long without an orgasm in more than 35 years!!
In college I took a class about Yoga. One of the topics that was touched upon was the idea of conserving semen. Being curious I thought I would give it a try. My young wife was surprised at my idea to try it, but was open-minded. We had sex once where she attained orgasm but I withheld. It made me feel very powerful and in control. We continued our love making the next morning, but the achiness in my groin became fairly intense, so I went ahead and allowed myself to orgasm. That was the end of that interesting experience.
Now flash forward to the summer of 2013. I decided I wanted to try it again. This time I had Google to help me out! I actually came across reuniting.info while searching for ways to help "blue balls". I got some helpful tips here and also discovered a wealth of information.
My wife and I have now been practicing sex with limited orgasm for almost 6 months. It has been a mind-blowing journey that I would never have thought possible! We keep saying to ourselves "how did we not know about this before?!". We went from having sex once every week or two, to having sex almost every day, and sometimes 2 or 3 times a day! We are more patient with each other, we kiss and embrace more often, we smile at each other more often, the list goes on.
Because we are having so much more sex, we have gotten better at it! We have discovered so many new levels and feelings. It is really remarkable. It feels too good to be true, but after 5 months its better than ever.
My goal has been too keep my orgasms down to once every 30 days, but there are the occasional "happy accidents!' We have also discovered that there are "mini-orgasms" and sometimes what we call "big mini-orgasms". When I finally let myself have a full blown orgasm, the intensity and release are like nothing I had had before. My wife has orgasms more frequently than I do, perhaps once a week. I usually like to give her one right before her period, since we know there will be taking a few days off.
I don't know if you can call what we are doing "Karezza" because we still have a lot of hot and heavy, body pounding intercourse. In fact I have never seen my normally innocent looking wife build herself up into such a frenzy. She always had a healthy appreciation for sex, but this is completely new! She has really been inspired to release her inner wild woman! She becomes my Sex Goddess! We also have enjoyed the slower "Karezza" style of lovemaking, but aren't ready to give up the grunting and thrusting variety yet! The variety has been wonderful. I still get mildly sore from time to time, but it is totally worth it.
I wish I could tell everyone I know about this, but of course that would be awkward to say the least. It makes me sad that we are so restrained when it comes to talking about sex. It also makes me sad that that so many relationships I know seem stagnant. We almost feel guilty that we are having so much fun! Who thought it would be so easy?? That's why this forum has been valuable. Thanks for letting me share. I hope others can be inspired by my experience.